She arrived early yesterday morning.

** Originally posted in the Disengagement Forum. Update added below.

The other night I asked DH when Skid will be here, because I like to be prepared.

DH stares off in space for a second, then responds with “Uh, mid month I believe?”

I don’t respond.

He continues “I know that BM booked the flight and that skid is going to miss her holiday concert at school. Skid is not too happy about that, even though I know she’s excited to come here.”

So, in a nutshell, he knows the date - the in-laws always pick skid up at the airport, because of DH’s work schedule. I know he knows. He wants to keep it on the down low, though, so he can trick me into engaging with her somehow, some way, probably out in a public place, where I will have to put on my best happy face.

Since the in-laws always pick skid up from the airport, I sent MIL a text yesterday asking when she’ll be here, that DH didn’t have an exact date (I admit that was a payback jab for all the times he has thrown me under the bus with visitation crap). I’m disengaged from the day to day care taking and entertaining of skid, but my DD knows she’ll be here “soon” and has been asking.

My MIL immediately replied with: “Skid flew in this morning. Let me know when it’s a good time for you, momjeans.” I didn’t reply. Still haven’t.

And, of course, DH is still sticking with his story that he didn’t know. In fact, not long after getting MIL’s text, DH sent me a text: “momjeans, I found out skid was here when I sent her a text this morning. That was when I found out. Had I known when, you know i would have told you.”

BS. No, he would not have. Every visitation has played out this way since disengaging, DESPITE DH pleading with me it is never his intention for it to be this way, he wants transparency in our marriage, his mom is playing passive-aggressive games, blah blah blah.

I am irked with all of this. It’s always the same crap, just different visitation. I’m at a loss what to say to him at this point. I feel like he’s a pathological liar, that he’s too codependent and enabling to stand up to his narcissistic mom, and I need to somehow address it.

Thoughts?