You are here

I feel like BS is second class to MIL

MidwestStepmom's picture

Submitted by MidwestStepmom on Thu, 12/17/2015 - 1:11am

I've had this feeling since giving birth to BS19months that MIL doesn't see him as equal like the other grandkids and ss14, all because I am the second wife. Everyone in the family dislikes BM and think she was a horrible wife (she cheated) and mother. However, when MIL calls she talks to DH only a few minutes about BS19m, and he's going through an age where he does something different everyday. But when the subject comes to Ss14, it can go on for hours of "poor ss14, blah blah".

She also comes up here to visit, but stays at SILs. We live 5 hours away, so it's not an easy day trip. Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get her to come to our house. We have a spare bedroom and everything that SIL doesn't have. We all know SIL abuses MIL as a babysitter, but she will never say no to her.

MIL moved away before BS was born and so did my mother (who I have strained relationship with), I would like BS to have some strong connection to another relative besides DH and I.

Comments

RedRedVines's picture

Submitted by RedRedVines on Thu, 12/17/2015 - 9:15am

I think this is pretty common. My MIL and FIL dote on the skids. My DS will be 1 soon and they have never expressed much interest. When SD and SS were born, my in laws put 10k into savings accounts that they add to every year. No such account for DS. It bothers me that they show such a disparity in interest but not much we can do to make them want to be more involved.

stepinafrica's picture

Submitted by stepinafrica on Thu, 12/17/2015 - 9:32am

Pretty much the only thing you can do is to let go. It is a very common situation for step families. My in laws also over compensate for my SS' mother being deceased. I don't think about it very much honestly.

DPW's picture

Submitted by DPW on Thu, 12/17/2015 - 9:39am

Seems so common... which is so terrible.

Like the others have said, the only person who can address this is your DH and if he has no problem with it, then the best you can do is let it go for your own sanity. Hard to do though.... no parent wants to see there child treated lesser than the others.

Ineedadoover's picture

Submitted by Ineedadoover on Sun, 12/20/2015 - 4:14pm

One day you may be thankful that they are not smothering your kid. MIL has CLEAR favorites for SS13. Now, my situation is a little different since BSs are not DH's. However, technically, SS13 isn't either biologically, but DH and MIL have been in his life his whole life so it is a little different. However, the damage that has been done by coddling this kid is irreversible at this point. He won't understand that the world doesn't revolve around him until he is out on his own.

My family also favors my bios but never ever in front of SS or DH and we don't make a big deal of it. DH's family does it in front of me and my bios. I give my bios so much love and affection and attention that they don't notice any difference and I like it that way. I think it may be harder for your since you don't have your family to balance things out. Do you have any other family members close or friends that you can name as godparents for your child and foster that relationship?