Foxie
You're awesome! It's a great idea and I think I'm going to really look into this for him. Honestly, we don't have much money--but...as you suggest, he can get loans and would probably love the college very much! When I went to school I lived there and eventually paid off school--looking back it was the best thing for me! This is maybe what he really needs! Thank you so much--you really lifted my heart on this one!

Dear HRNYC,
Thank you so much for your compassion and wisdom once again! My new husband has been working very hard to get a job--it's been a real frustration for him on so many levels--which as I shared hasn't helped with the situation I was writing about.

I really think getting my son on a campus would be great. The community college that he goes to doesn't have a campus..but...maybe we can look into transferring him to a state college and taking out loans--there must be something for us out there! He does attend counseling twice a month--but honestly, in all the years that he's had it, it hasn't really done too much for him. The good news is that he is maturing a little and has make some good stides to better himself within...he just can't get out of his own way and doesn't welcome any help. I think he's going to be one of these people who has to let life and it's lessons guide him on his life's journey.

My new husband does support me in the understanding of being in the middle but he's frustrated too and I'm trying so hard to support each side of this. It seems all I've been doing lately when I lay my head on the pillow is tear. But I know we're all good people and that this will pass.

thank you so much for helping me--I really appreciate you and your thoughts and ideas!!

Dear Not The Maid,
I totally agree with you in every way! When my new husband has suggested this, I've been very supportive of the idea. I guess, it's just that I feel sad that he has to do this. When we first married I truly wanted my home to be a safe and happy haven for my new family. My husband's exwife's home is very stressful for the step children. Although my step children seem very happy here, I do understand that my new husband needs to make sure that they are not in a stressful environment. Also, my father-in-law only lives 20 minutes from our home...so when my husband takes his kids there, I can sleepover and spend time with them there. Thank you for saying what you did. You're absolutely right that he needs to do this. I do believe that he loves me very much and is truly looking out for us all in this matter! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts I really appreciate you very much!

Dear houtxstepmom,
I couldn't agree with you more! I have done honestly everything from enabling him, helping him look for jobs, letting go and letting him take his power back--you name it! It's a tiring situation. I also agree with the fact that he's a young man and that even with his issues needs to take charge. I was on my own by the time I was 17--so I truly get what you're saying. He's stuck and can't get out of his way and quite honestly, is lazy on some levels (although he's doing an awesome job in school!) One of the other writers reminded me that part of financial aid packages is work study--this would be great for him! He could work, go to school on campus,live there and feel empowered! Thanks to all of you, I'm going to look into this more. Our financial situation is difficult, but there's always possibilities I'm sure! Right now he attends a community college where there are no dorms..so we'd have to look into perhaps transferring him to a state college. Thank you houtstepmom!

Also, houtxstepmom,
to answer your other question...he is in counseling--has been since 14, it has helped a little, but keep in mind he was abandoned by his bio dad at that age, his brother also left him (and me over a year ago), has depression and anxiety. He carries many good and not so good qualities of us both to be sure...his bio dad is angry, controlling, self-centered, inflexable--which my son favors. Having recently restarted his relationship with his bio dad has been rough, too because he's been caught in the middle of trying to reestablish a bond with his bio dad--yet his bio dad still feeds him unkind words of me and my family--so it's been hard. I can't say don't see your dad--but in my heart, that's not helping my son move on in a lighter way. Not sure if that made sense. Anyway, he has gotten help and continues to do so...but doesn't always want to do the work that goes with it! Thank you again for your thoughts--you're a very wise lady!

Dear Disneyfan,
You're very smart--and yes, I've been trying to help my son look into summer work--he can be very lazy about following through and there comes a point where I'm going to do what I can, of course, but I can't do the work for him. It's like they say--you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make him drink--that's kind of where I am on the job thing. But we're working on it the best of the abilities involved. My new husband, as I shared in an earlier post, was laid off from work 6 months ago. He's been diligently working on applying every day and making follow up calls, taking classes to redirect him in the job-huntin process, you name it...I do believe he will get something soon, but it's adding to the many stresses our new little family is having now as you can imagine. Thank you very much for writing!

Dear RainbowsAndDaisies,
Thank you for your information and note! My son has anxiety and depression. During the last four years of his life he also had gained so much weight--which added to his issues. He had bariatric surgery (his choice) and lost half his body weight and looks awesome. The good news with this is it has bolstered his confidence and allowed him to start to move ahead with his life and attend community college. I have looked in to NAMI before and may look into it again thanks to you! Thank you so much!