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so tired

mrsunderstud's picture

Submitted by mrsunderstud on Wed, 06/12/2013 - 1:53pm

My husband continues to spoil his daughter while my kids just look. its unfair when i do for mine i do for his especially when their together. im so tired i feel overwelmed everytime she comes over. i have talked to him over and over again and all i get are excuses. im so tired.

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misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 06/12/2013 - 2:06pm

Pull back, then. Do for yours and yours alone. If the skids make noises that they want x, y and z - refer them to their father.

Those children already have two parents. YOU are not one of them.

If your DH bitches, say that you have tried on numerous occasions to address this with him to no avail so you figured he WANTED each parent to do for their own.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Wed, 06/12/2013 - 2:27pm

I'm sorry that this is the nature of this relationship. I am mad for you. Nothing in this world would piss me off more than watching my kids look on while SDs got something that my kids did not for no good reason (Birthday, Christmas, etc). If we were at a carnival with the kids, and he wanted to buy icecream for his girls - he better have enough to buy for my boys, etc. I would never do that to his girls. But I think SO understands this.

I agree with Misstep. STOP doing anything for them.

Never said I was your mom's picture

Submitted by Never said I wa... on Wed, 06/12/2013 - 2:28pm

agree with misstep as well the only thing you will achieve with trying to give to all as equals is being taken advantage of a feeling resentful worry about your bios and dad can worry about his own i am sadly learning this the hard way i will no longer play that game.

Preggo and Resentful's picture

Submitted by Preggo and Resentful on Thu, 06/13/2013 - 12:42pm

When FDH and I first got together, I spoiled SS12 as I do my siblings that are right around SS's age. (My siblings and I lost our mother, and with them being so young, I have always tried to do for them as I would for my own child.) At Christmas, all 3 kids (my sisters + SS) all got the same amount of gifts.

As more time passed with FDH, I noticed SS didn't appreciate the things I did for him, nor did I ever see him in any of the clothes we would buy for him (BM always sent him for weekends in ratty clothes, and when he did have nice clothes on, it was obvious he had no idea how to care for them). So I took a huge step back and stopped doing for him.

Now that SS is 12, he expects much pricier gifts from us, which I refuse to partake in. My sisters know better than to ask for expensive items from me, and if they do, they understand it may be a combined gift for them (birthday + Christmas). FDH feels bad for SS so he buys and buys and buys. I always try to explain to FDH that even though I feel guilt over my mom passing and my sisters being without her, buying them anything they want is not going to make up for it.

My advice is if DH is willing to create that wedge between the children, it may be hard, but you've got to bite your tongue and refer your own kids back to him for an explanation.

It amazes me what an appropriate upbringing will do for a child!