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did I go too far?

LPowers's picture

Submitted by LPowers on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 10:55pm

So everything kind of came to a head tonight with DH. I have been distancing myself from his kids and DH. I love my husband with all my heart and divorce is the last thing I want. I just cannot continue to do all the work of being mom and reap none of the benefits. I told DH today that I will no longer do SS6 homework with him on BM's week. We have joint physical custody and SS6 spends one week with us and one with BM. When school started BM asked my DH "why don't you do homework with our son?" DH replies "what are u talking about? His homework is done right when he gets home from school?" BM replies "No, why don't YOU do his homework with him, your wife signs his homework?" DH told BM that I take SS6 to and from school EVERYDAY and SS6 homework is finished by the time he gets home. She says "well I actually LIKE doing his homework with him" like it's some sort of contest. Really the kid is in kindergarten it's not like we are multiplying fractions here. So BM starts going to school full time and even on her weeks doesn't come to get SS6 until after 5pm. So I was nice enough to ask her, "I know u said that u like to do his homework with him so on your weeks do u want me to let him do it with u or should I just do it with him right when he gets home?" BM replies "No that's okay, u can do it with him, but thanks for asking." She threw a big fit that "I" was doing his homework with him at first so today I told DH, "NO MORE! I will not do his homework with him so he can go to her house and just play, she needs too step up and be his mother!" DH wants me to be his kids mother so he puts a lot of responsibility on me when he is working, but lately I feel really taken advantage of and I'm tired of it. He asked me what he could do to make me more happy and I told him that I already took care of it. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I had to make the change. It's different now that we have a daugter8mo together. I need to focus on her too and when it's not our week why should I have to do EVERYTHING? Am I being too selfish?

Comments

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 11:16pm

No you did not go too far - you are a new mother and he is lucky you did not snap his head off - your BM needs to parent her child and let her do the homework with him and if she balks tell her that you know she said that she does not like you signing the homework so you will not be doing it and if she still insists tell her that when SS was a newborn there was not some woman bothering her to help their 6 year old with homework no she got to just take care of SS - and tell your hubby that just because you don't work that one day you are going to not do anything around the house and see how he likes it - you have a full time job taking care of your home so you are working and he needs to back off and give you some time with your own child!! Good luck!!

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Tue, 02/15/2011 - 11:32pm

I completely understand. Whenever SS is with DH and I, DH likes to act like we are a little family but the thing is, I am not this child's mother. I feel so fake, like the three of us are playing house. Bottom line, I do everything that I do for SS because he is my husband's son, and not because I think of him as my son. I know that at the end of the day, he isn't going to call me "mom" and no one is going to give me any credit (except for DH) for all the stuff I do for SS. It frustrates me that I sit there struggling to make SS focus on his homework, but I am not the one who goes to the teacher's conference and gets to hear about SS's improvement. I am the one forcing manners onto this kid, but no one thanks me for stopping SS's tantrums. I don't think you overreacted AT ALL! Good for you for standing up for yourself!!!! You have definitely given me some courage Biggrin

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Wed, 02/16/2011 - 12:07pm

I have the homework issues as well. I think I'll blog the details soon, but for now, I'll just tell you that I think you are doing the right thing by allowing this mother to do homework with her child on her week. It's HER week, after all, which should be Stepmom's week off.

My skids go to their mother every other weekend. They have ONE day to do homework in her home every other week. Count that, TWO days per month. Two. I have decided to give myself those two days off. While they are here for an hour before she gets them on those homework days and I could help them with the homework if I wanted to, I don't. As much as it breaks my heart that my ss6#2 cries that 'mom doesn't do it right' (his homework is mostly wrong when I get their work packet the next week), I feel that this mother should take at least SOME responsibility for her kids. She and her husband continuously cause problems at the school (again, for another blog), yet neither of them actually sit with the kids and help them with homework--not even for the TWO days a month the kids bring homework home to them.

You are not wrong for giving the mother this responsibility.