DS17 smart than me...
Our DS17 moved out of the house to my Mom's house last Thursday.
Little back story. SD27 hasn't been doing her chores since last month (Sept). Thursday night DS was supposed to clean the kitchen after dinner. He refused and I suspended his cell phone. He was livid. He packed a few bags and walked to my moms. Its about 1 1/2 miles.
I totally understand why he is mad. I did talk with him and told him it is my job as his parent to make sure he learns to do things and is held accountable. That it is his Dad's job to make sure SD is doing what is required.
He understands but the stress is too much for him. I am hurt but am okay with him being at my Mom's. She is having him help around the house. He is doing everything he is asked to do so on that front progress is being made.
We spoke to the counselor about this and are working out plans to get SD out of the house. Although DH is dragging his feet and pissing me off. I keep reminding him that we suck as parents if our minor child (senior in High school) has to leave out of the house because of the older kids. I have already talked to DD24 and she is working on moving out as well. She has been since she moved back in.
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The consequence for not doing
The consequence for not doing your chores is your cell phone gets suspended. DS is pissed because Daddee's girl SD27 doesn't do her chores for a month and her cell phone doesn't get turned off.
I can't punish SD. I can't teach her or help her in any way. Daddee doesn't back me up when I do.
I can teach my children (DH and mine) DS17 and DD24 and I will dish out punishment as I see fit. I will not have entitled brats.
Because SD doesn't have to do
Because SD doesn't have to do her chores.
Exactly Babybugged that is
Exactly Babybugged that is where I am at.
DD has been with us for 10 months after being away from home 5 or 6 years.
SD has been with us since she finished high school about 8 years.
I am willing to give DD 6 more months maybe a little more due to her having a child but not another year. Also DD does chores without having to be asked. She see something that needs to be done she will just do it.
How can you enforce a rule on
How can you enforce a rule on DS and let SD slide? This is not fair Hon
I have Aergia who's a messy girl and she does nothing, SO does everything for her, I have Deigma who helps me allot in the house and garden and SO gets very upset about my relationship with my son compared to his with his daughter...
If we are on holiday together, Deigma keeps his routine, and Aergia does nothing. if SO does not clean after her, which he does not do cause it's degrading for him being a little maid.... I will never scold Deigma for not doing anything, I never punish him for not doing anything.... You simply can't tell one kid to do things and another kid walks around being a queen... it's not fair...
and that's one of the reasons I moved back to my own house.... so get those adult kids out of your house
Acra how often on here are we
Acra how often on here are we told to parent the 2 sets of children differently? I have been given that advice more times than I can count over the last 1.5 years. The OP did what so many have told her to. Let your husband parent his child(ren) as he sees fit. Parent yours/ ours as you want them to be raises.
OP's situation is a perfect example in fact of why this advice is so flawed.
Mon... there's a difference
Mon... there's a difference between parenting children, and there's a huge difference in punishing children.
I parented Deigma in a certain way, he knows what's expected from him, same as OP's son.... Aergia is totally different, but if we are together and she refuses to do anything and ignores you, why should I punish Deigma if he does the same?...
OP's son is a 17 year old boy, believe me they are lazy ass kids at that age... but to take his phone away because he refuses to do dishes all the time while SD is messing up dishes...that's not fair....
I've never ever punished Deigma if he refuse to do dishes... when Aergia never does dishes... remember this did not happen on the first night, it's been year or so of OP's kid to see, he does dishes all the time, while madame sits and do nothing,..... and his parents does nothing, he's not the effin slave in the house
If I understand what the
If I understand what the majority of you are saying: I can expect the 17 year old to do his chores as assigned but since his half sister 27 doesn't do her chores it is wrong of me to punish him.
I get that...But just because DH and BM were shitty parents and didn't teach their kid to clean up after herself and teach her to cook and that the house needs certain things done to maintain and keep clean, than I need to be equally shitty and not teach my kids how to maintain a house. Not following the rules is also off limits and don't punish for breaking any rules? If this is correct then please tell me how I am supposed to teach my kids to be productive non entitled adult?
Lit'lBit - your son knows the
Lit'lBit - your son knows the rules and he does what he's asked to do, but you can not punish him if he gets pissed of with SD getting away with it all.... that's why I do not punish my kid when SD is with us, I let it slide, cause it's really not fair punishing him for things SD is not doing as well..
I'm all over SO and he gets punished for not sorting out his daughter..
I didn't punish him because
I didn't punish him because he was pissed that SD27 doesn't do her stuff. I punished him because he didn't do what he was asked to do. That is when he got pissed. By the way another incident came up at my Mom's. He is supposed to get himself up for school. He is a senior in High School this is age appropriate. Yesterday he did not get up in time and missed his bus. Grandma was not happy and let him know that it was not to happen again. He text me saying he was ready to come home after he told me he didn't get up in time. I know my Mom and I know that's a no..no. so after a few questions I realized he wanted to come home because he didn't like being in trouble with grandma. So I called him on it and said look you are not going to be bouncing from house to house every time you get in trouble and don't like the consequences. You know he is 2 months from 18 and thinks he is an adult. Technically he is but he is still in High school so he is still my responsibility.
Lets put this in a different light.
DS has a job. DS's coworker has the same position and works on similar projects. His co worker is the owners son. DS for the most part does his job but see's coworkers son goofing off All.THE. TIME. So DS gets the idea that its cool to goof off and nobody will do or say anything. Guess What DS gets fired for not doing what he was paid to do. Was that fair? NO but is life always fair? NO it is not. So if SD is not doing what she is supposed to do its still not fair to punish DS when he pulls the same crap?
Hon... why should DS listen
Hon... why should DS listen to you if SD can blatantly ignore you?
You still can't punish DS.... SD needs to get out, she's an adult and then DS will calm down and be a normal teen boy again, taking fat chances but then he can be punished ..
Are you for real??!! You
Are you for real??!! You allowed your Son to move out..at 17..because he refused to do..oh..who cares..Im just..WTF?? He has to sit there and watch that lazy assed full grown ADULT Sd27..do absolutely jack shit..and HE geta into trouble??? Thats some warped crazy ass bulshit hypocrisy right there!!!
Throw those goddamn useless adults the frig OUT of your house..along with your incompetent, useless, POS, lazy wanker husband of yours. You are sending your Son straight to therapy. How the hell are you justifying this?? Rather than coming down on him..try using your wrath on your husband and his lazy useless turd of an adult daughter. Good God, woman!!
Sheesh!! I have a BS17..doesnt matter what..no damn way would I be allowing that shit to go down. Stand up for him and teach him that rules WILL WORK for EVERYONE!! Id have hubbys balls wrapped and deliverd to him to remind him that he has some. Then get him to friggin step the hell up or straight out the damn door. Geez!!!