now that I know how to post...here goes
So this is the story....I knew my husband in high school..we had a child together, but didn't stay together. so he had no relationship with our daughter for 23 years. In the mean time, we both remarried, and he had 3 children and I ended up in 2 marriages, both producing children. Well, I was in my second marriage for 16 years but it was abusive. Verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically. Well, he ended up getting a divorce, and called to get into our daughters life. Well.....that conversation lead to more and now we are together. I moved from Wyoming to Michigan with my children, and here I am. I was given a large settlement, and have used so much of it on this new family, my husbands job took a dive, and i used my money to support this family, and make alot of new improvements to our home we purchased. I put in a pool, deck, carpet, countertops, furniture, you name it, i did it. Well, my son has since graduated and moved on his own and my youngest son is with his father in Wyoming all summer. How stupid. I spent all this money on a pool that he cannot even enjoy!!! My unappreciative step children enjoy it. And they treat me like crap. Its like, well, I really made a nice home for my husband and his children. I am so upset. I didn't want to come here and support my husband and his family and his children who don't appreciate anything I do!! I don't know what to do. I am not happy...and being w/o my children isn't helping. I can honestly say that I don't like my step children at all. They dont respect me or even attempt to show any respect. And my husband doesn't support me. I don't know if I should just take a stand....and then I am unemployed right now, and hate it. Its like I am allowing my step children to run all over me because I have no job, and have invested so much into this reltaionship.....that I can't leave!! I don't know....any help would be apreciated...
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wow.....
well have you told your new husband how you feel?
wow...
ok...deep breath! I know I have said it to a ton of other women here but have you tried counseling? It sounds like the basic expectations of how you need to be treated weren't set up before the marriage and presented to the Skids and your husband obviously has no clue what you need and if he does have a clue he's either too lazy or too stubborn to comply and work with you.
Having no job also adds to your high emotions so keep that in mind. More stress=more negative emotions aimed at all.
Don't wait for your Skids to appreciate you honey, they won't and may never so get that expectation out of your head. Their only job at this point is to respect you and respect the rules of the house which should be established PROMPTLY...your DH should back you up with these rules and respect issues. The sooner you stop stressing and being unhappy about getting no appreciation from them the better you'll feel. My suggestion is to stop going above and beyond the call of duty for the Skids. As for your DH, sounds like some serious communication is in order which is why I recommended marriage counseling.
The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957
I am so sorry for you
And I know how you feel. BBB is right, skids will likely never appreciate you. I am dealing with the same issue. I just don't knock myself out for them anymore so now I am not so resentful. I know how it hurts though to invest yourself so much into something and get kicked in the teeth. Really I do. But at this point, all you can do is move on.
I started by not doing things for them or treating them like my own children. Then I started disengaging and putting my focus on my own family and friends as it was before. You cannot make these skids appreciate you but you can require that they respect you.
Get yourself a job doing anything if it makes you feel better. You'll be out of the house and less at the mercy of skids and Dh. I would then tell DH needs to stand up for you. I would tell him that he needs to do this or you are leaving. My DH did nothing until I decided to leave. You can force him to buy you out or put the house up for sale. Let him know you are serious. Things will only get worse the longer you let this go on. Either Dh forces skids to be respectful or you walk. If he says know, then get the plans going to sell the house. I would get a job first. Dh will take you more seriously then. Cut your losses and move on if DH is not willing to stand up for you. You can't do this on your own. Counseling is great if you can get him to go. Mine wouldn't go until I threatend to leave. But it was no threat. I had my bags packed and was ready to walk. He knew it and got jumping when this happend.
good luck.
"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"