So, (I'm not hip to abbreviations or anything)Little background:
I am a 28 yr old SM to a 5 yr old(Lil'Monster - no meaning intended), whom I have been apart of for 3 years now, and a mother to an 18 month daughter(Monkey), oh an I am 22 weeks pregnant w/my son.

The situation-from the beginning:
Monster's mom was never around when I came around and so I was there to help Daddy, my Husband of 1.5 yrs now, and be there for Monster when he was only 2, Oct 2008. So of course he eventually ended up calling me Mommy. I personally do not think that it is right to scold such a young child from what he feels. By his 3rd birthday in June 2009, BM & Daddy wound up going to "family counseling" so that they could get somethings out on the table and fix their communication problems. I was almost 3 months pregnant by then and she didn't find out until maybe 3.5 or 4 months of pregnancy. Even though she knew I was pregnant and that Daddy and I were serious, she still felt the need to announce that she thought that the counseling would help them "get back together or work things out" and a week later she changed her statement.

Since Daddy and BM work at the same place (compliments of Daddy when they were together and right before they split) Daddy hears that she is seeing a man 15 yrs her senior, married(Buff Daddy) and has an 11 yr old daughter. Of course by August 2009 BM starts to act like someone different, playing the part. Super fake. They get caught seeing each other and Buff Daddy moves in w/BM. Now she really starts playing it up and trying to act like super mom all of a sudden when she hasn't been there for so long. By then he is now calling me Mommy full time and after a while we don't know who he is talking about because we never told him to stop calling his Mommy, mommy. So Daddy tells Monster to call me, Mamma STar so we knew which one he was talking about. She finally figures this out cuz Monster starts calling her Mama BM. She of course gets furious about this, which is understandable cuz I wouldn't want my daughter to call me Mama STar either, so we explained the difference and that Monster needed to call her Mommy, not Mama BM. No problem, for now.

BM manages to get her self pregnant 3 months into seeing newly separated Buff Daddy, "coincidentally" right after she finds out we are pregnant. We don't find out until she is 3 months pregnant in December because she ends up taking lots of time off work for complications - this woman doesn't take care of herself and while pregnant did no better, I am surprised that baby came out as "healthy" as she did. Anyways, BM has PTSD and emotional issues, so pregnancy didn't help her any just like when she was pregnant w/Monster, in which she didn't even want I might add. Things are OK because of Buff Daddy, but not much. BM still has her emotional cycles and Daddy just...goes w/it, which pisses me off because at no point does he really ever stand up to her. She is spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, and destructive.

March 2010
Daddy has to go to BCT for Army for 4.5 months at the end of March and she sneaks in Court Hearing right before he goes for child support and physical custody & child support while he is gone because they share custody 50/50 - Judge looks at her like she's dumb cuz of course she would get physical custody while he is gone, he's gone. There was no child support judgment because they paid 50/50 of everything for Monster. Daddy help insurance & paid half of child care, most of medical bills & supplied clothes & food for when he was here w/us. SHE OPENED A SEPERATE CHILD SUPPORT CASE THROUGH THAT DEPARTMENT AND NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO EITHER OF US!!!

April - August 2010
Note: every time she has an problem she attacks me and the relationship I have w/Monster, especially that he calls me Mama STar. So, I knew I would prolly get some flack for wanting to spend some time w/him while Daddy was gone and my daughter was born Jan 2010, so they needed to visit. I would be paying Daddy's half of everything while he was gone, I would be the one to have most contact w/him and info while he was gone, so it would make sense that she would have to communicate w/me even though she didn't want to. I didn't want to push is really, so I asked for a day or a couple hours a week to visit, she suggests more than that. After a little debate on 2-3 days I had to settle for 2 days a week and whatever weekends would work each month. So I had Monster every week the whole 4.5 months that Daddy was gone, plus whatever weekends I requested and worked AND whenever she asked for help. The four months went pretty smooth even though she was a pain in my ass & she was un-appreciative of what I did. She had tiffs of the smallest things, like a hair cut for Monster when she never told me what she was thinkin of doing...ex: growing out his hair IN THE SUMMER! Really??! I bought him clothes, food, threw him a bday party, took him out...spent time w/him and still no respect. OH and her daughter, Lil Bean, was born July 2010.

August 2010
Daddy gets back and he checks his credit report or calls on something and finds out that he owes $4000.00 in child support! WTHECK! She then held onto his mail from DCSS for two weeks after he got back! Who gave us the mail and told us about it?? HER NEW BD, BUFF DADDY! So now we owe child support, lets not forget...because she refused to eat while pregnant and never took care of herself anyways and was always sick (just like Monster cuz she didn't take preventative care of him either while he was w/her), she couldn't work so she had no income. IS THAT OUR FAULT?! I paid our part of daycare, Monster's activities, and whatever else, but she of course didn't tell DCSS that did she. Anyways, we have court at the end of the month to finish the court we started in March. Daddy suggests new schedule and BM has issues w/it, too bad in court its the one they agreed on! SO difficult.

Oct 2010-April 2011
New schedule is in force and things are decent w/the help of Buff Daddy. BM changes Visitation Scheduled (VSC) a zillion times in the next 3 months and has the nerve to tell Daddy that he is unstable. Daddy leaves for Annual Training (AT) in Dec so he got her to agree to let me keep Monster on his normal days while he is gone. Reason for this: she spoils the crap out of Monster and isn't consistent AT ALL, gives in all the time cuz she cannot handle him and after being pregnant, the hormones w/her PTSD mess w/her pretty bad. So Daddy wants Monster to be in a stable home at least during his time to some what help Monster's growth and development & spend time w/her other younger sister who loves him so much! It works out. These next few months go pretty ok, although BM & Buff Daddy arent doing so well because BM & BD Daughter don't get along cuz BM doesn't know how to be a parent to an 11-12 yr old girl.

