I shudder at my husbands touch
Normally UFC is my thing. I love watching it... Loud, cheering hard, beer in hand. Social... But I can't seem to concentrate. I am growing increasingly uneasy and depressed. With my husband losing custody of the girls as of Thursday, that's all his focus is on. How he's going to fight and do whatever it takes. I'm smart enough to know that the start of a new marriage isn't strong enough to withstand that kind of stress. I feel this burden heavily weighing on my shoulders; as if the other issues weren't enough to deal with. We had an amazing case and it took us by shock. I let him know that I will be there but not forever if this continues for a prolonged period of time. I can't... Its not fair to me that our marriage isn't being focused on. And why should I put all my energy into something when it isn't reciprocated? Yes... My resentment is increasing with speed. I can feel it with every beat of my heart as I try to choke back tears not wanting to look him in the face. Something disturbing, this girl he used to date around a year ago and I happen to work for the same company... Seems he used the same lines on her that he used on me. "Oh we have a great connection. I feel like this is right." You know, all that jazz. She even told me that a psychic told him that he would be meeting her. Funny because he told me this psychic (who's a family friend) that he was dating this chick (the ex) and he was confused that it was her because the woman she described, sounded more like me. Does that make sense? So he also told her about the psychic saying they were to be together. Sick to my stomach. I can't bear to touch him or look at him. I don't even feel like talking to him...
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The whole psychic this is
The whole psychic this is confusing I think... So to his ex, he said the psychic said she was the one. He told me that as well. He said the psychic was describing a girl who acted and looked just like I did. At the time when he had this reading, he was dating this other chick. Anyway, he used the same like on her. Started talking marriage after dating only 2 months.
This may give you some
This may give you some insight.
I met my ex and 6 weeks later he proposed. I accepted and we were married for 18 yrs with the first 14 being good.
After my ex left me and eventually we settled down into an amicable relationship (I was to remarry, he was engaged) he told me he didn't think his fiancee was 'the right one'. I said that as she had been in his life for 3 years and the kids knew her well (I never met her because he was living in another country) so he had to be gentle and think this all through.
2 days later I found out through the kids he had broken off his engagement and was on the market thru personal ads. 2 weeks later he met his now wife (Feb 2004) and was engaged to her in 2 months. When I carefully questioned him on his rush he said "Well, now is the time to get to know her." WTH???? They married in Oct 2004.
I really think these men get involved and rush things to be married and THEN they work out the details. They think that there is an 'out' if things don't work out ... divorce. But they know how much women don't want to be divorced and think they will bend over and pretzel themselves to stay in a relationship. I know I did (with ex) and his fiancee he broke up with did so much for him and my kids. They really don't HAVE a plan. They just think everything will fall into place as they get to 'know' eah other.
Good grief!
jimx2-I haven't read all the
jimx2-I haven't read all the posts out there to see who is stereotyping who but I don't see any stereotyping going on in anything that was said in any replies on this topic. I think accusations like this detract from the issue at hand.I also think a lot of this in fighting at this board stems because people won't allow others to have a differing view than their own. I really don't have advice for the Original Poster but I'd like to say I hope she feels safe coming here and I hope she finds happiness in whatever SHE decides. I wouldn't want to be in her shoes and I for one would tie those shoes a little tighter and run like the dickens if I was dealing with what she is.
Either you are going to stick
Either you are going to stick with him and stick through it, or you're not. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and should not be as easily disposable as it is these days. It's meant to be a life-long commitment. This is a temporary phase in your husband's life. It will pass, with or without you.
My DH and I got married in the middle of his custody battle. I've supported him as a friend since his separation from his ex, and our relationship progressed from there. When you marry a man who was married to evil, you really have to consider this and all the possibilities that come with it.
I'm sorry that your DH did not get what he wanted/deserved, but give it some time. He doesn't need to lose his wife, too. He's grieving, upset, sad, and his heart is hurting. He needs time to gather his thoughts and plans.
I know what you mean and I
I know what you mean and I wasn't saying I am going to leave but if this drags for 5 years or something... I can't do it. I can't always be put last... Here's the other problem, we were friends for 8 months, dated a few weeks, then got married. The couple bond hasn't quite been formed since we didn't really date for very long. Our marriage is still laying down foundation. And in reference to psychic... His mom sees one and the message was told to him which then of course he would want to speak w the psychic himself.
He can't base his life on a
He can't base his life on a psychic. Even if he believes in it whole-heartedly, what they 'see' is up to interpretation, as is messages people 'receive' from God. You are still in control of your own destiny, and these things should be seen as mere suggestion, not rock solid.
Maybe you should suggest marriage counseling, and invest in that for a while rather than psychics.
Life can really suck, and it takes a lot of love and patience to be married to someone with children, especially when their ex is still heavily involved in their lives. But custody battles do not always continue for years. They are heated at first, but the fire does eventually burn itself out. Continuous fighting is not good for the children, and one or both parents eventually do realize this. And before you know it, the skids are adults.
LOL he doesn't pay the
LOL he doesn't pay the psychic since she's a family friend. He was skeptical but hopeful of what she had to say I guess. I agree with marriage counseling though but noooooo when I mention it he thinks it's "too early" in our marriage to get that. And yet, before his eyes, our marriage is unraveling. But if it's too early to have marriage counseling, then he deserves for this marriage to fail because I'm TRYING here!!!! I'm TRYING to be there for him and the skids. I'm cooking and cleaning... there as the emotional support. I get no help. So if that's ALL he has to do then screw him. And I will keep trying to avoid sex with him and he will get increasingly unhappy. I hope this doesn't last forever...
To early?! Does he not
To early?! Does he not realize many people get PRE-marital counseling? It is never too early. But it can very easily be too late.
I second that. If you both
I second that. If you both wanted this as a main goal it would work, but you both don't. If he makes everything about the custody, and ignores your marriage, it will take its toll. You are just seeing it all unravel before he does.
I'm sorry.