Weird feelings
My ss6 is a good kid for the most part. It's been him and DH alone for the last four years before I came along and BM stayed away doing her own thing until I was known. Ss6 is getting to see more of his BM which is great but the more he spends time with her the more I see her in his attitude and the way he acts. He talks badly to DH and demands things from him. He doesn't listen until I put the rules into place and then he cries. He doesn't say please or thank you unless I'm around. He is very sneaky and wants to be spoiled all the time. DH doesn't want to do much of the disipline because he wants to be the best dad ever and never have his son turn against him like BM will try until she is blue in the face. ss6 lies right to our face and then thinks he isn't going to be punished for it or just gets a talking to. He thinks if he is told no on Tuesday then is magically ok on Wednesday.
It's frustrating to live with this boy and also the nonsense that comes from BM. Both of them think they are owed something in life it seems. Sadly but I can't wait until he leaves for half of the summer so it's just me and DH. Is that wrong to think or do I need to really feel like he is my own child and never let him go? It's hard because I know what it's like to be treated like the stepchild and I don't want my ss to feel that way but my buttons are being pushed everyday and more so.
Please advice
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Hey girl, I know where you
Hey girl, I know where you are coming from. Before my DH and I got married the BM even caused us to break up and I moved out. It only lasted 4 months before he caught her cheating on him yet again, and she never took care of the girls. The house was never clean, the girls never had to clean their rooms and all the training I had worked on them with, i.e their manners and minding, was all out the door. I had to start from scratch. We had been together for 2 1/2 yrs before our "break up". So you can understand the frustration I had when I moved back "home". My DH does not believe in spanking (to a point) and I am NOT allowed to spank them bc they are not my children (his words), but expects me to treat them like they are (that's hard to do when I have rules I can't break, bc if they where my children the would get spanked for some of the crap they pull). They live with us and get to visit their BM every other weekend and some holidays (basic custody) that is when the BM feels like being a mom. Mostly its for show. So now that being said I have tried several different punishment methods till I found one that works like a dream! Time outs didn't do a thing to help with manners much less minding. Spankings are out of the question even when SD5 was 3 and kick me in the face on purpose. So I went to the dollar store and bought up a butt load of $1 toys and a clear plastic shoe box. Now my SDs are 9,5 and 6, I started this just 2 yrs ago when I just couldn't take anymore back talking ill mannered whining bratty behavior. What I did with the now "treasure chest" was : I sat the girls down and asked them what kind of punishments where fair. They gave me these : bed early 10 and 20 mins, stand on the wall 5 to 10 mins, push ups 5 to 10, reading 20 mins, money taken out of their allowance from .25 to $1, no snack at snack time, no tv from 1 day to a week, no video games from 1 day to a week, and extra chores. Then I wrote them down on little papers and folded them in to a cup marked consequences. I then took another cup and made a treat cup with redemptions and treasure chest slips (more chest slips than redemptions tho). Now every time I had to get on to them for breaking a rule I would just tell them to pull a slip. They knew from the get go that if any adult had to repeat themselves to them they would pull a slip and if we weren't at home when it happened they would pull 2 slips. Every night before bed the kid(s) that didn't pull a slip would be able to pull from the treat cup for either a redemption or a toy from the treasure chest. This worked so well!! When they would go to their BM and return its would be like she took an eraser to their memories and I always felt like I was starting over. Now when they would come home all I would have to say is do you want to pull a slip and they would all of a sudden regain their memories! Over a year and a half later I had to change it up a little bit and now do a ribbon system kinda like the slips. I again went to the dollar store and bought lots of reward ribbons (they don't get to keep them I reuse them). I bought 2 of each. They have them for all kinds of thing from going to the potty and learning abc's to eating your food and doing your homework even going to bed! so now the have to earn ribbons for things that I just may see them do right or nice. But if I get on to them for anything they lose a ribbon. At the end of the night if they have 3 ribbons they get a pick from that treasure chest. This one is working pretty well too! I do treat them like they are my kids (I don't have any of my own but this is how I would treat them if I did). So what I am getting at is since spankings are out of the question in your home too, and the kiddo doesn't want to listen to step mom, I bet he would I she was giving him a prize for it.
I don't have to remind them to use their manners or keep saying the something over and over anymore bc they all 3 know that if I do they won't get their ribbons. Bedtime and dinner time are so much easier and they race each other to see who can finish their food first and every morning they ask who fell asleep first. Bedtime is quiet now too, no talking for hours or finding excuses to get out of bed bc they "forgot" to give the dog a hug goodnight. Returning home from BMs with no attitudes is nice too. Just a thought on how you can make it fun for SS to listen to SM 