she is a hcgubm narcissistic pas piece of shit. She has poisoned the 2 sd and thtey soew her bullshit regularly. 

I do not evensince late last yr go anywhere i know they will be as they respect no boundaries and are spies for bio mum. They tell hubby that police stepdad said they can’t see him so hubby in denial says its ok and allows them to follow stepdad but i know hubby has given up.

his kids have been truly brainwashed and cannot thing logically 

This has been a rough weekend.  Skid has been trying to "grow into" her bladder, which is fine.  Some kids wet the bed when they're unconscious.  It's not their fault.  I understand that 100%. 

The problem is trying to get her to wear an adult diaper overnight. This is something she supposedly does ather mom's house but at my house it's a constant passive aggressive battle. She will agree to wear the diaper. Then she will not wear it. Partner does not remember consistently to make her put one on. Some nights he does and some nights he doesn't. I have told him it's his responsibility to stand there while she pulls it up over her butt but frankly I think he just doesn't want to fight her a lot of the time. to make matters worse, she doesn't say anything when she wets the bed even though we have told her time and time again that accidents happen but she needs to say something.

So of course there was another accident this weekend. Partner discovered it and I think his plan was to clean it up before I noticed but that plan failed. It was like pulling teeth to try to figure out what happened. how did he discover the accident. Did she tell him? Then he figure it out by himself? Did it happen during the night?

He was very defensive when I asked him for details.  he said he didn't want to fight. I said I was not aware that we were fighting. I was just asking questions. He told me he didn't want to talk about it. When I finally got information, I learned that one of the accidents occurred while she was full on awake and just did not get to the bathroom in time.  Since I have a child with sensory issues, I actually get how this can happen. my son has accidents occasionally. The difference is that he doesn't just walk around and piss out clothes for the rest of the day. He doesn't just sit on his bed and pee the bed. If that happened, he would come to me and let me know that he had an accident and we would clean it up as soon as possible.

So while I never came out and told my partner that I was angry, he is smart enough to know that I was and he was angry with me for being angry. He's told me I was overreacting.  I think that as we realize that we're more and more powerless to control this girl's pissing, he wants me to become less angry and not more angry.  He wants me to be resigned is my best guess.  he's tired of dealing with it.  He's more tired of dealing with me than he is tired of dealing with her.  This hurts.

He had a few very unkind things to say to me today.

I know a lot of you think I'm an idiot for staying in the situation especially since I pay most of the bills. I'm trying to figure out how to work on my way out of it. Believe it or not, it's not as straightforward  as it may seem. It's complicated. I will tell you this, though. If I ever get another relationship again, it will not be with someone who has minor children.

What do I know in my head to do or what do we actually do?

The reality is, your DH isn't going to quit his kids any time soon. There is going to be a long road of destruction before that happens. Don't ask him to choose, you won't win. It isn't a fair thing to ask.

I suggest:

1) Counseling for the family and individual for everyone. Make sure this is a counselor that your and your DH have interviewed and has experience with high conflict divorce, blended families and Alienation.

2) Wine or Whiskey. 

Other than that, just try and remember that we are hard wired to love our biological children. Otherwise, we wouldn't deal with them. We can't just give up on them because they are a$$holes. As a step parent though, you aren't hardwired to love them. You don't even have to like them! Just support your spouse the best and healthiest way that you can and disengage with the skids.

How do you deal with it?

You don’t. You shut it down. 

Shutting it down is different for everyone, depending on the step circumstances. 

For us it was:

No communication with BM, outside of to-the-point email communication. No calls. No texts. 

Sticking to the court ordered visitation schedule.

Not allowing any “mommy” talk from skid. Ever. 

We’ve implemented these things for the past 7 years, since skid was 5-years-old. BM (and skid) didn’t like it then, and still have issues with these things now. Too bad, so sad. Play b*tch games, win b*tch prizes. BM only has herself to blame, because SHE is the one that made a conscious decision to NOT engage in healthy and effective coparenting. 

I agree with momjeans. This plan is actually effective and works!

How do I deal?

1. A ever darkening sense of humor. I can now, for the most part, laugh at how completely idiotic she is
2. Learning to take care of myself first. It's an ongoing battle, but so far it's been positive.
3. Lots of self control.... LOTS. OF. IT.
4. Ignoring her for the most part. 
5. Keeping her blocked on EVERYTHING. (Can't know she's creepily liking things if she's blocked. Peace of mind!)
6. If she causes issues, have DH deal with the fallout. (including SD6 detoxing lately. If she's being a little s***, I simply inform him that it's on him.)