March 2011
My Confirmation Pregnancy Test!

April-May 2011
Buff Daddy & BM split. BM has no one to go to cuz she burnt all her bridges and destroys all of her relationships...her family is the same. So who does she turn to? ME! That's right, and the good personal I am, allow it and really do try to help her, while looking out for Monster of course and my family. I have to. Now, I have BM & Buff Daddy calling me to talk...separately of course...I objectively try to help both of them as I would any two friends. BM is never fully honest about the whole thing, of course...and I doubt Buff Daddy is either, but he's more honest than she...he is just a sucker in the end. Anyways, she has no where to live and even her own mother would not take her & the kids in. That works for us cuz then Monster would stay w/us while she figured it out. Too bad she asked Daddy if she could call Monster's Grandpa (Papa) for help. WHY DADDY DOES NOT SAY NO, I'M NOT COMFORTABLE W/THAT IS BEYONG ME...because he is a good man and does the right things, no matter what kind of position that may put us in...can be a fault at times. But he says, don't ask me...Papa is going to make his own decisions. SO SHE CALLS HIM. And Papa says she can stay w/him...for 3 months! UGH! This of course changes the VC a little bit, but it's not too bad.

May 2011
Buff Daddy & BM get back together, I told you, he is a sucker. Especially when he kept saying that he would never go back and yada yada yada...ALL FOR THE NEW BABY RIGHT?! HAHAH, yah right. She now lives w/him under a code of conduct she must follow strictly or she's booted! Oh well, works for them. In the mean time...she things that because the situation was a little different and we allowed her to leave Monster w/Papa on the Saturday's he should've been w/us (and only because it was Papa) that somehow it was an agreement that she could do whatever she wanted w/her Weekends now...NOT THE CASE. THERE WAS NEVER AN AGREEMENT. So of course when we called, when Daddy called her on it, she had a fit and said if she couldn't do what she wanted then Monster could not come stay w/me while Daddy had to leave for Army Mission for two weeks at end of June/early July. Daddy put his foot down and said what the schedule would because it works for everyone.

June 2011
Monster Graduates Pre-School. BM messes up the pictures...we didn't get to take a family picture w/Monster because Daddy didn't say it right, so we end up taking a picture w/BM & her family & MOnster in the middle...UGH. Anyways, she ends up taking the year book & the tassel off of the grad hat we took home! Instead of picking up her tassel the following week...she took it all. Put Daddy on the spot in front of everyone when she asked...I was furious. This of course sparked a huge fight between Daddy & I. I am becoming more and more tired and worn out of the situation and her actions. That same night, Daddy calls her to talk to her about her actions & what it does. She agrees (to him) and says sorry and blah blah blah. That she earned the right as his Mom...no no no, you just are his mom..there is no earning, but you should've acted like a mom from the beginning and respected those who stepped in when you didn't want to...I'm just saying. Anyways, that she things I don't respect her and blah blah blah, when all I do is help and make sure he knows who she is and who I am...but she doesn't see nor want to see these things...she doesn't want to share the moments when he has two families or one huge family in two different homes. Eventually she apologized for him and said that he was right about the VC. Yay...and of course...AGAIN, because I took the opportunity after Daddy telling me of this conversation (cuz I was really fed up and done w/it all) to write her and tell her how I felt about the situation and how she treats me and explain that I'm not trying to take her spot at all or ever..I don't want to be her, I want to be me in his life...sharing the movements together w/her an dour families. She said she would write back, but never did. Since then she hasn't really spoken to me. WHATEVER I'M OVER IT NOW.

June 2011 - present time
Daddy is gone for his 2 week mission...I have CJ during his time. Every day that he spends w/BM he gets worse and worse. It amazes me how bad behavior and bad parenting can effect a child so much and become soooo embedded in them that the good parenting + behavior is almost obsolete. I know he is young, but he is a smart child and he knows right from wrong and he knows the rules and yet...doesn't care. He is becoming like her...selfish, self-absorbed, spoiled. He laughs when he gets Monkey in trouble. He lies all the time about the littlest things. Has no manners even though knows what they are. She allows all these things...I think maybe he is just this way...maybe she is on him...but that wouldn't make sense. If parents were consistent in parenting, in both homes...he would not be that way. Oh and then there's the: "but my mommy lets me"...hahaha, well, I'm sorry kids. We aren't at your Mommy's. Monkey doesn't act like him until he gets here, so I know it's not my parenting. My children will not and do not act like that...and I'm sorry but I am seeing and feeling the difference every day...AND I'M PREGNANT...doesn't help. But I'm so tired of dealing w/it. So much to the point that I'm beginning to not be happy here at all. And that makes me sad because I love Daddy. He is good to me and the kids...but this situation is just too much. How can people be like this?! I've never been the kind of woman to allow any one to treat me less than I deserve, w/no respect. If it does not add to my life then it doesn't need to be there. That's how I feel. It's not Monster's fault his parents are who they are...but in the end...he is not my child and I am not responsible for him...but being the mother and the partner and person I am...I feel obligated (and because I love him) to be here for him. But how long can I hold out before I no longer have any feelings about it one way or the other? Daddy makes me feel bad for saying things like that becuase he has come to rely on my help w/both BM & Monster...but geez. It's not fair. I'm also afraid that if I back off...she will take whatever she wants from my family and my children w/out even thinking twice about it, I don't work...so this really really scares me, and not much does, that I have no control over this..and in the end my family will suffer. Everyday I feel lost...every day I feel helpless...more and more I want to give up. I try to do fun things and give him rewards and all that...and nothing changes. I back off...I step up...and nothing changes w/her.

So that's where I'm at to-date.

-Mama Star :jawdrop: