Summer Blues Update
So DH spoke with an attorney who confirmed what we suspected about SS not being able to choose to not come for summer visitation.
DH sent BM an email stating such, among a few other things that haven't been addressed, (like we don't know where he's living, he's not allowed to give DH the address or keep his phone number, and we don't have necessary documentation thats been asked for since May) and said SS can call this evening to discuss options, otherwise he is coming with a police escort to pick him up for dates stated in the CO.
Low and behold half an hour later SS calls. I know it was a short conversation because DH only left the room for a few minutes (our kids were screaming in the background) and when he came back DH said "SS said "It's cool, I'll come." And when DH asked what the reason was and if we need to change some dates around they can work it out to fit whatever it was that SS was afraid of missing. All he said was "I just didn't want to come." DH said okay I'll see you soon. Love you. and SS said "okay, bye."
I'm still pissed. What assholes. I'm not even going to try to hide it, the only reason I want him here is for DHs sake.
Feeling conflicted and PO'd.
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urg - fine now SS is visiting
urg - fine now SS is visiting again, make sure there's no entertainment like water parks etc.
HRNYC, do you have any idea
HRNYC, do you have any idea what , if any, visitation Dad is actually allowed to just drop by? Not only does he have to have BM's permission (if it's not in CO), but it's a heck of a long drive (12hrs) if BM doesn't have kid there. I asked the OP (below) because I don't know if and/or how any in-between visits are. Maybe the man doesn't have the cash nor the time off work to actually use the in-between visits if he is allowed them. If he's paying CS (which I assume he is) another 12hrs of gas, missed pay if he doesn't have time coming, and a weekend holed up in a hotel plus food and entertainment perhaps makes in-between financially impossible. If the man has to foreclose on his house to make trips he wouldn't have a place to have the kid for the summer. I'm not going to pretend to know the 'whys'. considering the man has been looking forward to his son living with him one day I doubt it was merely he just didn't bother.
But who knows what reasons BM may have gave the kid. OP did say Dad tries to call and do facetime .
Dad did ask to have his son in November for Thanksgiving and BM told him no.
I think *we* need a bit more details before you get your stake out and torch the man. The kid came at Christmas and asked to spend the whole break once there (not just the one week allowed). Kid got to stay. BM won't even give an address to Dad. Could Dad of went during those months without banging on doors around town to find kid? OP still has new back to school clothes for the kid because she had no address to send a package.
HR - back to normal I
HR - back to normal I see...
1. SS was ticked off cause they did not spend a fortune and entertained him on the previous visit
2. SS is living 6 hours away, tuff shit.... he only visits certain holidays, this is what happens when parents divorce
3. As a divorced parent you do not have to bankrupt yourself every time a child comes for a visit, what does this say to the other children living with you, no you maintain your normal routine, you do not spoil a visiting child.
This is the biggest problem with today's living, if the parents never divorced the kid never would've been spoiled rotten with extreme holidays and outings, cause there's just not money for that, well guess what, if you divorce there's even less money why pull out all the stops to please a child... you are only teaching this child that the world revolves around him and that he/she will always get what they want, not what they need - you are raising an entitled little brat.
I'm not sure what the
I'm not sure what the visitation schedule is besides 6wks in summer, a week at Christmas/winter break and a week or so at Easter/spring break. I did see one blog where SS started acting out to his dad on the phone about Dad not coming to see SS at all from summer visit to calling about Christmas visit.
I also read where SS and Dad were both pretty much going on and on 'when kid is 12 kid is moving to live with Dad' and both looking forward and excited. And then the little butthead calls between father and son the last seven months or so.
My 2 cents. BM is messing with this kid. Doing some serious PAS'ing. I don't know why. Maybe she's afraid of losing CS or her being the one to pay CS or maybe she doesn't want to lose her son to Dad or a combination of all. But I also wonder if perhaps Dad didn't make the 'Dad doesn't love me/want me' campaign BM is attempting by some actions on his part. Is he suppose to go visit SS sometimes in-between your home visits, or did he perhaps promise kid he would regardless and then didn't?
I am glad DH is going to get SS no matter what crap kid is currently saying. I think once kid is there again and spends time with Dad and the family again, kid will be ok (at least for the actual visit time).
Maybe it's time to modify the visitations? Some summer and some breaks , but also some long 3-4dy weekends when school is off Friday and Monday. It's six hour drive? Maybe BM and Dad meet half-way each way and see SS more often but less time in length. Maybe try a change for a couple years and reexamine again when he hits high school. High school will be the real time that SS will get socially active and involved...he just turned 12, his social calendar can't be all that full.
Also , for now, with a changed visitation, and Dad and son seeing each other more often, maybe the kid living with you idea will settle down for now. The shorter in length but more often in amount might also be easier for you.
It's normal to resent the
It's normal to resent the Skid after they mistreat someone you love. I think that is why I can barely stand my OSS or MSS. They have treated my DH with so little respect over the years it makes me sick. They manipulate him, refuse to speak to him unless they want something, ignore him on his birthday and Fathers Day but can still send a text on those days asking for money. They stopped coming around and when invited to go do things, would agree to go and then just not show up.
So now, whenever they are at our house, I get an internal rage. I don't care how they treat me, mainly because I refuse to let it get to me. But I can't stand to see my DH so broken because his sons are so horrible to him.
AND they NEVER ever ever apologize for anything they have done.
So yep....completely normal to hold a grudge against them.
Thanks all for the support.
Thanks all for the support. It's nice to be validated. Often I feel like an awful person when it comes to SS I'm always conflicted because I get so emotional over all the shenanigans.
For the record, DH has visitation rights twice a month on weekends, but he works two jobs and my hours are so long that I may as well be working two as well. Between time, money, and our kids, It makes driving all that way hard to do. It's time consuming and it gets expensive fast, among other things. I have a whole list as to why he doesn't take visitation as often as he is allowed, but we both really do try our hardest to make it happen. We think that the more time he spends with us the more he will see what DH is REALLY like and not what BM tells him to think.
I've been telling DH for years he needs to try to get the CO amended. We've been saving for it, so hopefully it can happen soon. He will be filing against her once we get SS here for all the other stuff that she's been going against in the CO (some as mentioned in the post). Hopefully something good will come if it.