SS3’s giant birthday extravaganza was this Saturday… and all things considered (BM hosting in their old house together with all of her neighbors and work pals looking on at the “new chippie” in DH’s life) the party went really well! I’m starting to think that Mother Russia is legitimately trying to keep things friendly for the sake of the kids.

She and I went shopping together Friday night to pick out food and decorations for the party… I went over to her place hours before the event and we did everything together side by side to get everything set up… and it was all REALLY comfortable! We even discussed she and DH’s relationship from beginning to end… like friends! Not that I’m “totally” letting my guard down around her, I know that old adage about keeping your friends close and your enemies closer may apply here, but I really feel she and DH had a completely mutual split. She says she doesn’t regret her marriage in any way but she’s definitely happier without him! She jokingly said that she prefers “parenting” with me over DH because of how well we get along together. Wild… right..?

So the Saturday party was as good as it could get.

And then Sunday (the baby’s “actual” birthday) hit… and Mother Russia was keeping the boys all weekend since we had them all of the fourth of July weekend while family was in town visiting (DH made that deal and I agreed it was only fair). Even though we were with him all day Saturday at the party (from when he woke up till he was bathed and put to bed) and we’re getting the skids back today after work for the rest of the week (we have primary custody) DH sulked around all day yesterday, bemoaning the fact that he wasn’t with “his boy” on his birthday… and called BM’s house repeatedly all day wanting to talk to SS3 and sing to him and tell SS6 hooooooow proud he was of him for being such a goooooooood boy (and I’m feeling particularly snarky where SS6 is concerned because he’s been openly hostile for about a week and DH doesn’t seem to care.)…. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because I’m not a biological parent and don’t understand those kinds of emotions… but I just wanted to yak. I feel like such a bi*ch saying so… but my skin was literally crawling all day.

And here’s the severe kick to Moon Child’s nuts…
While I was trying to be there for him and trying damn hard to be understanding while still trying to point out the fact that we have the skids more than any divorced father I’ve ever heard of… he poutingly looks at me and says, “I knew days like these would be coming… I guess it’s just part of “the trade”…

WHAT… exactly… is just part of the trade..? Was he implying that he traded his precious time with his children to be with me…? Cause I won’t be looked upon as the bloody knife in the sacrificial lamb that is his time with his kids. I go above and beyond every flippin day to try to make sure he the kids and flippin Mother Russia are happy and comfortable to the point of my own discomfort, and why? Cause I NEVER want him to look back at our relationship with any regrets. And when days like yesterday pop up all I feel like is one GIANT regret in his book… because no matter what I do or how much I love him, nothing in the world will ever measure up to 100% time with his kids. Everything else is apparently… just part of the trade.

What a martyr… I wonder how much weight of that cross he’s carrying has come from me. (?)I don’t know… just feeling worthless and completely in the way today… ya know? I need a booze… anyone for lunchtime cocktails with the ol’Moon Child?