Back to school vent!!
Every year it is the same old crap. Every year I try not to let it get to me. The only good thing here is that SO is firmly in agreement with me. Back to school clothes will be the death of me I swear 
Every year we buy SD school clothes and other stuff she needs. It stays at our house and she wears it when she is with us. Every year BM throws a hissy fit because she thinks SD should take clothes back and forth. Which is BS in my opinion its just so she doesn't have to buy her anything. But then again she never buys her anything anyways. So once again we have the battle and SO just ignored her texts. SD22 took SD14 shopping we gave her the money but I wanted SD22 to take her because SD14 is starting HS and she wants to be cooler LOL So I figured her big sis could help her out on that. They had a blast and got some cute stuff not as much as I hoped but I figured she would find more expensive stuff.
BM flipped out on both of them for not buying more with the money (400.00) so SD would have more clothes to take back and forth. At least BM wasn't dumb enough to call or text SO about it but SD was pretty upset. We talked to her and she felt better. Now we are in the fourth week of school and SD hates that she has no "good clothes" (her words) to wear when she is at BM's house. BM hasn't gotten her anything so she wears what she wore last year on BM's weeks. No biggie to me and I know SD will live to tell about it LOL she is just being overly dramatic about it.
Now this is the part that I am ready to strangle her over. She worked on SO all last week to let her bring her clothes back and forth. Every time I would come near she would shut up real quick. SO was nice at first and explained that it doesn't work and he is not taking a suitcase back and forth EOW or running back and forth because she forgot this or that. SD wasn't having it she was saying she wouldn't bug him to bring her stuff she would take the bag to school with her and Monday's and then back home to our house the following Monday. She had an answer for all of his reasons why the answer was no. He finally go mad and said NO that is final I don't want to hear another word.
Now I kinda feel bad for SD, I know how important it is to feel good and look good in HS but I also know her very well. She would take the bag one time then forget or say it was to heavy or some other BS excuse. Or she would forget all her clothes at BM's or not be able to find them and expect us to take her shopping for more. Not gonna happen!!! I told her if she feels that way about her clothes at BM's she needs to talk to BM about it. As it is now we have spent about 100.00 more on gym clothes and other school stuff she found out she needed after school started. She came to me last week to say she now needs tennis shoes for gym class. I told her to ask her mother we are tapped out for now.
I feel for her but I am tired of always picking up the slack for her loser mother.
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I wouldnt do a damn thing
I wouldnt do a damn thing more than you two have already done. Just because her BM wants to be a loser pos who doesnt want to buy her kid new school clothes doesnt mean that it is ALL your job! I wouldnt budge and I wouldnt care what bm, skid or anyone thought about it.
My dh thankfully doesnt have anything in place or co'd that says he needs to pay for any school clothes or supplies etc. All he is responsible to pay is cs and 1/2 of uninsured medical. And he sticks to it! THANK GOD because these skids suck the ever living life and money out of us all!
Honestly, in my opinion she
Honestly, in my opinion she is old enough to deal with this herself. Stop being the bad guys and take yourselves out of the equation entirely. Simply tell SD that you have given her more than enough money for school clothes. She can take them to BM's house if she wants, BUT, if she forgets to bring them back, there is NO money available to buy more. There is also no transport to BM's house to pick up something SD "forgot" over there. You've already spent the money, the clothes are hers, this might be a good opportunity for her to show some responsibility or deal with the consequences.
I was kinda thinking the same
I was kinda thinking the same thing but SD is in no way responsible. I think that this would set us up to buy more clothes which may be her plan. She takes after her mom in the way she tries to manipulate people. BM is a pro at it but SD is still learning. You have to know her to see that giving her rules and boundaries is the only way to deal with her. If you give her an inch she will take a mile!!
The last time we allowed her to take her clothes back and forth she forgot everything constantly but she was a couple years younger. She was calling SO every morning to take xyz to her BM's on his way to work. Which was a pain in the ass for him but he did it figuring she would get the hang of it. Then it was the same thing at our house except she would figure out 20 mins before she needed to be on the bus that she forgot xyz at BM's and SO would have to take her by there then take her to school. Needless to say that got old really quick. She would never ask BM to bring things or to take her to our house because BM would flat out tell her no. Which SO finally did stop doing it but it was constant drama at our house every morning!!!
