During our parent teacher conference, SS7's teacher asked us to continue working with SS7 on his school work and behavior - they've seen significant regression in both areas.

During therapy, DH and I agreed to focus on the positive and let some of the negative things SS7 does go. Specifically, she told me to try to bond with SS7 and told DH to butt out and stop intervening everytime I'm with him.

Last night, was our first time putting it to the test. When we all get home at night I generally take BD1 in her room to play or take her in our room to watch Mickey Mouse - I completely ignore DH and SS7. In an effort to make a change I went into the kitchen where DH and SS7 were. I got SS7's agenda and DH and I praised him for having a good day. I noticed he had some worksheets from school that were incorrect and incomplete. So I circled the ones that needed to be corrected and asked SS7 to sit down and finish them. SS7 talked back. I asked him to stop. DH started to give me dirty looks. I continued to circle the ones he needed to correct and SS7 got up and talked back - he told me those were right and he's not correcting them. I asked SS7 to stop talking to me like that and to do the worksheets I'd already given him. DH sent SS7 to his room to talk to me. He told me we're not supposed to be punishing him and that we shouldn't make him do anymore homework. I told DH that we are supposed to continue working on his homework like teacher asked us. I also reminded DH that he's not supposed to intrude when I'm with SS7.

SS7 came back out and DH told him to do what I asked. SS7 sat down, took his eraser, and started to tear the worksheets up. SS7 the said, I can't do these now they're ripped. I told SS7 to go to his room and get some paper. SS7 talked back. I asked him to stop in a more stern voice, not yelling. DH gave me some more dirty looks. SS7 got some paper and came back. SS7 whined, I don't know what to do. I helped him read the directions and told him what to do. DH walked over and also, read the directions and told him what to do. DH went back into the kitchen to cook dinner.

SS7 started to get up and play with BD1 or watch tv. I asked him to sit down and finish his worksheets so we could do something fun. I was so quiet that SS7 couldn't hear me and asked me to repeat myself. Again, I told SS7 to sit down and finish his worksheets. SS7 talked back. I asked DH to make him stop talking back to me. DH, very calmly, told SS7 to do what I asked.

DH was by the stove cooking dinner so I very quietly went to him and said, you've intervened when you shouldn't and you've stood there while SS7 talked back time and time. I'm done. You help him. BD1 and I went to my room to watch Mickey Mouse.

DH storms back to our room accusing me of yelling at SS7 (while he's yelling at me) and punishing him and I'm not being positive. I explained that I was trying to find a way to connect with SS7 like our therapist asked AND work on his homework like SS7's teacher asked. I also explained that I was not yelling and, in fact, I was so quiet that SS7 asked me to repeat myself. I then pointed out that he intervened like he was told not to by the therapist and he did not punish SS7 for talking back like he promised me. DH apologized. I apologized for making SS7 do his homework.

While DH and I were talking in our bedroom, SS7 got up from the table and didn't finish his homework. He comes back to our room and tattles on BD1, she got a pen and wrote on the wall. DH storms out to the living room and screams at BD1. BD1 comes running and crying back to me.

I told DH to stop yelling at her. She's crying. And by this time I'm crying from pure frustration. DH apologizes again, he doesn't want to fight. Let's eat dinner and try to get thru the rest of the night. BD1 and I sit at dinner in silence while DH and SS7 laugh and talk.

The kids went to bed and I locked myself in our bedroom to get some homework done. DH went to his office. The night ended somewhat peacefully.

This morning, I told DH how I feel like SS7 has pitted him against me. That everytime I try to do something with SS7 to bond with him DH butts in and if he doesn't like what I'm doing or SS7 whines and complaines, I get YELLED at. I also told DH how I'm concerned that SS7 is trying to pit him against BD1 and every time she does the littlest thing wrong, she gets YELLED at. I then pointed out how SS7 talked back to me 4 times in the span of 30 minutes with no consequences.

DH got defensive and we fought - he says I wasn't trying hard enough to be positive with SS7, I shouldn't have punished him and made him do homework, and that last night was all my fault. I pointed out all the same things I said before. I also pointed out that while he's naming every flaw of mine as a step parent that if he was the A+ parent he's claiming to be we wouldn't be in this situation and maybe his son would have some respect for other people.

Eventually, we both apologized. We agreed we both made mistakes last night, SS7 will be punished for talking back, and DH will stop yelling at everyone especially BD1.