BD16 is missing out
I have a daughter who is 16, we are very close. Her dad died when she was 9 month old and I raised her for 10 years by myself. When I got married things changed of course, she addapted. Now my skids moved in with us, they are SD16 and SS13. I work full time and have my whole adult life. Finally making enough money to do things and buy things for my daughter. But now with the other two in the house I feel guilty and am made to feel guilty if I want to buy her something or do something with her, if I dont do it or buy his kids something too. He is unemployed at the moment and we get no child support. Their mom is a deadbeat and hasn't paid us in over month. But her 36.00 per week didnt help anyway. Back to the point. I hate that now that I can afford to do things for her I can't and I feel she is missing out. For instance, she has been able to get her license since December and because we can't afford the insurance she can't get it. I would like to help her with a car too,I could afford it for her but if I do it for her I have to do it for his and I can't aford all that. Am I being selfish in thinking that I need to do more for my daughter especially since I can now afford it? My daughter get SS that has pulled us thru all the years and now I'm using it to raise his children too. Am I being selfish? Is there a way to make this right?
- majones1716's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I can see your H feeling
I can see your H feeling upset if your daughter get things that his kids don't. Its a rough economy, and its hard being unemployed, even without having to watch you kids go without. It probably makes it worse that he has to watch you give your daughter things that he can't provide for his own children.
That said, I think I would get the insurance for your daughter if I were you. That doesn't mean you should do it, because it depends on the dynamics and nuances of your relationship-some people follow the 'You take care of your kids and I take care of mine' rule, which I think would be the establishment I would have made with a partner if we both had children. If, however, you can put yourself in his shoes and agree that if his daughter got to drive and yours didn't, and you don't feel thats fair, then maybe you shouldn't do it.
I'm also of the mind that a car is a luxury, though-I didn't 'have' one in high school, and I don't think it hurts a teenager not to have one. Maybe you feel different.
i would do it for my daughter
i would do it for my daughter in a heart beat.
OMG, the FAIR thing, I get
OMG, the FAIR thing, I get that all the time too. At Easter he opens all the candy and make sure everyone gets the same amount. Are you kidding me, open the damn bag a dump the appropriate amount they won't count I promise. He is always pulling that with me too I HATE IT!!!! Is it fair that I use my daughters child support to raise his kids? No, I think not. Is it fair that mine gets to do nothing because he makes me feel guilty that I can't do it for his. Life isnt fair get used to it, the need to learn that sometime.
Amen Sista, I agree
Amen Sista, I agree completely!
It should always go by the
It should always go by the individual kid. I don't care if they are a step or not. Just like my dd, I have spent way more on her then my son. Why? She has chosen to be in sports and all kinds of academic clubs that my son doesn't want any part of. My son on the other hand loves to volunteer and be a part of the community. Since my dd has been awarded several trips and and has to have the money spent on uniforms and other things that came with cheering. My son still doesn't require as much money spent and he understands, all you have to do is explain it to the kids. I have found that kids understand way more then what people give them credit for.
Explain to such n such kid that you CHOSE to do x,y, and z but such and such chose to do a,b, and c. make since?
I havent done anyhting for
I havent done anyhting for mine yet, they just all go without because I really dont know how to handle the situation. But I feel that I am all my daughter has and why should she go without because his children have bad parents. Why should I have to take up the slack for him and his ex, the chose to have three children, I chose to marry a man that I love. I took his children in because the are his and I love them but are they my responsibility? I don't think so.
That is exactly what he says
That is exactly what he says too but he doesn't work right now and doesn't get child support and doesn't follow up on why or do anything about it. I work and get child support for mine and why is mine going with out? I am a go getter and he is not, sitting around waiting for me to do it all, pay the bills, buy everything, I have to tell him when is kids need disapline, he doesn't see it himself, I am tired of doing it all they are not my kids and I didnt ask for them to live with us, their deadbeat mother gave them to us so she could be free of all the problems and responsibility. Let him go out an support HIS children like I do mine they we can truly be a blended family and share everything.
I do provide all of her
I do provide all of her support between "Child support" SS and my full time job, I do. My husband is unempolyed and we get no child support for his children. So I guess I am supporting EVERYONE huh?
I totally agree with this
I totally agree with this one. Heck If I were you I'd just say that the money is coming form her ss! end of discussion!
Your daughter gets SS
Your daughter gets SS benefits. That is HER money. Why not use that to get her a car and insurance? Then she'd doing it herself.
skids should not be entitled
skids should not be entitled to any of her ss money. and you shouldn't be required or feel obligated to pick up bio parents slack for their kids.
Thank you to everyone for the
Thank you to everyone for the suppor. I have always felt I should use it on her but I feel quilty, no one makes me feel that way, well yes they do my husband doesnt think its FAIR. But thats gonna change. Thank you!