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Why is he so blind when it comes to his children?

majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 9:33am

I don't understand and don't know what to do about this situation. We have been married for 4 years. I have a 16yr old daughter and he has a 16 yr old daughter and an 13yr old son. They moved in with us a year ago. Before they moved in he always said to me that his children never did what mine did. Well,Well,Well, was he wrong. They are all normal teenagers and are capable and do the same crap. He doesn't see it. When I say somthing he ALWAYS says what about your daughter. First of all my daughter was raised my way and knows what is acceptable and what is not. I'm not saying she doesn't still do stuff but she knows. I try to enforce the rules with his children, they act like the hear me but turn around and do the same crap over and over again. So I bitch ALOT. When I bring it to his attention, again he says what aboout yours? Or no they didn't do that. OMG Why is he so blind when it comes to his children. His daughter is somewhat overweight and insists on wearing a bikini top that is too small for her. She is out front of the house where the cars and neighbors are. My husband sits there like there is nothing wrong with this. He doesn't see it. I point this stuff out because he is always blaming my child and it is his children doing it. Are all men this blind when it comes to thier children?????

Comments

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 9:41am

YES!!!! My DH doesn't see anything wrong with his boys or their behavior. They do nothing and that's fine by him. When they do something wrong the response....they're just boys

majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 9:54am

I have made the rules the same but I have learned that different curcumstances deserve alternate adjustments to the rules. Then he doesn't think the rules are fair and doesn't enforce them to his kids. Good luck with your new situation and congratulations on the new baby.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 9:57am

i have no kids of my own and if i point out shit wrong with skids, dh's response is "i guess your kids would be perfect"...... and respond with "maybe not perfect, but a hell of alot closer to it than what you ended up with"... then he pouts, i resent skids more and we move on.... }:)

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 10:01am

i'm sure there will be another time and i will definitely say that instead!!! thanks maux!! Smile

majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 10:17am

so I have to wait for them to be adults before he may or may not see their normal and not perfect? Great! In the mean time we argue about it all the time, his are great and do no wrong and mine is the badkid. NOT!!!!! I will take my bad kid anyday! This could be the end of us

beenthere2's picture

Submitted by beenthere2 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 10:19am

I've been ranting for days about this very thing. It must be all too common. I can also say, after 13 years... it never stops or gets better.

majones1716's picture

Submitted by majones1716 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 11:03am

Well its not about her looking awful, actually she is flaunting herself to everyone,she does it all the time even to her own 13 yr old brother. She is 16 and does not need to put herself out there like that. You would think Dad would say something but its eaiser for him to let it go then to have any kind of confrontation. And as far as bitching ALOT, it is my house and my rules and if they dont follow MY rules I will be bitching alot. I cannot sit by and watch ungrateful, disrepectful children do what they want in my house!

confused101's picture

Submitted by confused101 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 12:03pm

If the dad dont care why should you?They only way to solve it is with cooperation or leaving.& maybe then he'll realize what you have been talking about because he'll be the only one there to deal with it.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 12:15pm

My husband is not only blind, but deaf and has a bad, bad, memory where SS is concerned. lol

I think you need to step away from trying to parent his kids unless it messes up your house let him paretn or not parent his own kid. This works wonders at our house. We have house rules and then we each have our own rules for our own kids.

Example...SS has a cerfew of 1:00AM. My son is the same age and his is 11:00. My son does not resent it at all. He knows that he and SS are raised WAY different.

mom2five's picture

Submitted by mom2five on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 12:19pm

The bikini thing would be easy for me. "SD...you are not going to hang out in front of our house in a bikini top. Swimwear is for the pool or the beach."

My stepson went outside to check the mail in his boxers that "looked like shorts" last week. I had a fit! My husband didn't see it as a big deal. But we support each other in disciplining the kids. If I think it's a big deal, it is. When my stepson starting explaining to me that the boxers looked like shorts and no one could tell the difference, my husband immediately backed me up. He told my stepson that he didn't care if they WERE shorts. "If your stepmom says jump, you ask how high?"

And that's the difference. My husband backs me up. If yours doesn't, you're going to have to let it go.

warrior19's picture

Submitted by warrior19 on Thu, 07/15/2010 - 4:58pm

I hear you...my live in boyfriend has two kids almost 18 and almost 20. When I point out things they don't remember to do or whatever, he says "they are just kids". My son is almost 12...I don't consider him "just a kid". He is a preteen who is old enough to have some responsibilities. His kids "forget" to do chores and he says "I'll talk to them". Whatever. I did not meet these children until three years ago so I just try to remember that their lack of common sense is not my fault. Thank God they are grown. I just hope they can make it out in the world!