They just don't think the same way women do. Not trying to offend anyone here. I notice the differences every day. Men are single minded; when they're set on one task, they won't notice anything else, whereas women tend to think about everything at once.

Case in point: FH will be set on the task of doing laundry. He'll grab the laundry basket from the floor, ignoring the stray socks that didn't make it into the basket. He'll walk that basket downstairs, bypassing the bathroom with the towels that need to be washed. He'll literally NOT SEE any items on the way to the laundry room. Once there, he'll use a full capful of concentrated laundry detergent (because he won't bother to read the label or check the fill line on the cap). He certainly won't check to make sure the settings are right on the washer (they're always the same so shouldn't need checking, right?). He'll put in the load, completely missing the dish towels in the basket sitting right in front of the washer. A sock will inevitably fall to the floor, overlooked. While in the laundry room, he likely won't glance over to the cat dishes to see if they need food and water. When the wash is done, he'll switch it over to the dryer, not thinking to empty the lint trap. Sometimes he'll remember a fabric softener sheet. When the load is dry (having to be run through again because the lint trap was full), he'll pull all the clothes out and put them in a basket, unfolded. Yes, one load of laundry was done. But that's all that was done.

Women will tend to keep a more diffuse consciousness, noticing all the little things on the way and taking care of all the small details. We are just more aware of what's around us and less intensely focussed on the single task at hand.

It drives me nuts.

It could be laziness too. And why not? Chances are his mother didn't teach him how to be a mother - isn't it the woman's job to remember things for the kids? I'm so sick of this gender double standard shit. It's the cause of so many stepmother woes.

When FH's kids visited us, their mother didn't help them pack their things. And it just didn't occur to FH to remind them of what they'd need. So we had the kids showing up with no snow boots (or even coats sometimes!) in winter or no bathing suits in summer. No toothbrushes (we end up buying a new one for SD14 every time she's here). Sheesh, the week we met we were all camping and his kids weren't allowed to swim in the lake because they forgot their suits! How can you go camping without a bathing suit??

I made it clear from the beginning that I would not be responsible for reminders. If FH and his children want to be irresposible and forget stuff, tough luck, oh well, not my problem.

If you fill the responsible reminder role, how will they learn to remember for themselves?

In FH's defense, men are not as responsible as us wonderful women. I notice my DH misses a lot as far as behavior with the kids too...even if he's standing right next to them when they do it!!!

I've heard of selective hearing, but sometimes it gets down right ridiculous!! I agree with Cruella, you need to learn to say "NO" more. Otherwise you'll just end up with pent up resentments and maybe start fights that you don't want with FH.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost