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We don't need bigger appartment ...

meneran's picture

Yesterday we (my bf and i) discussed our appartment a bit. He said we should consider moving to a bigger place (we have 2 bdrooms), and he said 'what are we gonna do when we get a baby, where is my son gonna sleep then' well i said hes gonna sleep where he sleeps now. He was concerned what if we get a girl, then they cant really share a room. Whatever really.

Then we had coffee with inlaws, there was some talk about appartments and I said well, my bf thinks he needs more space. Upon which his mother said 'well you have alot of space as it is, why would you want more?'. We didnt comment.

Seriously?

I think noone expects us to have kids together. He already has a son so why bother for more.

I am beyond furious at the moment.

Oh another thing his mom keeps repeating 'having kids is nice and all but its a big responsibility, i wouldnt advise anyone on having them' bla bla bla ......

Why does this shit bother me? Why does it bother me that he didnt comment on her comments? He probably stayed quiet because its none of her business but what the fuck.

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meneran's picture

Oh gawd StepAside, the last part you wrote about even considering having a kid.. that enfuriated me even more :jawdrop:

His kid already has his own bedroom at his mothers place, he visits only every other week.

Even if we only had studio appartment i wouldnt care less. If i want a kid, i want a kid.

Its not my problem that he already had one. Im certainly not gonna pay the price of not having my own because he screwed up. He knew my point of view from the start.

As for his mother, i have no idea what her problem is. She is not against kids because her daughter cant have any and she always says how sorry she is because she cant have kids.

Anyway, i really dont care what they all think, im just too pissed off when i hear such shit. Im not even 30 yet and i do want my own kids. Not one! I want more then one!

I think im hormonal.

meneran's picture

I think i am more upset by him not saying anything to her. This is not the first time she made such comment. I really dont know what her problem is. At the moment, the only grandchild she has is my bf son, whom she has no relationship whatsoever. She sees him for an hour every other week and thats about it. He doesnt care about her one single bit.

Why wouldnt she want a grandchild who would care about her? Who would enjoy having her in life? I mean wtf...

On the other hand shes ok woman, she never did anything wrong to me other then that stupid comment which got under my skin. I think part of my rage is misdirected anyway but i cant help it.

You are right, his previous screwups are my problem as well, but as long as my needs are met, i am ok with his. When we got together he agreed, no, not agreed, he really wanted to have a family. Now its all up in the air like -we gonna have- but when? God knows. And im not getting any younger. This makes me resent them all even more.

My biggest problem at the moment is this resentment feeling that is creeping in. I am so afraid that I will end up actually hating him because of this postponing life thing. Even bigger issue is that i cant talk to him about it right now, i know he would get upset and shit would hit the fan and that is not what i need at the moment. But i am not sure if i can handle any longer..

We do have jobs, we have money, and big new appartment (rooms are huge). Whats the wait?! Whats the problem?! We have been living together now almost a year. We know eachother almost 10.

DaizyDuke's picture

I'm with you.... I get so tired of every decision about MY life having to revolve around skids and baggage.

1. DH and I would like to move to a different state, but HE has two kids here (that feel like a ball and chain to me) so DH is reluctant until they get out of high school. (which I'm sure will turn into, college, which will turn into wait til they get settled, which will turn into basically... NEVER.

2. When DH and I discussed having a baby, it was all "Wonder how BM will act?" "Hope skids will be ok with it" blah blah blah.

3. When we were talking about who would move in with who, it was all about well, BM would be a bitch about having to drive to your house... skids like this house.... and more blah blah blah

Maybe it's selfishness on my part, but I think it's alot more of why should I have to give up my hopes and dreams and things that I have worked for and deserve for YOUR baggage? There needs to be give and take. Our world as Stepmoms, should NOT have 100% revolve around DH's past mistakes.

I don't remember anywhere in the wedding vows that we took that I had to love honor and cherish his skids and BM's wishes??

meneran's picture

Daizy.. there is one line that he will never cross with me. He knows not to take into account BM. She never played part of our lifes. She is not the problem here much as far as I see.

His problem is he is afraid of kids reaction or something, like... its too soon.

All I know is that i have deadline in my head, and in 2 months, we either go our separate ways, or we create something and make a family.

We arent married yet. Another of his excuses is that we cant get pregnant because we arent married yet and he doesnt want a child to be created out of wedlock.... BULLSHIT.