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Well it has hit the fan now.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DealinWithTheDevil's picture

Submitted by DealinWithTheDevil on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 9:39am

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Remember 2 days ago i said that my DH was working this VISITATION wkend and he wanted me to watch the 4skids, though he woudln't be here?

Well........I had plans on Sat. So told him i'd watch them Friday night and HIS parents could take them Sat. nite...(he had previously offered them to help me)

Well........he ranted and raved so much that finally yesterday afternoon i said "ya know what, forget it, i'm not going pick up your kids, if your family wants them let them go get them".

Then i called his sister and and dad, and told them that the kids were available if they wanted them to call thier mom.

Boom, Done.
WOO HOO GO ME!

sarahbernheart's picture

Submitted by sarahbernheart on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 9:43am

most excellent.
enjoy your skid free day!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

bellacita's picture

Submitted by bellacita on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 9:44am

how did he react?

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

DealinWithTheDevil's picture

Submitted by DealinWithTheDevil on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 10:20am

He suggested Marriage counseling...........i started to laugh.

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........

Angel's picture

Submitted by Angel on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 10:37am

I think that was great!!!! Just stick to your guns. Be consistent with this because it takes 3 consistent behaviors for the pattern to set in their head------if you back down once, you will have to start the process over again.

It really is better for you emotionally to disengage. You need to be emotionally strong to respect yourself and be respected by others.

ENJOY YOUR SATURDAY.

PS
He wants marriage counseling to "fix you". He thinks you are broken. Sounds like he needs individual counseling, perhaps you should suggest it.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Fri, 08/22/2008 - 3:54pm

When things continued to deteriorate between me and SD and she hit me while husband was out of town for work (she was about 10 at the time), I told him I wouldn't have her over when he wasn't there. He didn't like it, but too bad. I'm not a babysitter with no authority. And I won't put up with SD treating me that way.

DealinWithTheDevil's picture

Submitted by DealinWithTheDevil on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 4:17pm

Really? Great, then i cant wait to go.....ive just been feeling on the fence about this...........i guess because he makes me feel that I am the only step mom in the world that doesnt want to babysit. And i call it just that........dont get me wrong; if i want them, have plans w/ them ..great, but if not ..why should he "make" me take them if he will not even be around?

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 10:41am

Good for you!!!

We went to a marriage counselor.. It was great, the counselor explained how my dh was WRONG, and that I needed to come first... That he needs to do more work.. not just ensure that the ex and the skids are happy.

DealinWithTheDevil's picture

Submitted by DealinWithTheDevil on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 4:18pm

Sorry, i sent your email to the wrong gal! see above ^

What doesn't kill you will make you stronger;..hold please- I'm going cancel my gym membership........

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 4:36pm

yeah.. hopefully you get a normal counselor as well, and that person tells your dh that NOPE, you dont have to want to spend time w/HIS kids. That you are normal and he has unrealistic expectations.. and that YOU dont need anger management class, but rather he needs a class on parenting w/o guilt and that he needs to put you 1st!!!

As for you being the only step mom in the world that doesnt want to spend time w/their skids.. you can tell him that I do not want to spend time w/my skids when DH is not present. Hell, I dont even let him LEAVE anymore unless he takes them w/him. They DONT listen.

When they were younger, it was a different story... now.. FORGET IT.. ask him, whose kids, other than his own, would HE like to spend HIS weekend off of work with?? then MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! My dh once said he "got it" when he spent time w/his niece. He had the nerve to tell me that she was a spoiled brat.. I think I told him that was the kettle calling the pot black. At least SHE listens.. christ.

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Wed, 08/27/2008 - 1:17pm

Crayon, I read your post.. Good lord..

I do feel like I am a babysitter/maid service when they are there. I am good enough to do that crap for the skids but in the bm's words, I dont count, nor do my feelings.. I am nothing.

I have managed to slow down the $$ being spent solely on the skids.. they arent grateful for what we do, then we stop doing. To the point, I was asked about an amusement park, and how come we havent taken them, as we were heading back from an all day outing that cost $150.. I told sd that it wasnt happening this summer.. Good lord.

Crayon, on Thursday night, DH and I had it out (must be the placement of the moon this week or something.. lol) where I pointed out that the skids were spoiled rotten (how he described his niece, who is adopted, and oh yeah.. acts just like the skids, only in my opinion a smidge better).. oh yeah.. he wasnt happy w/that.

The truth tends to hurt.