Joint parties can be a good thing but require the ultimate amount of coordination between both parties and the ablility for everyone to get along for a few hours without too much stress or tension.

We have done both our own and joint parties depending on how well everyone is getting along at the time and also depending on when the birthday falls in relation to the visitation schedule, etc.

I think it's especially easier when the kids are younger and want to invite lots of their classmates. As mine have gotten older, they don't really care if either parent is around for the party....it's all about their friends.

Just wanted to add that we've only done this at public locations....I don't think it's appropriate for an "at home" kind of party. They should occur on nuetral ground.

We don't do 'joint' parties per se... Me and my ex plan and pay for my sons parties, and My DH and his Ex plan their sons parties... and everyone is invited, on both sides.

Mmmm no we do things seperate. Neither I nor DH want to be in the same room with BM for a prolonged period of time. Everyone on DH's side is always out at MIL's so usually there is a party there. The kid gets two celebrations so she doesn't complain.

NEVER!!!

in fact, i know longer throw parties for either skid.... got burned in the beginning by mil & bm.. so never ever again.. mil goes out of her way to throw sd a party but NOT ss.. and she always invites bm so dh WILL NOT go and every time bm NEVER shows up, so sd is left with neither parent there.... and MIL has the balls to lay the guilt trip on dh ~~ and she's the dumb bitch who invited bm to begin with knowing dh would not attend.. and dh says "i just feel bad for sd" ~~ and i say "you shouldn't -- your MOTHER should feel bad b/c she basically did it on purpose!!!"

i have washed my hands of it and it's pretty sad, b/c starfish throws a damn good party!!

DH and BM apparently always used to. Last year, it was at a bar. Okay, HUGE games room, but still. It's a BAR. SD's 10th birthday party....with games cards for all the girls and a pizza dinner...and their table was right underneath a HUGE Jim Beam mural painted on the wall. The cognitive dissonance really kicked in when BM pulled out the lavender and pink Disney Princess style birthday cake. Like, WTF?
Yes, the fact that I could drink an adult beverage made it slightly easier for me to deal with. Still, the whole thing was just extra-super-creepy, IMO. BM had made all the decisions, DH (FDH at the time) just all "Yes ma'am" as he pulls out his wallet to kick in the $200 that was his half of what she had unilaterally decided to spend on SD's birthday.
NOT happening this year. NOT.
We're splitting the weekend of her actual birthday. I will control my nausea, and we will be taking SD out for a nice birthday brunch, with just me, DH, and DH's mother-who-treats-me-like-crap. And that's IT. BM can do whatever she wants, as long as it's FAR AWAY from me. If she wants to take the kid to a bar again, whatever. WE will having nothing to do with it....