OT invitations.
Even when you've been in the family longer are you still 2nd?? Just got an invitation to SOs nephews engagement party and it was address to... SOs first and last name & family.
Ive clearly been with SO longer then his nephew and fiancé (both 25) have been together and it just feels like they couldn't make the effort to put both of our names... or because we aren't married my name isn't important.. I don't know.. might just being sensitive. Stuff like this annoys me though. It feels almost 2nd
Funny how his other nephews wife sent a thank you for her baby shower and it's addressed SOs/my last name. She did this with the invitation for their wedding, jack and Jill and baby shower.. she gets it.
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I think folks sometimes get
I think folks sometimes get too swept up in the formality of these sorts of things to think about how it comes across. If this nephew has been warm and welcoming to you in the past, I would just assume that they read some "rule" about how you're supposed to address things and did it that way. Or they made some sort of blanket rule that they only include the name of the person they are related to and put "and family" to include everyone else. If this nephew has been less pleasant in the past, just assume that this is a continuation of that behavior.
But it makes sense that it would sting. Personally I think we over-value marriage, especially with how easy it is to get divorced. I'm not saying people can't put a lot of value on their own marriages, but using marriage as the "gold standard" for a committed, loving, healthy relationship is silly. You have shown more loyalty to your SO and his family than many married women would.
I think that's why it made me
I think that's why it made me upset. SOs family is great and we all get along good. So to not be listed with my name on a invitation really... tbh.. pissed me off. It wasn't to be disrespectful to me or anything.. I just took it as a kind of of insult... they couldn't fit SOs name, my name and family so just chose SO and family I'm assuming..
For what it's worth, as
For what it's worth, as someone who was a young adult not too long ago, I'd probably have made a similar mistake on an invitation while trying to be polite and/or a rule follower. I'd have felt awful if I knew it upset someone as that wouldn't have been my intent. Your feelings are valid, so I'm not trying to take that away from you. If you are close to this nephew, you could try to explain how it made you feel so he doesn't make a similar mistake in the future.
If something could be taken
If something could be taken two ways.. one hurtful and one innocently.. or even positively.. and the person doing it has generally been a positive welcoming person to you. Why would you assume they had ill intent.. that is kind of my way of breaking it down.
It was likely done out of "laziness" more than any adherance to some code of etiquette. They see you as "family".. even if you have not officially married into the family.
But writing out... Mr X and Family.. and ms main squeeze...
they may have also enlisted help to write invites.. and the person helping did it.
I would try to adjust my reaction and expectations.. and understand that making any kind of deal of this is likely to cause more harm than good.. unless you truly cannot stomach the situation.. (which was very likely not meant to hurt you period).
It definitely wasn't meant in
It definitely wasn't meant in any sort of way.. there is no need to bring it up to them and I won't.
Just from me.. because the length of time I've been with SO, I have zero problems with his family.. they all love me so no problems there.. It would be nice to be "included" if that makes sense.
Because we aren't married I can't get my name on envelope.. I took it personally (like I said they didn't do intentionally) as just another factor of being with someone "2nd."
do you want to be married to
do you want to be married to him? is that more of the issue?
Because when they sent it "& family".. it seems THEY were considering you family and didn't think they needed to list you separately?
If they put "and family" on
If they put "and family" on invitations, I hope they are prepared for extras and young children. It's an open invitation.
Try to look on the bright side -- they consider you family.
Oh that's good
Bring some random kids and say they are 'family' haha.
But, maybe they meant SO can bring his kids?
Bring the whole neighborhood
Bring the whole neighborhood haha. The invitation was to include the kids too.
I like that haha!
I like that haha!
Doesn't anyone refer to an
Doesn't anyone refer to an etiquette book anymore? This smacks of ignorance, plain and simple.
That's what I said!!!
That's what I said!!!
It is strange
It should have been to both of your names. But, I wouldn't really be bothered by it either. Feel free to do the same when you write their card - Congrats Nephew and family' LOL. Then they might get it!
This type of thing does not even register with me.
My ILs ignored me for the first few years my DW and were married. I did not have to ignore it. It just did not register.
Ultimately I was accepted.
Don't let this bother you. It is in poor taste, but if your ILs are not toxic, give yourself a break.
Just my thoughts of course.