You are here

Just when I think I know...

losingmymind's picture

Submitted by losingmymind on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 12:08pm

I don't have a clue!
The other day I had all four kids with me at the doctor (well visit) for youngest BS. I was trying to get the kids to calm down and be quiet and so I told them that if they acted up to remember that they would be up for a spanking by DH when he got home from school. SD asked me why DH gave out the spankings and why I didn't. BD then says that I have spanked her and her brother so why not SD. So we stated talking about spankings. SD mentioned that both her BM and step dad give her spankings. I didn't want to be like "omg...he spanks you too?" so I just looked at her and asked her "who spanks the hardest then?" and she said that her step dads hurt more then her moms.
I forgot to tell DH about this...just got busy or whatever and for some reason I remembered it last night and told DH about this and he got really mad. He said that it wasn't right for me to respect that I am a step parent and not to disipline like that but that the step dad could do it. So DH called SD out and asked her if her step dad ever spanked her. You guessed it!! Deer in the headlights look and she said no in the weakest voice in the world. DH tried to say that it wasn't a big deal and that he just wanted to know but really he wasn't doing a great job of covering up his emotions. SD kept up the no thing so DH asked her if she was lying to him right then or did she lie to me. First it was the usual "I don't know" and then when pressed she said she had lied to me. I was floored. It makes me doubt everything that she has ever said.
So is she that great of a lier that she came up with one in mid normal converstaion or she is covering for her moms home to DH. I don't know!! I hate it that she is lying like this! I fear that my 5yr old is going to be doing it next because she tends to mock everything her sister does and I hate that the lies from SD's BM are being now taught in my home too!!! I don't even want to talk to her right now. I have to go to work soon so Yeah!!! I didn't want to go in today but after last night I can't wait. Is that horrible of me? I just feel like so much of my time and energy go into defending this child because she cries and says how she feels but now I am wondering if this is the exact same thing that she does to her mom and why her mom feels like she needs to keep her away from DH! Is she a lier all the time?? How do you ever get the truth or do you?
I have tried and tried to drill in that lying is bad and wrong and makes someone a bad person and that we all need to be good people but obviously that isn't working.
My sister said that we should make her sit down with a pencil and paper and write out why she lied and what she lied about and not to accept the usual "I don't know" from her. Too harsh???

Comments

Dreamer's picture

Submitted by Dreamer on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 1:21pm

I make my Skids do the same thing when they lie. And when they don't show respect they have to write the difinition for respect 3 times (all 24 of them). DH has also made them copy the 10 commandments out of the Bible.

~Don't fear the thorns among the Roses, but be greatful for the Roses among the thorns~

Nymh's picture

Submitted by Nymh on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 1:37pm

I think that she was lying to your husband. I think she could sense how emotional he was about it and she didn't want to get her mother "in trouble". So, to protect her, she lied about it.

I have found that sometimes when SS thinks that his Mom will get "in trouble" for doing/not doing certain things, he will lie about them to us, or pull the "I don't know" crap.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

luvdagirl's picture

Submitted by luvdagirl on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 4:51pm

same as nymh here. If it's betwwen upsetting her dad, getting BM into trouble or trying to make you look silly - well we will always look silly!
We do not allow I don't knows- we have explained to both kids that this is not an answer and unacceptable to us and we don't give them it either.
SD was likely telling you the truth as that was when her defenses weren't up since she truely doesn't think it was a big deal at that point.
personally- I have spanked SD- 11 years and done it twice- thats it - once for being mean to brother when he was 2 SD 7, and once for throwing rocks into the road and lying to me about it(no cars damaged but it still wasn't a good idea to lie to me) when she was 8 or so- oh three times cause she was told to leave a very sentimental plant of mine alone and I was sitting in front of the open window behind the plant and heard her friend remind her that she wasn't supposed to touch plant and SD replied so then pulled flowers off of it- it took me a good 30 minutes before I calmed down enough to even call her into the house then she fibbed about that too- it used to be a big problem- thankfully SD and BS now know fibbing is the worse usually doubles the punishment if not worse.
I feel that since SD wasn't the only child in the house I refused to have BS think there was any difference between them, or feel that there was a favorite so equality worked.

just my view on it.

There is no reason where logic does not exist

Karma_'s picture

Submitted by Karma_ on Sun, 07/13/2008 - 5:46pm

NZ has recently passed an anti-smacking law.

It is now illegal to smack/spank a child in New Zealand.

bellacita's picture

Submitted by bellacita on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 1:26pm

they let any idiot HAVE a kid and then they take away their rites as parents to discipline as they see fit???

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

StepG's picture

Submitted by StepG on Mon, 07/14/2008 - 8:44am

your SD felt on the spot when her dad questioned her and she pulled the I don't know for fear of getting the other parent in trouble. She told you something that she was probably not supposed to you and is now digging out of it. On the other note of the discipline if SS does something while with me that deserves a popping then I give it to him. We pop on the calf of the leg. SS's mom never pops him. She use to tell him that she was going to tell his dad and his dad would pop him and so ss would be afraid to see his dad. Well H took care of that and told her to handle his behavior at her house and not leave it up to him cause he did not act with us the way he does with her. Now SS says that BM's boyfriend does the spanking. He says his mom makes her BF do it. She won't whip me he said. I do not want H to be the end all to be all of discipline. Now SS has the same respect for me and his dad both! He runs all over his mom and her BF. But his behavior like many others with his mom is because she allows it.