We have no clue either about what SD6 does away from us. She can't ever seem to "remember" when her dad will ask nicely about school, activities, etc

I feel like I am with a total stranger. I get more convos out of my neighbors children.

Our skids don't talk about BM much either, other then to mention that they have the same thing there or that they don't have something there, as a ploy to get us to buy something. As in "mommy doesn't have that. We only have OLD toys". Orthey mention that they wish they had our dog at bm's house. The only thing they really tell us is that it's boring there lol. We play a lot and give them lots of attention. Sometimes it's nice being the "fun" ones lol. An sending them home Sunday night!

I have a SD5 and she is very open if I asked anything about her weeks at her mums or anywhere. She tells me TOO much sometimes.

Newbie2- That's great! It is also what I normally am used to as kids are drawn to me.

My SS11 is now like that. He used to not be. He used to tell us everything and was very open. One time though he told us some things that were disturbing that had gone on when he was with BM. Instead of saying anything about it to SS, my DH confronted BM about it-just asked her if what SS said was true, etc. The next time we saw him,SS(at the time he was 6) apologized profusely for telling us what he told us (even though it had been true) and then said his mom told him he can't tell us anything more about her house b/c we would go to a judge and make it to where he could never see BM again. Since then, he doesn't say anything about his mom's. Even if his friends here ask him ?'s innocently he just grunts and never gives a straight answer. He has no probs telling her everything that goes on here, but we have never told him not to tell BM stuff-we have nothing to hide. He used to just chatter like crazy about anything and everything, but he has become very tight-lipped.

Our SS7 doesn't talk about what happens BM's house either, unless we specifically ask him about something. We have never told him he couldn't talk to us about her, nor have we talked about her in front of him. It is funny that this was brought up because me and DH were just talking about this. He will talk about his half-sisters, but never anything about his mom or step-dad. He never wants to call her either. DH will call BM and let SS talk to her (even though she doesn't do the same for him). SS7's step-dad is the very controlling type and doesn't like DH at all (for no reason-BM cheated on DH with now stepdad), so we think that maybe SS isn't allowed to mention DH at BM's house, therefore he doesn't feel it is ok to mention BM while he is with DH. But who really knows?

Does anybody else have a young SK who is even to afraid to talk about daily activities, school, etc ? Not asking about her mom, dad just wants to know what is going on in general, in her life.

chirp chirp

I REALLY thnk her mom has told her to not talk to her dad. I'm sure SD6 is drilled after coming over here though, right?

It is like 3 days of trying to talk to a deaf stranger here. What kind of visitation is that? Anybody?

my sd7 is kind of like butterfly's sd; seems like she doesnt 'remember' what happens. she was talking to bm on the phone earlier this week and she had to ask dh what she did all day. Its like that too, when dh asks sd (on the phone) what she has done, she cant ever say really. She couldnt name all of her presents, even though she liked them all (and its not that she got TOO much to where she couldnt remember) She does say things like "my mommy got me this too, or i have that at mommy's house" but she doesnt talk alot about bm either, or her house, unless some random event happens (like while driving past a certain building) and then its like it triggers a 'memory' or something then she will say something about bm's house. We went to an amusement park this past summer and we always pass by it when we are driving to take her home, and this past time she asked, 'we went there didnt we?' and dh and i were like YEAH! (like you dont remember type thing) because she had SOOO much fun. That was only 6 months ago.

My SD is very much like this too. She seldom ever mentions anything that she does when with BM. And we KNOW that BM drills for every detail that goes on at our house. Even when we try to initiate friendly conversation it's like pulling teeth to get one word answers. I've always attributed it to her need to protect herself and compartmentalize. I think BM has reacted to things she's inisted on hearing about our home and SD tries to avoid that from both sides.

It's sad. And it's very much like living with a stranger. That is the very best description of what bothers me so much about SD's visitation with us, she is like an intimate stranger.

It's a very noticeable difference between her and my kids. I make certain to allow my kids freedom to have one whole life as opposed to two separate lives. I sincerly ask about their time with their father and in no way judge or react negatively to them when they talk about him and his home. There have been times in the past that he was not so helpful and I saw them starting to separate their two lives. IMHO that's not healthy so I actively try to encourage differently.

My kids do this to my ex. He tells me he can't get a word out of them and used to ask me what they did at my house.

I didn't train them to keep secrets from him, I guess they just leave here here. They tell me stuff that happens over there.

I hope that your SD is okay. My SKs never shut up about what goes on a Mommy's house....it really sucks to watch my stb husband get sad everytime they start talking about her like they could care less about being at daddy's house. We try to make it a point that we spend time doing fun things together instead of talking about mommy.

That is exactly how me and DH are. We aren't asking SS about his regular life because we want to use it against them. We are just curious to know how is life is going and that everything is ok and that he is happy. We normally just ask about his sisters, school, etc. He will answer the questions, but not really engage in a conversation. It could be just because he is 7 and would rather talk about his DS, LOL