Really? Does BM have to be like this?
BM gets skid 3 weekends a month. Each time she sends him home in pajamas. This time for once he wore his normal clothes home. She also likes to spoil the snot out of skid and take him to mcdonalds for all his meals. This kid doesn't play with what he has in his room and also has a heart condition. Skid now comes home with toys from BM's house and then the next week tells us that BM wants him to bring them back. This time it's a water bottle that skid hasn't used since Christmas.
Skids lies to us and says that he wants to take it back to her house but we know that she has asked him to bring it back. Skid also pulls the comment "I can only have mcdonalds every once in a while cuz the heart doctor says." He doesn't seem to care to tell her this because that's all her eats.
I'm doing my best to tell myself that she really is a bad mom and doesn't know how to be a mom. She buys her kids love because one she took off on him and two she wants to seem like the better parent. I feel that this skid and his mother are playing very hard to break DH and I apart.
Do I go full out war with skid or back off and let DH and him do all the "family" things? Skid is smart and knows exactly what is going on. I'm stuck yet again because I know DH and I can have a good like together but these two in his life make it very difficult.
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Why would you go to war with
Why would you go to war with the SKID? What is there to go to war about? I would say nothing to the child and address any issues or concerns you have to your husband. If he agrees or thinks action should be taken then let him take care of it with his ex. If he is fine with how things are then yes I would back off for now. There is no reason that you cant have a good life with your husband and his child. The child (and to some degree) the BM is a permanent part of your life, but it doesn't have to be a negative one. There is no reason that the BM should not be able to request that the toys she buys her child should come back with him. Who wants to buy there kid something to never see it again? On the lesser occasion that I let my SD take things with her to BM's I always request that she bring clothes/toys back with her....and she does. It works both ways in regards to things that come from the other household into mine. Also I highly doubt that BM has to buy her child's love....it is free. He will love her forever no matter what she does. Good or bad. That is a reality as a SM you have to deal with, accept, and embrace. Try to give up some of the competitiveness....it doesn't matter that she is NCP. It doesn't matter what her short comings are. She will always be mom and she will always be loved by the child, and once you are OK with that you will be happier. Good luck.
Allgirls, My SD knows that
Allgirls,
My SD knows that being responsible for her belongings and bringing what belongs at this house to it, and taking what comes from the other house back to it is a CONDITION of being allowed to take things back and forth. It is a responsibility she is accepting when she asks to take the item. The other mom is also aware but we agree that teaching SD6 to be responsible for her possessions is important. If she wakes up in the morning and remembers what I told her then she was listening, and will follow through because she knows there will be consequences if she doesn't. That is the desired effect and a good thing. I dont need her to have a stress free life...I need her to know how to handle and manage stress and responsibility appropriately. This is not a regular occasion....but special....usually reserved for something new that she got that she is really excited about...or wants to show the resident of the house she is going to. She does fine and is often times better at remembering what needs to go where then other mom and I are.