i talked to him
so i talked to my husband about this whole room thing. and he said that he doesn't agree with me, but if i want to take one of the rooms i can figure it out with SDs and he'll respect whatever we come to. i told him that i shouldn't be solving it with them but he says they're not little kids and i can discuss it with them. i asked about SD9 because she IS a little kid and he just told me to talk and see. I said I think he should be the one to figure it out with them,but he says he doesn't agree with me at all in this situation so he can't represent me in this cause with them.
I asked what about if they disagree, if they do something,etc. etc. but he said that i should talk it out with them if i want to get the room. i asked about consequences and he said "consequences for what exactly? i don't think they'll do anything if you solve it with them". so that's how it ended.
basically he told me to "figure it out with them". and that's it. he said he'll help once i do.
i asked him why isn't he the one figuring it out, he said "because it's your wish, not mine".
and that's about it.
he also suggested that it wouldn't be a bad idea if we just took a part of the living room and put baby's stuff in there (?!?!), he told me to think about it.
i also told him i will be buying basic house supplies like food, soap, detergent, etc. from now on and he will be paying house bills and he agreed. because only his name is on the bills.
- lucija's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Maybe it'll go well and they
Maybe it'll go well and they might be accepting of it (yes I know I'm sprinkling fairy dust here) Look I'm proud of you for doing something rather than sitting there feeling stuck. Maybe just maybe if you address this in a calm manner "look girls your sibling needs their own room and I'd like you to help me figure out which room would be best, if not I will choose myself. If you want to be part of it that would be great you can help pick out decorations and paint, or just stay out of my way while I do it. Your choice." give them a chance to participate and the option to stay out of your way, but do not offer the option of it not happening. Their choice should only be to #1 help, or #2 stay out of the way while you do what needs done. I'd like to hope they'll help, I'm not holding my breath. Good luck and good for you for at least discussing it and taking step forward.
He does buy his children's
He does buy his children's food and soap.
They don't use the same bathroom as us or the same products, so they just ask for money and go buy their own soap, shampoo,conditioner,makeup,etc.
As for food,they don't like the food I eat so they also buy their own and then DH cooks for them or they do it on their own since they prefer not having anyone in their floor and food being exactly as they wish it.
I am proud of you for
I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and your baby. I think your husband is ridiculous. He really should be having the conversation with SD. But since he won't, you have to do what you have to do. Stay strong. You can do this. And maybe those girls will see that you are not one to be messed with.
When you got pregnant...did
When you got pregnant...did you know your DH was this way and that his kids are like they are?
No. he talks about them as if
No.
he talks about them as if they're angels.
the time i spent with them before moving in for real was alright. they were polite , civil, respectful, even a bit obedient. but then i learned that they're nice only if things go exactly the way they want them to,and if they dont, they raise hell.
I would try and phrase the
I would try and phrase the discussion like dh is 100% behind you without actually saying it.
Girls, your dad and I had a discussion this morning about how the baby needs her own room now. He asked me to discuss it with you so that we can come up with a solution.
All true......but I makes it sound like daddy is completely behind the plan rather than just allowing you to try
This is very good advice.
This is very good advice.
What if they go to him after
What if they go to him after that and then find out what really happened?
try to negotiate keeping the rooms and then find out he doesn't even want to take any?
So what if they do? All of
So what if they do? All of that is true. You did have a discussion with him about the baby's room. And he did tell you to talk to them and try and work out a solution.
You aren't lying to them.
"All true......but I makes it
"All true......but I makes it sound like daddy is completely behind the plan rather than just allowing you to try"
Exactly, you want them to
Exactly, you want them to assume that dad is behind the plan without actually saying it. If they incorrectly assume, then that's their fault.
If you go in there and say " your dad doesn't agree with this but will one of you give up your second room for the baby" then of coarse they will all say no.
But if you phrase it like I wrote before they will think that its what dad wants them to do so they will be more likely to consider giving up a room.
And what if they go to their
And what if they go to their father, ask him if he is behind it, he says no, he says what he told me..
and then, they know and say no anyway.
i dont think they'd let me be the messenger. they'd go to him if they thought it was his idea.
Then you are in the same spot
Then you are in the same spot you are now.
Dad did you tell sm to come see if we would give up a room? Yes I told her she could try to work something out with your girls.
You aren't tell them that they HAVE to....you aren't telling them that dad said so.....you are truthfully saying that you and dh discussed it and he told you to talk to them about working something out.
what i thought they would ask
what i thought they would ask would be something like "do we have to give her a room" or "do you want us to give the room" and stuff..
And they might.... But what
And they might.... But what do you have to lose by trying?
Worst case you are right back to where you are now....best case they willingly vacate a room for the baby.
And they might.... But what
And they might.... But what do you have to lose by trying?
Worst case you are right back to where you are now....best case they willingly vacate a room for the baby.
well you're right. i'll
well you're right. i'll phrase it that way.
I'm minimizing the effect by
I'm minimizing the effect by putting it on the same floor as them, as opposed to keeping it downstairs? :?
Wow, way for the balless boy
Wow, way for the balless boy wonder to make YOU the bad guy.
This is ridiculous. Why is he
This is ridiculous. Why is he treating this baby less than his other babies. You let him do that to your child now and it's setting a precedence for the future. This child is entitled to this house and that floor just ike they are even if you aren't. Go up there and ask "Who wants to help decorate a room for your baby sister?" They might surprise you.
calling the baby their sister
calling the baby their sister would just piss them off
okay that's them but why is
okay that's them but why is this baby not important enough to DH to have a room? You really want your kid to live as less than in her father's eyes. You really have no where to turn?
he thinks the baby doesnt
he thinks the baby doesnt need a room. he says that the older SDs didnt have their own rooms until they were like 7.
i dont. i cant move out on my own, my sister isn't talking to any of our family, my friends cant take me in - one of them has just given birth to twins and they have a 1 room apartment, one lives with her husband and his parents, one of them has a husband that wouldn't really accept it..etc. ..
I had one baby share our room
I had one baby share our room for 20 months and one share our room for only 3 months. So I can see his point there but I do hope he's not playing favorites. Are you a lot younger than him? SD 9 might be your best bet because he would be the easiest to get excited about the new baby try to include her in a lot of things and maybe she will happily want to help out her new sister.
I'm not a lot younger than
I'm not a lot younger than him.
yeah sd9 could be easy to get excited but the problem is whenever she's really nice to me or tries to bond with the baby, like play with her or something, the older SDs reject her. so that's why i think it would be hard.
i'm not"poo poo" on it, i'm just saying what's it like.
but i'm not rejecting idea, i'll try. i'm just not getting my hopes up because I know that every time she tries with me or baby,they just say"go to lucija if you like her so much, leave us alone" and stuff like that. and of course she adores her sisters so she rejects me and baby and clings to them.
DH is being a wuss. The only
DH is being a wuss. The only way this might work is if DH tells his daughters to give up one of the rooms. That's not going to happen.
I think you and the baby should move into the living room. And you should stop having sex with your DH. If you're horny, use a vibrator. If you have access to the internet you can ORDER one online.
i'm simply asking how to do
i'm simply asking how to do something or saying why it can't be done. it's not argumentative, it's just explaining.
nothing to wonder about,i'm simply explaining. it's a situation i'm in and i know what's it like.