I feel a little bad for SS14. Not nearly enough to take him full-time without a huge fight with DH though.

DH knows how a feel about SS and why I never want him full-time again. DH is sort of onboard. I know that he wants the best for SS, but I've also been very vocal with him about the risks of taking SS, and DH agrees with it. We had him full-time before. CPS has visited us twice during the times we’ve had him full-time for claims of abuse against DH. DH has a temper, but has never been physical and is in no way abusive. SS, on the other hand, used to yell, throw, and destroy things in the house, and hit the dog and his sister. He is also highly emotional which started both CPS investigations. The first was initiated by a school counselor. SS started a new school one week prior and the teachers and counselors had no prior experience with his behavior. The second was initiated after SS made claims of wanting to commit suicide and he asked to be sent away.

So, about two years ago, while SS was in a psych ward for a week (he liked it when he got there, but shortly realized it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be), SS said he wanted to live with his mother. I was surprised that BM agreed to it, as it would affect her social life, but I was secretly jumping with joy since SS was just too much to handle for us. Turned out that BM didn't really want it. She was looking to extort money from us as well as get a job transfer. When she had to deal with the realities of having the skids full-time, she looked to DH to handle everything while she could still claim that they were with her full-time. She also claimed that she was scared of leaving the skids with DH, so she refused to send them on the weekend we were supposed to have them. Funny how she quickly sent them over after DH told her that if she didn't trust them with him on the weekends then she needed to take them to all (or even any) of their dr appointments, activities, and school functions.

The aftermath of that fiasco was that we moved to 50/50 physical custody. BM could not in any way handle full custody. SS realized that being with BM full-time wasn't all that fun and BM almost had CPS called against her during that time. SS talked to his counselor about how she was always at her boyfriend's house and never came home at night. The counselor told DH, as he, of course was the parent that takes SS to his appointments. DH warned BM and BM spoke to the counselor and she decided not to inform CPS. We thought that after that scare BM would stop leaving the skids alone overnight, but she kept doing it. At some point though, DH yelled at her on the phone about it in front of the skids because he wanted them to know that he was sticking up for them. I'm pretty sure it still happens (I'm aware that SD lies for her), but maybe not as frequently and maybe SS has realized that he can do whatever he wants in her house if she's not home, so why should he be upset about it.

Anyway, for many, many reasons I don’t want SS to live with us. But I’m worried that I’ll have to live with him more than 50/50.

I would love to move, but I haven’t started taking any steps to make that happen because I know that we will end up with SS full-time if we do. Even though the custody agreement says that the moving parent will lose custody, we already know that BM will not take him. DH attempted to test the waters by telling BM that we were thinking of moving and asking her about SS. Her response was that she would do what was best for SS. From anyone else, this would seem like a noble response, but we know better. It clearly means that she will give him to us because he is a hindrance to her. Then just this week, BM told us that she is thinking of moving somewhere cheaper and that we would have SS during the week and she would take him on every weekend. But, that will never actually happen. We will end up with SS all the time. I know that she will barely take him every other weekend if she could. At this point, I think for DH and my sanity, we need the 50/50 arrangement. We need the break from SS and, honestly, he needs the break too or else he will be constantly getting in trouble with us. At least with the 50/50 arrangement he can piss DH off and not worry about those consequences (if any) for a whole week.

So, I feel a bit bad. SD just graduated from high school and now none of us want to stay in the area (like we only stuck around for her). Now everyone wants to move but no one wants SS full-time. I don't. BM doesn’t want him. DH is stuck, because although he does wants him, he knows the risks involved, which not only includes more CPS visits, but also my feelings about everything. I get the feeling we will all be in a stalemate. No one will be moving because no one wants to risk getting him full-time.