Need to vent
Dh has full custody of ss15. BM gets summer and long holiday breaks where we fly him to her. The parenting plan is pretty clear. BM can come yo visit with 30 days notice for a reasonable amount of time and she can pay to send him for "a 3 day weekend" with 30 days notice and it can't interfere with school, extracurricular activities, or family birthdays.
Last week bm emailed that she wants ss15 to come out for a four day weekend next week. First, he would miss two days of school, second it is on dh's birthday, and third she gave only 14 days notice.
Dh responded that he couldn't accommodate but gave her a 4 day weekend in October where ss has no school and there are no conflicts. Bm responded that she would make the October weekend a 5 day vacation and then gave dates for 3 day weekends once a month for the rest of the school year.
I try so hard not to let this woman upset me but dammit it pisses me off. I understand she wants him every month but with school, it is impossible to accommodate that however we have made it open for her to come and see him any time she wants. What's the answer?
Dh said he was going to tell her no to any future dates but they could look at it on a month to month basis based on school and extracurricular activities. He is also going to limit her to one 3 day weekend for now with the option of exchanging 3 day weekend for dates in summer if she wants. The co is vague on what "a three day weekend" is exactly. She can argue that means more than one but we can argue that means one. The other details are very clear, so I think this is reasonable? What about you?
Thanks for letting me vent
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Just FYI - DD means Dear
Just FYI - DD means Dear Daughter - so you mean DH - Dear Husband.
Anyway, no, she can't take him out of school one day a month. I think DH should stand his ground that SS doesn't miss school unless he has to (like a funeral or a wedding or a once-in-a-lifetime vacation), and even then, maybe once a year, not every month. So the one in October is a 4 day weekend, and he can send her a list of all the other 3 and 4 day or more breaks that SS has for the rest of the year, and ask her to choose.
Sounds like she just wants to have a feeling of control, but too bad for her. She's the NCP and DH has to make the decisions about missed school. And he should follow the CO unless she's shown herself to be able to work with him on CO changes (and not just make changes to her own benefit).
Thank you. I'll fix it. I
Thank you. I'll fix it. I told dh to be careful that he doesn't come off as someone trying to PAS but he said he isn't. He wants bm to have a relationship with ss which is why they agreed she could visit any time she wants with notice.
Also is it reasonable that
Also is it reasonable that she gets every 3 day weekend? We should be able to have one right?
Yes, for sure - and I agree
Yes, for sure - and I agree that SS should have some say too, as IDontCare said. Though do remember, you guys have him the bulk of the time, so just wanting him around to want him around might not go over well, vs. wanting him home for a 3-day weekend because you are going camping or grandparents are visiting, or whatever.
Can I ask - who moved away? Did you guys move or did she move? That makes a difference to me. If she chose to move, then she has to deal with the consequences of that, ie, that she won't see her son monthly. But if you guys moved away and took him with you, I'd feel differently about it.
"BM, I don't think it's a good idea for SS to miss so much school, he's in high school now and taking hard courses. Here are his long weekends, let's divide them as follows, if that works for you. If you need to take him out of school for special occasions, let me know, but otherwise, let's keep it to just the days he has off, thanks."
Most NCPs just get summers and alternating holidays, so he's hardly PASing. Plus, PASing is about turning a kid against the other parent, not setting reasonable limits on missed school.
We moved away but did not
We moved away but did not pressure ss at all. Plus, he was already in the process of moving in with us full time. He is kind of sick of his mom's bs. It is just irritating because she made a request that we could not accommodate and now she is having a tantrum. Ss said he would rather go every other three day weekend then have her come up on the other times. I thought this was reasonable.
Fair enough, then let her
Fair enough, then let her have every 3 day weekend. You guys still have him a lot more than she does and you chose to move away from her.
BM also needs to take into
BM also needs to take into consideration how SS may feel about every long weekend being spent in airports flying to see her. That crap gets old. He's at the age where having a break from school and being able to relax or see his friends is more appealing than shuffling off to mom's house.