First off, I want to say thank you to everyone here, past and present,  for helping me learn the lessons needed to navigate step life.  To recognise toxic and dysfunctional relationships/marriages and that there was life after it. For helping me realise that boundaries in my own home with other people’s children is sometimes necessary,  for encouraging me to set expectations – even demands – of the person I wanted to live my life with, for helping me understand that I had the right to set  what I wanted out of a marriage when it came to a spouse, my own child and any step children.  I think I got it right this time

After cleaning up my own life and baggage after my divorce from IPOD-H, there was a serious period of reflection and introspection.  I was quite happy to be a single Mom. Being alone didn’t mean being lonely. And when I wasn’t even looking,  I met someone...  This was last year April. I had posted at the time that I had met a unicorn. Nice guy, good looking, he hadn’t been married and he had no kids. And everyone said: vet him!! Turn him inside out and find out who he is before anything. Well, I wasn’t ready – still cleaning up my life – and we agreed to meet 6 months later. Silly, I know because life doesn’t wait for you...  Well we met 6 months later and yes, he was turned inside out, scrutinised from every angle and fine tooth combed to the point where he probably proverbially screamed...

During this year, they got to know him and he got to know them. And... things are absolutely fine. They all get on great. My partner knew I wasn’t looking for a father figure or replacement Dad for my two boys. (Although technically only one is mine, but I consider both my children.) He knew I was  in a position to take care of both without his help. He knew I did not expect him to like or love them, but I did expect him to be accepting of the fact that I was responsible for two young men (13 and 18 then)   and I expected him to treat them with decency and respect. In turn, I expected my kids to be respectful of the fact that I was entering a new relationship, that they were to be respectful of him. We all could discuss issues but where the children were concerned my decision would be final. Both he and the kids knew that there were times when either would require my attention but I was not interested in  a competition for affection. I could always find a new partner, but I could not find new kids...  My kids would grow up and leave one day, independent and on their own, my partner would be with me, hopefully, for the rest of my life...  The ground rules were clear and set.

As the months went by, sometimes I felt like the odd wheel!! Happily so! The guys (partner and kids) get on great. They  have shared interests, they spend time together or give each other space.  There have been no major squabbles and they have been able to sort out their own issues without my intervention.  In the same way, I have been able to accept my SS and treat him as my own, my partner has been able to accept that the kids are part of our lives. We don’t have a normal/traditional household:  it is me, my son, my SS and my partner. We aren’t all related biologically, but we are related through ties of the heart.  I have never asked my partner if he likes or loves the boys: I don’t want to know the answer to that intrusive question, but it is clear there is mutual respect and they like one another.  He has never complained about the boys or said something about them that causes me concern. Once when he said he didn't believe stepparenting was hard, I made him read some of the posts on  this very site - and it was a shock to him to see the other side of a life he had no idea of. We have a happy home – even if no one is there at the moment...

SS is away in a different city, on an introductory internship relating to his studies. He is turning out to be a great kid!!  DS is spending part of the summer holidays with his father’s brother in a different country - still love  my son no end!   My unicorn and I are on holiday, enjoying the sun . Technically it is our honeymoon... We got married recently– after living together for a while.

Thank you to you all
C xx