My SS(17) and SD(14) live with us 75% of the time. We live in a different state then their mother.   I've wanted to go off on their mother for her bs she says.  Unfortunately I need to hold  back because it will get me no where.  She is getting on my last nerve.  She portrays our house to be this very unsafe place for the teens.   Telling my SS she fears he will commit suicide because she had a dream about it.  We have structure and discipline at our house. when I say discipline I'm talking about taking privileges away.  Our first choice is taking the phone away.  Their moms pay for the phones so we always make sure they can still contact their mom on them or she contacts them.  She had got the kids new phones and since my SS old phone still works their mother told him to hide it incase he needs to call her if the other phone gets taken away.  She acts as if we don't allow them to contact her.  Heck they can call off Alexa if they wanted to. She's always telling the teens how scared she is because she don't feel they are safe.  Here's what really gets me.  We found out when my SS was 16 she was letting him drive with herself and his sister in the car. He has no experience or privilege to drive.  My SS is on the spectrum mostly a proccessing disorder.  He took drivers ed class in high school and failed it.  So no permit for him.  When they were 11 and 14 their mom worked a grave shift.  They got scare of a noise and grabbed the gun. She left where they can easily grab it.  Then there was a time my sc were telling us how they didn't have food at their moms and had to go to grandpas and eat expired food. Then we found that their mother let my SS try weed gummies.  She then left it out and he took more. It's 100% illegal in the state she's in.  So buys it from neighboring states at dispensaries while the kids wait in the car.  My DH was so livid and without proof we couldn't file contempt of court.  So we tried to get a report going through cps but of course it had been out of his system by then.  So here she is fearing for her childrens lives when they are with us because they have structure. while she's the one that teaching them to break laws.  She ask them to do something they don't so she just end up doing it.  The children believe in everything she says because she manipulates them to the fullest.  She had both children primary with 50/50 in the beginning.  She sent my SS to live with us when he was 7.  6 years later she sent my SD to live with us so the kids could be together.  Yet in her eyes and the children eyes my DH will always be the monster because he will not let them go live with her. We just finished court in 2023 to make it court ordered for my SD to be with us so their mom would stop threatening to take her back.   My SS chewed us out saying we only want them for the money.  In the beginning my DH paid CS but since she sent my SS it equaled itself out so there had been no CS until my SD living with us was finalized.  No matter how much were there and do for the children they don't wanna live with us because they have chores and at their moms they have freedom.  I can't imagine how my DH feels when his kids don't want to be with him all because the mother knows how to manipulate them.  If we raise our voice at them to get their attention it's the end of the world we are horrible monsters.  Yet their mom can come to our state get married here with out including them (all my SD would talk about I'm so excited to be maid of honor.) she constantly lies to them.  All that is okay tho they still look at her as a saint.  In the end my DH has to do what is in their best interest.  Clearly a judge thinks so too.   They may not like it but they will be 18 soon enough then they can do what they would like.