So I posted a bit ago about my situation and how almost all the kids have moved out. My DH and I have five kids altogether, for those of you that don’t know our situation. SD23, SS22, SS20, SD18 and BD19. All have lived with us our entire marriage of 6 years, and we’ve been together for 7 years. We were friends for a year prior to dating, so we have known each other for 8 years.

Needless to say, almost right after we got married the honeymoon was over. We did ask all the kids how they felt about us getting married and if they objected we probably would not have gone through with it. My DH said that all his kids were good with it, and were excited. Well, his oldest , now 23, was NOT okay with it and made our lives a living hell. He kicked her out four months after we were married – on Mother’s Day to be exact. She has been a nightmare from day one.

I went into this marriage very naively. I am a Christian, and I did believe that God brought us together and was very prayerful about marrying a man who had four children – because to be quite honest I thought it was insane!!  But I thought if God brought us together that He would make it possible. Well, it has been very difficult, and it made me into someone I have not liked – which I’m sure many of you can relate to whether you’re a Christian or not. I was angry all of the time. Got on anti-depressants and many other meds to help me function throughout my life.

Well, now the kids are all older and able to move out, etc. My daughter is off at her first year of college, although having her home is a piece of cake! She is a great kid and very respectful of both me and my DH. Oldest SD23 has not been allowed to live with us for a couple of years. She did break up with her boyfriend at the end of 2012, and we did not offer to allow her to live with us (she has a son now who is 1 years old) – but seeings how we have nearly divorced because of her my DH didn’t offer this time. I have told him MANY times that if he EVER lets her move back in our marriage will be over, and I will leave him – I won’t even hesitate. I’ve said it enough times that he knows I’m super serious.

While she was broke up with her boyfriend she spent the night one night – even though where she was living at the time was only 5 minutes away – and that night at about 11 pm after she had put the baby down to sleep, she says to us “I’m going out and will be back later.” Uh….what?!!! I told my DH I was NOT okay with that at all! She has a baby and her baby is her #1 priority. She didn’t ask, she TOLD us. Then she gets home at 1 am, and then spends the night. She then proceeds to tell my DH the next morning that her boyfriend has her credit card and she needs diapers, and go get her diapers. So my DH went to the store and bought her diapers. I think she was trying to worm her way into living at our house. While he was at the store – I went and grabbed my suitcase, and packed a bunch of my stuff, and when he got home I told him I was leaving and that he needed to get his priorities straight. I was NOT putting up with that crap, and I needed to figure out what I was going to do. I was gone for a week – he came down where I was and we did celebrate our anniversary, but when we were leaving to go back home I ended up having a panic attack because I didn’t want to go home.

At this time, SD18, SS20, SS22 were living there and SD23 was always there. I couldn’t take it. He told me that he had handled it. I had a friend praying about the situation and of course, I was praying too – I didn’t even really know what to pray anymore.

So on February 14 – SD18 tells us she is moving out, moving in with a friend and her friend’s mom, is going to get on food stamps (and that will be her rent to her friend’s mom)! She is still in high school and said she was going to finish high school, but just said that she had been miserable for over a year or longer, but she said “no offense” – it’s the whole “it’s not you, it’s me” line!

We also told SS20 he had to start paying rent as of Feb. 1, and he told us that he was not going to pay rent to us that he would rather move out! So he began looking for a place. So instead he moves in with one of his friends and his friends’ parents – so he’s not really even on his own either, but at least he is out of the house! And SD23 has not been coming around AT ALL! The only time we hear from her is when she wants money or babysitting. I think she and her boyfriend are back together, and his parents are watching the baby again. I’m fine with that because to be quite honest, I didn’t want to get attached to the baby because she will just use him as a pawn – and I believe already tries to do it now. It just doesn’t work because I have lots of friends who let me watch their kids, and I actually know and love their kids because they are a part of my life!

I had been watching the baby 3-4 days a week right after she split with her boyfriend but it was getting to be too much, and I had to start working again. So I was less available and that pissed her off. So I said I was available one day a week to help her out. So during this same time she asked her Dad for $1800 to finish up her school – we didn’t have the money. So she asked us to co-sign the loan, and I didn’t want to do that either. It’d be one thing if she actually had a relationship with us or even tried, but she only wants us when she wants something. She was screaming at him on the phone that other people help her more than her own family. So he caves and co-signs on the loan. I told him if he caved and did that she would think that it was ok to behave that way – like giving into a 2 year old. Thankfully the loan did not get approved – and get this, it was because she had stuff in collection and bad credit! Shocker!!

And SS22 is FINALLY moving out on Sunday!! Thank you Lord!!!! He was going to stay longer – like until June because he is getting married at the end of June 2012, but he got a job and they require him to move closer to work – so hasta la vista baby! So basically, ALL of the SKIDS are out!!

I asked my friend what she was praying and how she was praying for me the last time I saw her because I said everyone has moved out – with the exception of my daughter – and she said that she just prayed for peace in my home!! I thanked her from the bottom of my heart because I truly have peace, and feel content. My DH and I hardly ever fight anymore and my sex drive is coming back!

We see the skids on our terms. And when they have wanted to come over and I didn’t feel like it, and told my DH no – he listened to me! I am so thankful! I even told him that I was so thankful for him and the fact that he is for me – it does cause me to love him more. I also did the “Love Dare” on him and didn’t tell him, and I do think that that helped our marriage too. I did it before all the kids moved out --- so I think it caused him to be even more endeared to me as well. 

I know we’ve still got stuff ahead of us, but for now I’m very thankful for the “break” that I’m getting. I thank God every day for the break I’m getting and for the peace. I told my DH I don’t EVER want them coming back. EVER. Maybe while they’re out on their own they will learn some appreciation?

Yes we still have to deal with some stuff, but with them out of the house, I have to say it is far easier to deal with.

I do think that I can be my own worst enemy at times though because sometimes my own mind and the memories of stuff they have done goes through my head. Usually something will trigger it. I’m sure that will get better with time, right?

Stepaside – I know your skids are finally out of the home, does it get better once they are out? I mean, I know there is still stuff to deal with, but like in my own mind – wondering if the triggers will get less and less, for example, if they leave me alone like they have. It would be nice for my sake if they would just leave me alone!  But I know my DH would be sad. Although he has gotten quite the reality punch in the gut with all this happening all at once – seeing his kids for who they really are. It’s a bit of a relief for me that he sees the truth, but I feel sad for him.

Anyways – my encouragement is that prayer worked in my situation, I have peace for now, and am hoping that this continues for a while. I do have a wedding to deal with on June 30th – my SS22 is getting married. I’m really not looking forward to it. Isn’t that awful?

Alright, signing off for now. Thanks for listening.