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BM has a New BF

loveandfitness's picture

SS10 was here for spring break. All in all it actually wasn't too bad this visit. It gets better every time. Although I'm still easily annoyed by him.

So while he was here the very first night he wet the bed. Of course he didn't tell anyone, I walked in and smelled it.
I asked him if he had and he very politely said yes ma'am and braced himself for some sort of reaction. DH was there as asked for a moment alone with him. Turns out that he's afraid to tell us when he wets the bed because his mother "beats him with a belt" when it happens. No wonder the poor kid tries to hide it. Don't know if it's true, given SS history of story telling, but Dh is filing this with CPS.

I also realized something about myself this visit. One of the problems I have is completely gender related.
Explanation: I went into BS4 and SS10 room to say goodnight. Gave BS a kiss and said good night to SS. BS says "wait! you forgot to give SS a nite nite kiss!" Now, I know what you're thinking, he's just a kid, but SS is 10 and almost as tall as me, and weighs more, so saying "I Love you", kisses and hugs are just completely awkward and used to be forced until I just stopped doing it a couple years ago. I'm just not comfortable being any sort of affectionate with him.
But then I started thinking, i need to show him SOME sort of affection, especially since SS4 has started noticing these sorts of things. I do care about him, in his own weird little minion way. Maybe I can implement "fist bumps" and that can be our thing?? What do you think?
DH and I had a conversation. He said I should COMPLETELY ACCEPT and LOVE SS like I do BS (son w/dh) because DH does, I should want what DH wants. To this I said, I am not his mother, I do not plan to replace his mother, i can't treat him as my own because he is NOT my own. I didn't carry him, I didn't raise him, he was already 6 when I met him. I can love him and show it in a different way. Besides, even multiple bios are different, every kid is different. Anyway not to ramble but....

Also, SURPISE SURPRISE, BM was late picking up SS, even though we drive 3/4 of the way. She texted "we're here!" And SS says "Oh, no, I hope "we" doesn't mean she brought her BOYFRIEND. ACK." So naturally DH say "oh, she has a boyfriend now?" And you could tell SS had been holding this information in the entire trip because he just started vomiting information about how he's a "deadbeat douche" (to which I said he shouldn't use that word, but secretly thought it was hilarious) and he bosses him and his sisters around and acts like they're his kids.
To catch you up breifly, She's been divorced twice. Her last husband was attractive and nice as far as I could tell but was supposedly abusive towards SS which we heard nothing about from him until the divorce, and SHES the one who landed in jail for a couple of days for spousal abuse, so who knows weather it was true or not), Anyway, so of course we were super curious. He got out of the passenger seat wearing a dirty t-shirt and holding a half-eaten bag of chips, and just looked....sleezy. I swear I couldn't make this stuff up to be better. He's not attractive in the least. Totally not a great first impression.

Hey, none of my business, right? But so sweetly satisfying.

Comments

bellladonna's picture

You absolutely do not have to love your SS. Fist bumps are fine if you feel comfortable with it. Don't let dh dictate your relationship with your ss. Do what feels right for you.

Maxwell09's picture

Me and DH were pleasantly surprised and relieved when we saw BM's new boyfriend last weekend. It was his first time being around SS4 and even though he never said anything to DH, he dressed in collard shirts and doesn't have a mountain man's beard like Babydaddy2 who was all about the DuckDynasty style.

Monchichi's picture

I get the not wanting to hug and kiss. A fist bump/ head ruffle would be much better and shows you acknowledge the kid.