She wasn't being responsible and she was taking advantage of SO running around to make sure she had everything she needed. Now it has been a couple of years and I was thinking of trying it again. But I don't think she can handle it and I doubt SO will be on board with it.
The problem will come in when
The problem will come in when these few nice outfits get worn out. If bm isn't supplying "cool clothes" as well, then she will only be wearing the clothes paid for by dad and sm. She's never going to choose to wear the clothes already at BMS that she has already deemed unacceptable.
The new good clothes will get trashed in no time from constant wear. Then SD will have nothing at OP to wear and they will be forced to spend more money on clothes.
I completely understand this!
I completely understand this! We have the same dilemma at my house... My BF has 50/50 and BM does not let stbSD bring anything of value from her house to ours but stbSD wants to take new clothes and items from our house to BM house. I can't stand it because they "lose" stuff or it gets broken! I'm convinced that BM washes everything in hot water and throws in the dryer on high. I explain these things to FDH but he can't say no to SD. Pisses me off!
By letting her take clothes
By letting her take clothes back and forth, that let bm completely off the hook. Tell her this.....you will allow her to bring clothes back and forth IF bm contributes that same amount t of cash to purchasing the clothes.
Not every kid gets a fabulous wardrobe of all fashionable brand name clothes. Wearing last years clothes won't kill her. Maybe she needs to ask bm to get her gift cards to her favorite stores for Xmas and birthdays. Maybe she needs to start babysitting or get a part time job to fund her clothing tastes. Bottom line.....bm isn't required to provide her with the latest in teen fashion. She has clean clothes that fit her, bm is fully entitled to leave it at that.
I don't understand when in
I don't understand when in the world it became common place to get all new shit just because school is starting?? I mean, yes my mom took me school shopping. It usually consisted of a new pair of sneakers, a new pair of shoes and two outfits. Done.
SD15 got over $700.00 between DH, her grandma (BM's mom) and DH's Aunt, not to mention that DH's Aunt also bought her a laptop, and sent a box with probably another $200.00 worth of clothes and $100.00 worth of school supplies. Oh and DH had to pay for her to get her hair done today on top of everything else. What the ever loving frack??
...and I have no freaking doubt that within a month, SD will be whining about something that she doesn't have, that she neeeedssss or that she has no clothes, shoes... insert something to spend OUR money on here _______________.
I mean is the shit that SD was JUST wearing 2 months ago sooooo terribly "old"? I haven't bought a new pair of jeans in like 4 years. Gah.. it just drives me insane. And of course when I try to bring the ridiculousness of it all up to DH, he see zero problem with it.
I lump "back to school" right up there with Christmas and Father's Day as my mosted HATED skid "holiday" of the year.
For younger kids it makes
For younger kids it makes sense....the fall/winter stuff from last year just doesn't fit anymore. There no way bs4 could wear the pants and long sleeved shirts from last winter....he would have 4 inches of leg sticking out the bottom of his pants, lol.
For older kids I completely agree. Its the entitlement generation. I got a few new shirts and a few pairs of pants for the next school year.....to replace whatever wore out from the year before...once I was past the "growing like a weed" stage. SS is currently in a size 12/14 so he should not outgrow his stuff for 2-3 years.
I agree Daizy usually we
I agree Daizy usually we don't spend much on back to school stuff. I decided since it was high school she should get some cooler stuff. My parents didn't supply anything for us at the HS age because all siblings and I had jobs. We were expected to buy our own clothes because we all wanted the cooler nicer stuff. SD hasn't been ever made to work for anything she just expects it handed to her.
I don't agree with that attitude of hers at all. But we gave a her some extra money this year but that is it!! Now its not enough, which is typical SD behavior I give in a little and she wants more. Which is why I am very hesitant to give her way on this but whatever is less stress for me I am all for it.