Ok, so I know they are only baby steps, but hey = they ARE steps! And ones in the right direction to boot, with NO backsliding thus far!

One happy cat.

To explain. OH is the kind who jumps to it when BM, SD13 and even SS10 snaps their fingers. Anything they ask for he's there, with the obligatory "But they're MY KIDS! MY responsibility!" yada yada yada.

No matter what we have planned it's always been dropped in a heartbeat to pander to BM and the step brats. Even after all the crap a month or so ago when it got so bad I was suicidal and hospitalised, the day after I came out of hospital and WE needed a quiet Sunday with no drama, SD calls DAddddyyyy (on BM's weekend) because she was at a sleepover party and wanted to come home early, BM said no, so she calls dadddyyyyyy and daddy jumps to it, and is on his way to pick her up and bring her back to our house until BM can come and get her later in the day. I went ballistic, and he moved out that day (came back the next day and has been "better" to a degree)

Except that he lied to me two weeks ago over a minor issue - told me that BM texted him on the Saturday morning (our skid weekend) to ask him to take SD to a disco that night. Only I knew that he had known about it for days, as dd11 was in the car when he picked them up on the Thursday and SD asked him then if she could go, and he said maybe. (SS10 said "you go to EVERY one, why can't you just miss this one?" Bless him ) Anyways, wasn't pissed about her going - was pissed that he LIED about it. But I didn't argue with him, I just told him that I was extrememly hurt and disappointed that he felt the need to lie to me - no I don't think SD needs to be taken to every little thing her heart desires, I do think sometimes she should just stay home and NOT always get her way, but that also I really had no problem with her going. (better for me TBH to not have her in my space) Anyway, I think from my reaction something clicked, and he almost cried and was so sorry and said he was wrong and that he KNEW he had to change (yeah yeah, heard it all before honey. Talk is cheap)

Following week we had them the Friday night only. BM is supposed to be picking them up (not from our house - bitch is NOT allowed within cooee of my house!) at 10.30am. So I take my kids to dancing and potter about, text OH at 10.20 to see if he wants me to grab the paper for him (I am stalling so I am not home til they leave) He was strangely brief. After a few texts he reveals that the plans had changed and skids were being picked up at 1.30 now.... There goes our ONE day / fortnight alone - but I am more pissed that he didn't TELL me - yet again. So I just sent him a text asking how long he had known of this change of plans and why he felt no need to let me know sooner.

Then I stayed out til 2pm }:)

I got home, did some washing, and was sitting on the sofa with a cup of coffee, pretty much ignored him all day and he knew he was in the shit - and I never even spoke to him about it. The previous day had also been a significant anniversary for us, which he forgot and which I gave up so he could have the skids the extra night....

We had plans on the Saturday night, so we went out, we were civil, and he was making amends all over. Trying and working really hard to make up to me. This continued on the Sunday. At one point on the Sunday I calmly and nicely asked him if he knew what Friday had been. He looked blank, I said think about the date and he realised. And he realised BIG - this was a big one. And that I had given up spending it alone with him so he could have his kids etc. and that he had royally screwed up this weekend.

He was all over trying to fix things - apologizing and trying so hard to make it better (yet again!) And the whole while I am thinking, yes yes, lovely but never when it counts. I think he knew I was going (emotionally) I was just distant, I was nice but not invested in him or spending time with him - we had a spa on the Sunday night with a few drinks, normally this is special couple time relaxing and talking and planning the future and stuff, but I was just NOT there and he could sense it.

This wasn't games or manipulation on my part I had just checked out.

So. Last week - Weds - SD texts him from school - can I bring a friend over after school to "do homework" (LOL - yeah right - we all know BM and OH do her homework) Instead of "yes of course, anything you want Princess" HE ASKED ME FIRST IF IT WAS OK!!!

We already had stuff happening that night so I asked until what time, how was she getting home etc (OH has to cook on SKID nights, and we all had to be out of the house by 6.15 fed and ready to go) He got the answers and came back to me with them, and it all worked so it happened - but YAY - he consulted me and took into consideration my thoughts etc...

So, I was pleased, but as I say - one time does not make up for everything.

Then today So - BM a few weeks ago requested (politely NOT) that we had to swap weekends so that she had mothers day weekend. We agreed - hence us having them the previous Friday. Now she texts today saying we have to change back to the original plan - which means we have to have them the next two weekends in a row.

Now, the change for mothers day was worded that she wanted to swap weekends about so we get them the extra day the weekend before and we just move forward from here - (her this weekend and us next - continuing on like that) This actually worked for me as the weekend after next my sister and her husband are visiting from interstate and it's my sisters birthday on that Saturday, so we are all going out for dinner (about 30 people) money is tight in our house at the moment, but as we don't see my family much the dd's will be coming of course. And for SO many reasons I just don't want the skids there. And the Sunday my kids have comps ALL day - so I just don't want the skids here - means a late Saturday night as Disney Dad won't put them to bed before midnight and we have to be up and out of the house by 7am with full hair and make-up done!

Anyway, I just sent back "no that doesn't work as we have now made plans for that night etc"

No response. I called him after about 20 and I said look I just want to go out with my family and our friends and not have to worry about stuff, we can't AFFORD to take everyone (SD always orders the most expensive item on the menu, SS always drags dadddyyyy off to play intead of us having an adult evening with friends he has to take SS outside and kick the ball etc - it's so stupid) So, I just explained that I don't see my family very often and I want a night out without the fuss. That I am happy to have them the Friday night, and he gives them back Saturday afternoon, and he can have them again all day Sunday if that's what he wants - but that *I* want that night. (yes, my kids will be there, but they order kids meals, they will play quietly with their cousins and are capable of behaving respectfully in a restaurant)

And he agreed and said he will tell BM that we are busy that night and find a work around.

So - we will see.