I'm pregnant and with all the hormones flowing through me, I keep having fantasies about leaving DH and the kids (SD and SS). I'm also a planner, so I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to prepare to leave the situation that I'm in. I'll need to sell the house and buy another one that's closer to work (My current commute is beyond crappy; I bought the house for the convenience of DH and the kids, but not my own). Or I may want to find a job close to my extended family, who are currently about four hours away, but that would require me to make sure that I get primary custody of the baby. I would be worried sick all the time if DH had primary custody. He is absent-minded and already has his other two kids full-time to take care of and doesn't have family in the area. He doesn't make any sacrifices with his current kids, so he'd be dragging a newborn to baseball, softball, tennis, and soccer games. He doesn't pay attention to where the ball is, so I'm worried sick that my baby will get hit or that the baby will be cold. In general, I think he'll just make bad choices with the baby, so I need to make sure that I get full custody if I decide to leave the area.

I'm also thinking of life as a single mother and the prospect of dating again. After being with a man with children, I know that I don't want to do it again; however, I'm going to be that person! I'm going to be the one with a child. And, if I happen to find a great guy, he might feel about my child, the way I currently feel about DH's children. So, I've come up with a really long list of what I would have wanted from DH to make my life with him easier and happy, so that I can make sure that I do this for my future partner.

- Make sure that my child's expenses don't affect my partner. This means that I won't be retiring early. Retiring early is what I wanted for my future, but then I decided to have a child. That was my decision, not my partner's. I take care of my own child financially and I don't expect nor want someone else to pick up the slack.

- Make sure I take at least one vacation and one weekend trip a year without the baby/child. This should not be difficult, since the baby's dad can care for the baby.

- Make sure that I find a partner that is communicative and understanding, and someone like me, who wants the best for the children, but knows that their partner must come first to have a healthy relationship.

- Make sure that I stick up for my partner - I know when my child is being a brat and I don't allow my partner to have to deal with it.

- Make sure that my partner wants to raise my child very closely to the way that I do.

- Make sure that I try to be open to my partner's methods of child-rearing.

- Make sure that I am always responsible for my child - taking them to all their games, dr's appts, school events, etc. and make sure that I'm always thankful when my partner does provide assistance with any of these.

- Make sure that I find a partner that goes to some (or even all) of my child's games, concerts, etc. because they want to or at least because they feel obligated to (I'm sure I don't want to attend either, but know that I have to!)

- Never let my child rule my house, pit me against my ex or my partner, or think that they can get rid of my partner. Additionally, I will raise my child so that they are grateful for my supportive partner.

- Have a designated area for my child to do homework and play, like a rec room. Do not allow my child to sprawl with their toys and books into the living and dining room. If I allow the sprawl, I'm also expecting my partner to make the child pick up after themselves. My partner should not be put in this position.

- Do not allow my child to hang out in rooms other than the dining room, rec room, and their bedroom. Do not allow my child to think it's ok to be in my bedroom. My partner should never be the first person to re explain rules that the kids forget. I should be the first to kick my child out of my bedroom or any other room in which they don't belong.

- My partner needs a man cave/sanctuary. My job is to make sure that room is kid free.

- Do not find a partner that will spoil my child. I wouldn't do that to my child. If my partner wants to provide for my child, find someone who does it by funding education or savings, not by fueling material wants and possessions.

- Make sure my partner's life is balanced with their own interests, family interests, and shared interests with me. Make sure I do the same for myself and my child.

- If my child turns out to be particularly annoying or bothersome, recognize it and change it. Don't expect my partner to like my child. Don't subject my partner to my child, unless my partner is the unreasonable one. Hopefully I won't have this problem raising a healthy child.

- Find a partner who will teach my child and share in their interests. Find a partner who will make healthy meals for my child. Make sure my child eats it and appreciates it. Find a partner who wants a relationship with my child outside of my presence.