I don't hate SD, I don't even dislike SD as a person, I just don't love SD or have any special sort of bond with her like I do my own children or even my other immediate or extended family (parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, close cousins, etc.), so that I don't miss SD when she's not around, nor do I have an interest in spending time with her when she is around, and instead I just feel uncomfortable and resentful for feeling forced to have her around when I wouldn't otherwise want her around.

I don't think SD is a bad kid, but rather pretty normal/average. I do think SD is lacking in discipline, responsibility and common sense, but I appropriately fault her parents for that, & not her. It's unfortunate, however, that when SD is exercising visits in MY home I am subject to this lack of parenting, and the fact that I have much younger children of my own in my home who are held to a much higher standard makes it difficult to fully disengage from SD which further exacerbates the situation.

I get very anxious and depressed beginning the Monday before the weekend of SD's visit in anticipation of the impending visit, & I count the hours from the time SD arrives until the time she goes home like I'm awaiting parole from prison. I secretly long for the possible day when SD no longer wants to visit because the social activities & friends at BM's become more important to her, & I love the missed (VERY RARE) & abbreviated visits due to her involvement in other activities.

I'm not jealous of SD, but I do have a problem with her relationship with H. I am extremely irritated by the fact that SD manipulates H by playing the innocent, naive helpless baby when its convenient for her (like to get out of responsibility & accountability), but then assumes adult spousal status when that suits her as well (like non-age appropriate privileges), & H plays right into it. It's like they're BFFs having a sleep over, and THAT is the WORST part of the visits - my having to witness this & subsidize it! However, I am and would always be supportive of H spending as much time with SD as possible, but I would simply prefer that these visits did not take place in MY home, or even in my presence.

I don't have a problem with SD's sibling relationship with my sons, but I do admit I have trouble with thinking of SD as their "sister". I dont like hearing her called that (lest people mistake SD for being my child - YIKES!), & I don't consider it the same as the sibling relationship between my sons, mainly because my sons are being raised together with MY values, while at the same time I also do NOT like the example that SD sets for my sons as a "big sister". Im my opinion the value of having SD as a big sister is quite limited due the fact that SD's abilities in that role seem quite limited because they are already in many ways below that which BS6 already possesses & very little beyond. That said, having SD12 around usually feels like an additional burden rather than helpful. Nevertheless, my sons love SD and I believe she loves them too, so I also look forward to the day when everyone can benefit from SD's visits, when H gets to spend time with SD as much as he wants & my sons can spend time with SD too without me having to be there to witness or participate in it because it no longer takes place in MY home or involves me!

I don't have a problem with SD's BM. There are no jealous or insecure feelings between us because BM was over H long before H & I got together, & I've just never been the jealous insecure type. BM actually seems like a nice enough lady who loves SD even if her parenting style is a bit selfish & neglectful in my opinion. BM also seems to try her best to co-parent with H in a reasonable manner - she accepts below guideline non-court ordered child support and typically does not seem to have a problem with sharing in any additional expenses. She has SD most of the time but has never denied H any additional access, & even offered additional on several ocassions.

I am ready for H & I to separate now asap, & I admit that part of the reason I'm ready for this happen sooner rather than later is that I am ready to end the torture for me that is H's eow visits with SD. 

I'm ready for H to have to support himself & his children again rather than me feeling like I have 3 children & 4 eow when SD is here (5 when ss lived here!) 

I'm ready for H to actually care for his children on his own without relying on me to be there to provide most of the care, while he simply "helps out" as he deems necessary.

I'm ready to finally be able to have an occasional break when H has kids to do something for myself or take care of some much needed projects around the house.

I'm ready to have my house back to being able to have nice things without worrying if H & kids will ruin them.

I'm ready for this sham of a marriage & "blended" family to be over.