He actually said it. Ha. It's been a week and I feel like I can finally blog about it. I will be blunt. My husband is a jerk. I know this, everyone knows this. It is who he is. I love him anyway.

That being said my husband is barely a parent. Sure he loves his girls but he cant be bothered with them. He participates in the fun stuff sometimes but otherwise he is there to open the tight lids and reach things on the top shelf...and for occassional (and I mean occassional) babysitting duties.

I am the mom in my house. I am the parent. I do everything, take care of everything, provide everything, and for the most part it works wonderfully. I love being a step mom and I love my step daughters and they love me back. I have an ok to good relationship with BM1 and SD14, and I have a great relationship with BM2 and SD5.

My DH could care less about our families (IL's siblings etc). He doesnt care much about his, mine, or anyones. Ok fine. His all live here in the same city as we do. We see them regularly. Mine all live 500+ miles away. I see them seldom. When I have plans to see my family it is a HUGE deal to me and the girls. We had been planning a trip to my sisters for three weeks. I was to get out of work early, go home, throw bags in the car and get DH, pick up girls and on the road we go. I get home and DH is laying in bed watching tv. Not a thing packed, nothing ready, dog not ready...nada. SD14 who decided to ride the bus to our house after school is in her room. I say "What is going on" my DH informs me he doesnt want to go, he's whining, he's cussing, its going to be boring, he would rather stay home and watch movies all weekend, blah blah blah. Needless to say I was upset. I told him fine, you dont have to go the girls and I will just go. He said no. I said yes. He said no...etc. Finally I said I am not cancelling my trip and I started to pack the car. He proceeds to tell me that I can go if I must but I could not take HIS daughters. I literally saw red. I have never been so angry at him. HIS DAUGHTERS!?! Are you flippin kidding me? When are they his daughters? When I'm picking them up, buying what they need, paying their child support, cooking for them, cleaning for them, providing them with grade and behavior incentives, doing all of the errands for them, going to their conferences, helping them with homework, assisting with bath/bedtime, showing an interest in them and having fun with them, playing with them. These are the things that I do that he does not yet He is there parent? YEAH FRICKIN RIGHT. I told DH14 that I was going to my sisters and that she was welcome to join me but I needed permission from BM in writing first. ( I wasnt going to risk him claiming that I kidnapped her) She was on the phone instantly. My DH then made the FATAL mistake of caling SD5's BM and telling her that he did not want her to let me take them. By now I am seeing stars I am so angry....how dare he go to BM as an advocate!?! I felt so betrayed. I went outside to avoid murdering him. The two shining moments were when SD14's BM said that of course I could take SD14 and then BM of SD5 called and told me that she didnt care what DH said...that I could take SD5 and that she would never keep my daughter from me. She apologized to me for having to deal with my DH and told me not to ever worry about what he says...I am SD 5's other mom and she would NEVER keep SD5 from me. That did actually make me feel wonderful.
Once DH realized that the GIRLS and I were going on our trip with or without him and that he was not going to win he changed his tune and decided he wanted to go...but not without making us hours later then origianlly planned. We sucked it up and played nice for the girls throughout the trip. We actually ended up having a really good time...but the moment the girls left to go back to their BM's once we returned home my wall went up. I have barely spoken to him all week. He keep's apologizing and trying to flirt with me, making me dinner, rubbing my back and I just keep ignoring him. His apologies are generic...I dont know if its just an apology for for the attitude and for trying to derail my trip and for the hard time he gave me, OR if he gets the significance of how angry I am about him having the nerve to say his daughters arent mine. It is something that is just not acceptable in our relationship, never has been the five years we have been together. He has always made it a priority to demand I be treated and considered the other parent. (it got him out of doing it, why wouldnt he right?)....and him calling BM to try to have SD withheld from me was just iceing on the provebial crossing-the-line cake. Luckily I have the best BM's to deal with and they know my value. They are his ex's afterall. They know how he is. They know that I am the one that does and provides everything...and they know that I am the one caring for their children. I'm betting DH wont try to pull that crap again....he must have felt like an ass when he realized neither BM would back him up and would rather send their child with a STEPMOM as opposed to keeping them with their own bio-dad. So it's been a week and I'm still angry. How do I forgive him? What do I say? I know I need to get past it but unless he really GETS it whats to stop him from doing it again? I need to know that he really GETS it but I'm not sure how to go about getting the assurances I need without him just feeding me what he thinks I want to here. (classic DH move). Ugh.