I feel like there is no winning
Hey everyone. I'm new here. I'm newly married and a mom to my infant son and step mom to SD 7. We have been in each other's lives for about 2 years now. My DH has custody due to BMs history of drug use and instability. BM currently has most weekends and has more time in the summer. BM has always wanted full custody and SD wants that too. BM says she has been clean for probably a year and a half now. She still doesn't have any stable employment, still is very confrontational in how she deals with DH, and still tends to use SD as her personal therapist and fills her head with negativity about DH.
The thing is I am feeling so stuck and defeated ever since COVID. I'm having to homeschool SD and care fo my baby and I still work parttime. DH was going to try and talk to BM about caring for her more during the week while this homeschooling continues. Well she says she won't do that unless she gets custody.
So now I'm stuck with either homeschooling and getting stuck with all motherly duties and probably ending up unhappy again OR pressuring DH into doing something he doesn't want to do and pawning SD off. I love SD I really do. I'm just very overwhelmed with being her full time mom when that's not what BM wants, not what SD wants, and not what I want
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Welcome to the site!
It is not your responsibility to care for SD7 nor to homeschool her. If your DH can't take care of her himself, he needs to put her in daycare or get a nanny. I would say, tell your DH that from a week's time you won't be doing it any more. See how that focuses his and BM's minds.
Yes, I agree. Let DH know
Yes, I agree. Let DH know that you can no longer be the primary parent for SD and a new arrangement needs to be made.
If BM wants custody so bad, why hasn't she gone to court over it?
They did mediation
They did mediation about a year ago now and that's when she got weekends. It's probably only a matter of time until she takes him again
I just feel so guilty
It feels like such an unnecessary cost having him pay for a nanny or daycare when most of the time I'm here. Also right now I don't know what our options are with COVID. Thank you for your response
If you
Dont want to then don't. Go to a park or do something else for you. Be busy
Does child support enter into
Does child support enter into this at all? Would your household be financially strapped if custody switched and your DH had to pay CS to BM? Why does it have to be all or nothing? Could they agree to 50/50 custody so that BM can handle things part of the time and DH can find someone to care for SD on his days while he's at work?
I think we would be okay
I think we would be okay if custody changed and he had to pay child support. Right now he doesn't get anything from her. 50/50 wouldn't work because unfortunately BM lives about 50 miles away so it wouldn't work for school.
Can you make your husband
Can you make your husband responsible for the schoolwork she gets done during the day? Make her accountable to him, if she doesn't behave? He should, at minimum, help her with the homework she doesn't want to do. You should take a role as a sitter, but not a parental enforcer role. If he chooses not to hold her accountable for what she does or does not do, then the burden shouldn't be on you, and you just be her babysitter and let her play and watch tv all day and let it go. I imagine there are going to be tons of kids that get nothing done at home during this time (there are tons of kids that get nothing done even at school), I wouldn't stress, it won't be the end of the world.
If you
Homeschooled they will criticize how you do it possibly