anxiety rollercoaster
Here we again sit in a court battle with BM. we have caught her lying about where ss goes while he is with her. dh is going for full custody now and is sick of the games. we wait for her attorneys response to our 104 page response from her original plea to change driving arrangements. this bm is unreal. ss has a heart condition. caregivers need to know that if something goes wrong that immediate attention is needed. bm doesnt tell anyone caring for ss of this condition.
on ss birthday last year there was such an issue about school treats. we took them on his bday and two weeks later she made some. we made ss wait to take them because it wasn't fair to take treats twice. bm flipped. now halloween is here and she wants to make them, acts like the teacher asked her to make them and then acts like its the same scenario. CRAZY!!!
bm gives my husband anxiety. she gives me anxiety because every week it's something about pick/drop off or some other issues bm wants to be crazy about. she wont give ss the things he really needs in life like a stable home (she is 30 and lives with her mom), a room to himself (he shares with bm) or the basics parents really need to supply. she only is there for toys, movies and trips to disneyland or legoland. it breaks my heart to see dh not be the one to take his son to those places for the first time. dh just recently quit his job and stays home with our 3 month old. he is now a stay at home dad. i make enough to keep the house and life necessities paid for but being able to always go on trips and buy things isn't how we can live now. yes ss can have a great christmas and birthday but i plan very well for those things. we do trips to places that don't cost a lot like camping, fishing, hiking or seeing family members.
since ss is 8 yrs old will he grow out of the materialistic phase and realize we truly are the ones that took care of it and helped him make it through life or will he turn on my dh and hate him down the road? i dont want that. i know that i have my daughter to enough those first things with but i don't want to turn my back on my ss.
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Comments
Will he grow out of it? Not
Will he grow out of it? Not likely. As an adult he may look back and have an "aha!" moment, but don't hold your breath. BM just bought SD17.5 a late model BMW as a bribe to continue the hate campaign and no contact with me, DH, and our DDs. So far it's worked like a charm. SD just completely blew off DH's birthday, and ignored us when we ran into her at the mall.
Would we change how we've parented her, and the emotional efforts we've given her? No way. Would I suggest DH buy her more "things" to secure her love and involvement with us? Not a chance.
You're not "leaving SS behind" because you look forward to having these "firsts" with your own daughter. You don't owe him any special treatment, nor does he necessarily deserve it, just because his BM uses fun, money, and extravagance to "out-do" you guys. Someday soon she will have to choose between doing all of these huge things for him and living an independent life. It'll balance out a bit when she has to face reality. Just keep on doing what you're doing, and know that she is clearly insecure about her position if she has to keep doing things like this to "win".
Also, congrats on your new daughter and being able to work it out financially to have a parent home with her during the day. That is an impossibility for a lot of families, and if it takes a more frugal lifestyle to provide that for your DD, then that's what it takes. You are doing some wonderful things on the homefront, and sacrifices for the greater good are just that. The only thing constant is change, so enjoy this time, and try not to worry about what BM is doing to look good to her son. Most kids ultimately end up seeing that their affections were purchased in the form of the "latest and greatest", and that ends up being viewed as weak sauce in the long run.