Maybe DH and SS are better off without me
Do you ever think about life for your DH and skids without you in their lives? My situation right now if you've been following my blogs is that DH and I are currently "separated". I say that with quotations because it's more like we are jus currently not living together, literally. I'm with our DD1 at my parents, and he is at home with SS9, 9 hours away from us.
I'm not trying to be self deprecating but I've been thinking lately how everything seems to be going well without me there. When I was there, DH never cooked anything, I cooked all the meals for everyone and it was fine with me. But now that he's on his own with SS, he's been cooking and not even complaining. Here's a summary of things that are going well without me:
-DH is cooking
-SS is actually doing well in school
-I'm not stressed having to take care of SS
-DD1 has other people besides just me (my parents, my grandma) around to pay attention to her)
-DH and I aren't mad at each other
When I'm there, I'm constantly stressing about SS. If he's brushed his teeth, got ready for school, did his hw, etc. He has ADHD and is such a hand full. DH is a very passive parent and barely notices half the things SS is doing, and I notice everything. Just to recap (BM gave SS to DH and I this past summer and said to keep him for the foreseeable future as she can't handle him).
I know the obvious thing would be for me to disengage with SS. But I feel like there would be an even bigger divide in our family. DH will be with SS and I will be with DD. I just don't feel like that would be a satisfying relationship.
Writing this out makes me a bit sad because maybe it's a sign that we're better apart? During this time apart, DH and I also haven't been talking much. There's a short phone call at least every other day usually, but it's not the kind that people in relationships should be having. It's more like:
DH: hi, hows everything
ME: good, you?
DH: what's so and so's number? (asks a random question)
Me: xxx-xxxx
DH: ok I gotta let you go
ME: Bye
I'm just venting, but please if you can offer any advise, I would appreciate it.
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Comments
Yes it's his first time alone
Yes it's his first time alone with SS for any longer than 1 day. I didn't realize I was stewing being all negative. Thank you for pointing that out. I just got off the phone with him. It started out as another pathetic non-conversation, but then I kind of spilled my guts about what's been bothering me. He thought it was hilarious. I was about the cry the whole time. It ended with me saying that it's been a month that there's been a guy working and living at our house and the reno is still not done?? And DH tuned me out and said i'm too tired for this. good night.
wow, his attitude is really
wow, his attitude is really telling. I don't think he misses you. if you are the one calling him, stop. leave it up to him to call you. when/if he does call you, tell him he caught you at a bad time, that you'll have to call him back. wait a couple days then call him back. in the meantime, start getting busy and do things you enjoy. force yourself to quit stewing about this man. "fake it till you make it". hopefully when he calls you WILL be busy. never chase a man. if you do and he tries to get things back on the right track you will never know if it's because of the love he feels for you or if it's simply out of guilt. I've lived through this. I've been a man's doormat. I've been the chaser. I've learned my grandma's words of wisdom rings true: never love a man more than he loves you. you're setting yourself up if you do. watch his actions. if they are telling you he's happier without you, why in the world would you want to insert yourself into that? love yourself a little more.