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Do you think SM should be excluded from psychologist sessions?

looking4answers's picture

Submitted by looking4answers on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 11:20am

Is it normal for the SM to be excluded from psychologist meetings with SS? I feel I should be there, but it seems I am the only one who does. DH and BM will be at this week's with SS... should I push the issue or let it go?

Comments

Sia's picture

Submitted by Sia on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 11:24am

the psychologist their opinion. i would think that you should be included, and a stepdad if there is one.

looking4answers's picture

Submitted by looking4answers on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 11:35am

I know he isn't attending, but after all I have been through with SS, I think I should be there for all of this. DH thinks it's better to 'fill me in' when he gets back, but I would like to hear it for myself and ask questions I may have. I don't care if BM is there or not, this isn't about her, it's about SS and what we need to do to help him in anyway we can. DH doesn't see it that way, and it's making me wonder why I get to help raise the kid and have no involvement in his therapy... come on. It's gotta be either all or none.

Tara12's picture

Submitted by Tara12 on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:08pm

it never hurts to ask the shrink. I would explain your position as SM and reinforce what you said about this not being about BM but about SS and that you are working on trying to have a "blended" family and you only want whats best for SS. You SHOULD have your own sessions with you DH and SS BTW as well. Good luck

lil_teapot's picture

Submitted by lil_teapot on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 12:08pm

I think after a while of counseling that you might be invited by the therapist (if they're any good) to come.

I'm going through this right now too. I don't have any need to go...it's private between the skid and his parents...each sees the shrink individually about ss12 and ss12 sees the shrink by himself too...then 1 parent and the ss see the shrink. Never are the two parents in there together (cuz they're divorced obviously).

I have no desire to go...I feel it's entirely private between blood relatives...and yes I do love my ss very much. I just feel it is not appropriate for me to be there yet. Maybe down the road if the therapist wants me there I will be happy to go, but I will not ever make a demand to go. Everything I know, I relay to H so he can do with it what he wants...if he doesn't tell shrink about ss starting fires, so be it...he is the bioparent, it's not my place. I do have concerns that not everything is being discussed, but right now I have to trust that H is doing the right thing.

I'm sure you'll get to go when they (the counselor) think's it's appropriate. Until then just continue being a good sm.
Hugs to you.

StepMadre's picture

Submitted by StepMadre on Thu, 11/13/2008 - 3:25pm

I think that you shouldn't have to go to these appointments, but if you would like to, you should be able to choose to go. You are not a babysitter or a nanny to your skid and are in the family and should not be excluded from something that seems to be a family affair. If you are involved in this child's life, then it should be all or nothing. If you are going to be barred from the therapy sessions that the DH and BM go to, then you should remove yourself from the psychological equation. Either be there and be involved, or refuse to have anything to do with it. I bet that you are expected to deal with your SS's issues and it's not fair to expect you to be there, yet also be hanging around in the background. I would discuss this with your husband and the counselor and share your feelings about being left out and wanting to be more involved (a positive thing!). Good luck!