You may not be able to control his kids but you can control what's left of your money. What would happen if you took what was left and locked it into a cd with your name only? Get on craigslist and start selling everything that isn't nailed down? At least then you can raise some money for yourself. He certainly doesn't need to be playing disneyland dad while living off of you!

This may seem incredibly junvenile...but what if you change your bedroom doorknob to a keyed entry and kept your things in there while at work?

What's worse... being broke and treated like dirt or being broke and alone? Only you know how bad it is and can decide.

I guess the best advice I have is to start taking some control of your life. They can only run it if you let them!!!

Keep your chin up and backbone straight!!!

"Courage is fear holding on a minute longer." General George S. Patton

NOW IS THE TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! OneBigTest had it right..... don't fail yourself honey.

I usually try to "work things out" and I was reading that way until I got to your sentences and I"m copying them here....

" i have nofeelings for my husband, none, i am no longer attracted to him, i don't respect him anymore, but if i leave, i have another failed relationship"

If that is really how you feel, then there's your answer. There is no longer a reason to stay in the marriage, or keep fighting for a relationship with his daughter, or keep using your settlement money to make their lives better. Is your name on the house that you put so much money into? If yes, then start discussing with him how to sell the house and split the profits (I'm saying split the profits here because I'm guessing your husband did some of the work? Is that correct?). If no, then take the rest of your settlement money and use it to take care of yourself and your own needs. You can try to get back the money you put into the house, but it could be difficult.

In any event, I really believe that if you have no feelings for your husband, don't respect him, and aren't attracted to him anymore, then unfortunately, it's time to start figuring out how to move on. Staying doesn't make it get better, and could be even worse for you down the line.

Best wishes...

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"If you could only see.... what love has made of me.... then I'd no longer be - in your mind, the difficult

Hun..your happiness, health, & sanity should come first! You deserve better, and you should not feel like a failure, because it is not you that is failing. He has failed you has a husband. I know it is a scary feeling, but in the long run, it is better to start over. You should not be burdened with any guilt. as my momma says "Baby, you just have to let it roll off like water off a duck's back" !

If you want to stay, if you are not ready to throw the towel in yet.... then who are we to tell you to leave? It's just that you had written that you no longer have any feelings at all for the man. Could you be happy living there with those feelings?

If you want to stay, then maybe you should get some marriage counseling for your husband and yourself. You say he's not abusive, just doesn't get a clue. So, maybe some counseling to help you two get better communication going on between yourselves is in order. Maybe with better communication, you can grow to feel love toward him again, and to feel respect.

If you were just venting... and saying those things about him, but perhaps don't really mean it or aren't ready for it to end, then maybe you should take a look inward and see what it is you truly want. By figuring out what you really want, you can try to see if it is even possible to move forward with him to get it.

Don't be discouraged. I know that I, for one, never tell people to leave a marriage lightly. It's just something I have pretty strong feelings about. So maybe we need more background. You sound disappointed... Hang in there!

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"If you could only see.... what love has made of me.... then I'd no longer be - in your mind, the difficult

This is a very sad story. Don't give any more money away. You may need it if you decide to leave. Take your money and put it in safe place. I would not give him anything until your marriage problems are resolved--for about 5 years. Don't let him be nice for a few months and then invest in his business. Protect yourself girl.

I think you need to decide if the marriage can be saved. If not, I don't know what the divorce laws are where you are but you may be able to get the money back that you put in the house. Do you have receipts? Can you prove what you paid for? I would try to get everything back. I don't know if you can but in our state, what you brought in the marriage, is yours when you leave. Obviosly, you cannot take the pool and carpets but he you could make him pay you back for it.

If you want to try and stay and work on it, what exactly is the problem? Is it just the skid? Do you like him otherwise? Is he willing to go to counseling to fix skid problem. If not, I think you need to decide if you can live in your current situation as it is--it sounds pretty bad.

I am sorry you are going through this but it's better to have a failed marriage then be miserable and you can't fix the marriage by yourself. I would pay the $300 to see an attorney for an hour and see what your options are. Find a good one through references. A bad attorney will waste your money and not be helpful at all.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

Just seeing an attorney to know what your options are...

Great advice! Michigan Mom this is well worth heeding. If you know what your options are, you may be better able to move forward - toward either saving the marriage, or leaving it.

My cousin found out that her husband was cheating (emotional affair, not physical). He made a great deal of money and she was a stay at home mom to 3 kids. She was completely devastated, but also afraid - how could she support 3 children after not having worked for over 20 years? And then she went to an attorney. The attorney helped her figure out exactly where she stood and what she would get if she left. The attorney alleviated her fears that she would lose her children. And in the end? She and her husband have been going to counseling and working on their marriage. They are still together today and working on it. But she was able to work on it, KNOWING that if it didn't work out she'd be okay.

Please take Abigail's advice, and at least do that for yourself!!

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"If you could only see.... what love has made of me.... then I'd no longer be - in your mind, the difficult kind, Cuz Baby I've changed." *Sheryl Crow*

When I talk to my lawyer, I go in with questions and I make them stick to the subject. If they start chatting, remind them that you have limited time and keep them on track. It really pisses me off when I'm paying someone $350 and hour and they want to talk about their vacation. Get all your questions answered in the hour. My main question woudl be, can you get those improvements back? How? Can you put a lien on his house to get the money? Garnish his wages, etc?

good luck. Let us know how things go.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"