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Damned if I do Damned it I don't

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 11:57am

SD 27 wants to be a Police officer. She has done all her testing to be accepted into the Police academy. She has one last process before she can be accepted. The Background check.

Me and DH both have a form to complete with several questions. The form is the same for both of us.

Some of the questions:

How long have you known applicant: um all her life

Are you convinced that applicant is honest: No lies ALL.THE.Time. big lies little lies. Shit she doesn't need to lie about.

Is applicant Reliable: Nope

Would you trust with confidential matters: hah don't talk to her if I can help it.

Describe the applicant's use of intoxicating beverages: want me to tell you about the time she used DH's car and drove it home drunk. I assume she was drunk as she came storming in the house, straight to the bathroom to throw up for a good 10 minute. Or about the time she broke the side shelf in the refrigerator slamming her big ass bottle of wine in a space too small for it. Many more story's to tell.

Describe the applicants financial reliability: Daddy makes enough money.

Problem: Daddy will probably paint a good picture of her. If I am honest and she doesn't get in its my fault. If I push all this aside because I am a shitty step Mom and pick on everything the princess does then I will let someone unfit join a police department. If I don't complete the form and she doesn't get in that will be my fault too...

Thoughts?

Comments

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 12:21pm

Yes she has lived with us since she was 18.

I think she used me as a reference.

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 12:00pm

How will they know what you wrote? Shouldn't it be anonymous?

Please don't lie for her. There are enough terrible cops out there.

Lit'l Bit's picture

Submitted by Lit'l Bit on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 12:26pm

I would think it should be anonymous but my name is on the form. I won't lie for her. I am just screwed no matter what I do. I am just not going to complete form. I agree there is enough bad cops out there.

24 years as a SM's picture

Submitted by 24 years as a SM on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 1:53pm

Depending on the academy, this form might not be anonymous. They came out and interviewed my dad for my SB and I remember them saying in front of my SM, "Well according to the form you filled out, you said XYZ". I thought my SM was going to have a heart attack, because she was so mad at what my dad had put on the form. My SB was the male counterpart to the OP's SD.

classyNJ's picture

Submitted by classyNJ on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 12:22pm

I was under the impression that family members could not be references. I thought it had to be a prior employer, teacher, etc.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 1:39pm

I would tell her that you can't do this on her behalf because you won't lie about her past.

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 12:52pm

Sounds like the girl is trying to straighten her life out. I don't think you should interfere with that. She will either tow the line or she won't be employed very long.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 1:02pm

So, do you think she should lie on the form? Or not fill it out at all? Give it back?

I don't think OP wants to interfere but she did not volunteer to be a reference and now she's being asked these questions. And the truth will not be a glowing recommendation.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 1:41pm

actually, you're right.

When I had to go through my FBI background check, they interviewed my parents, my husband and my best friend. They also walked up and down my street and knocked on my neighbors' doors.

yes - this is appropriate because it's a background check and NOT a reference.

OP - be honest on the form.

24 years as a SM's picture

Submitted by 24 years as a SM on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 1:56pm

Just answer the questions with "Refuse to answer, due to the truth will cause my divorce" }:)

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 4:36pm

Give it to her mom to fill it out, she'll lie for her I'm sure. I wouldn't get involved and I would tell my DH she needs to find someone else.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Wed, 03/15/2017 - 10:16pm

I guess I have a different perspective from everyone else. I refuse to lie to protect even those that I love.

I'd just answer honestly but not maliciously. I would never whitewash crud.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 03/16/2017 - 1:56am

I would simply not complete it..... and say, sorry Hon but this is not for me to do, ask GBM or BM.... or another friend....

then if you where me add: I can not lie and I'm not going to lie for you either,

lala-land's picture

Submitted by lala-land on Thu, 03/16/2017 - 1:26pm

From your descriptions of your SD's behaviour, she is not a suitable candidate for the police force. I would answer the questions honestly or answer them all with "No Comment". They do background checks for a very good reason and your SD should be disqualified based on what you have shared with us. It is definitely not your fault if she does not get in. Bad behaviour has consequences and no one should continue to enable this woman. As stated by an earlier poster, there are more than enough bad police officers out there. Do you want to be responsible for adding another one to their ranks?