I can admit when I'm wrong. And yesterday, I over reacted about having therapy with SS7.

Therapy was great and not torturous like I thought it would be. Our therapist didn't take sides and didn't tell me I'm an evil step-mother. She was actually very gentle and caring.

When we got there, I introduced SS7 and therapist. She talked to SS7 about his day at school and things he liked to do - she made him a little more comfortable because he looked very nervous. He told her, "I like to go to the park." She asked who takes him. "Dad (but pointed at me). And sometimes my baby sister comes too." Therapist asked, "is that your dad?!". SS7 said, "No!". Therapist asked SS7 who I am. SS7 said, "that's my... step-mom?" He looked at me and seemed so timid when he said it. I'd never heard him call me this before. Usually he just calls me by name. He's never had to explain our relationship before.

She then took him to a game room and let him pick out 4 things to do while I waited. He came back with: markers and paper, play dough, mini-dinosaurs, and a book.

She said she normally would have us sit on the floor but since that probably wouldn't be comfortable for me (I'm pregnant) she had him sit in a chair across from me and pulled a table in between us. First, she had us take the markers and paper and draw something that makes us happy. I drew a flower. SS7 drew our house and him and DH playing the Wii together inside it. We then talked about things that make us happy and why they make us happy.

It was pretty obvious that SS7 and I are uncomfortable talking with each other - I'm sad to say. We didn't make much eye contact, we don't play around, we don't smile at each other, etc. Therapist picked up on that.

So she asked SS7 what he wanted to do next. SS7 picked the play dough. She asked him to make something and we'd guess what it is. He made some ridiculous looking thing which he kept changing. Therapist asked if she could have half of the play dough so she could make something. He gave her a little piece. She shaped hers and he reshaped his and they guessed. After several guesses, they had me guess. Therapist then gave me her play dough and had me shape something and asked SS7 to reshape his and guess again.

Therapist and I both took guesses at his. I guessed an aligator. SS7 said, "no, but I wish it was." Therapist asked why, "aren't you afraid it'll bite you!". SS7 said, "it could bite my legs off and I'll be short." Therapist asked, "do you want to be shorter than BD1?" SS7 said, "yeah! and then maybe I won't ever get punished like her."

Therapist quickly moved on and we kept guessing. He took a few guesses at mine and gave up. Mine was a boat. SS7 said, "mine's a wave in the ocean!" Therapist pointed out that ours go together. SS7 asked if he could see mine so I handed SS7 my play dough and he said, "look, my ocean sank your boat" and he squished them togther.

Therapist asked SS7 to finish with the play dough so he and I could read the book together. SS7 hesitated. He started playing with the dinosaurs and play dough together, instead. He clearly did not want to read the book (last time we read together it resulted in a temper tantrum, argument between DH and I, and my disengaging for a month). Therapist continued to talk to him and finally told him, "we have to clean up our mess because our time is up." She asked SS7 to put the items he picked back in the game room.

While SS7 was gone, she told me how uncomfortable we looked together. She understood the tension between us because of disrespect and talking back. She also made note that when I talk to SS7 that I rarely smile at him. My homework this week: smile when I see and talk to SS7.

While we were walking out she mentioned the lotion. She said that if we (SS7 and I) want to bring some next week that we can OR if we'd be more comfortable bringing a game or some toys that we could use those instead. Que the GIANT sigh of relief.

On our way home, I thought about what therapist said. It's true: I never smile at SS7. And I'm pretty sure that when I walk into a room where he is or he walks into a room where I am, I stop smiling. I feel pretty awful for this. From now on, I will make an honest effort to smile at him more.