Recent developments: FH recants
I was through with him the last time I posted. I have been sick of his crap for a while now. So I've been looking at new places to live and been out trying to get that all in order.
Well,the night of our fight, I came home and he was there(I thought he'd have left for work by the time I got home). So, we talk and he tells me he's sorry, yadda yadda yadda. I'm like, ok whatever. So then he asks where I was and I tell him some stories about where I was, but not that I was looking for a place to live.
He apologizes again and tries to make peace. I'm like, ok, lets be fine. So things are calm again.
I've looked at several condos/houses this week and they've sucked majorly. I can pay a decent rent, but nothing is even remotely liveable. These places are dumpy, dirty, cramped and make me feel completely miserable. I dreamed of finding that place like in Sleeping with the Enemy...where I could slap a coat of paint on the wall that *I* liked, and put out some flowers, and make it mine. But these places, and they were pretty pricy, made me feel like I needed to go de-louse myself.
So after fh went to work, I had a down and dirty talk with myself figuring what to do. I like where we live...the neighborhood, the yard, all of it...I like it. FH is sorry I was upset and 1)understood why I was upset 2)let me vent like a psycho and didn't stop loving me or hit me and 3)wanted to try to make things work...including getting engaged in the near future.
So I think about all that, and think about working my a** off to pay for some dump that I can barely afford, and be miserable there...and I decided that things weren't so bad at home. So I guess I'll be staying for now. I'm still keeping money separately and still keeping active contacts in real estate in case something great comes along...I gotta keep the backup plan. But I've decided that at least for now, the pros of staying outweigh the cons.
I feel like in some ways I've disappointed people who've supported me though everything. People have wanted me to leave him and not look back. But that's easier said than done...between the housing situation sucking and the fact that I have ptsd and anxiety disorder, trying to make it on my own in the world seems like a big challenge I'm not really up to. So stayin seems like the best choice for now. Maybe things will get better, maybe they won't...but I'm going to make sure I'm making a better move than what I've got staying here. Such are the choices of life....
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Dont ever feel like
you have dissapointed anyone!!! You have to live your life with what you feel is right for you NO MATTER WHAT THAT IS..I hope things do get better for you and I will keep you in my thoughts..Yes its easier said than done or the most of us would have left by now, so its not only you my dear..Hugs to you..
You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Sir Winston Churchill..
Yep, you have to leave when
Yep, you have to leave when YOU are ready to leave. You can't be on anyone's timetable but your own. If you leave when you aren't ready, you are just going to come back and be back where you started. That's when you will truly let people down. So you need to wait until you are prepared emotionally, mentally, and financially to leave.
Yep Yep
Yep..Yep...It's your life and you have to do what is right for you and in your own timing! Were are here for ya Teapot!!
Tpot-no ones dissapointed in you. You have to do what feels
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
right, when it feels right. We are not judges and jurys-just supporters of you, whatever decision you make for YOUR life.
I for one know that leaving, starting all over again, is easier said than done-for sure.
All situations in life are different-and the situations change, often from moment to moment, hour to hour.
I hope you truly find peace within, regardless of where you are living.
Lil T....
If I had a quarter for every time I said I was leaving (or actually DID leave for the night due to chaos here), I would have a nice chunk of change saved up.
Relationships have their ups and downs, and that's why this site is is wonderful. Don't ever think you "let anyone down"...think of it this way, you are supported either way. Ergo, if you say "I'm leaving", we're all gonna be there to cheer ya on and say "Yeah, leave the jerk". I for one will not "sing his praises" and talk you into staying.
There have been blogs that I and MANY of us put on here where we are told to get out. Sometimes a situation seems so intolerable at the time.
But, sometimes it can be a growth opportunity, too, for YOURSELF and for your SO. Regarding my adult wacko SDs, things have been VERY CALM for quite some time, and I thank the support I received on this site for making me realize that blowing my top over ridiculous GROWN UP behavior is not "my problem". I just learned how not do GO THERE (and, boy, in the beginning, I KNOW I should have bolted. His "girls" were bitches on wheels to me) and kiss their asses to try to make them "like me". And, you know what, LT?
The LESS I try, the MORE they want to get along. Go figure.
But, it took years of yelling, screaming, and lots of time on ST to get here.
Hugs, honey. We love ya!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
I second, third and fourth
all of the above. Believe me, every time H gets pi$$y with me I think why am I taking this crap from him and start working on the back-up plan. The bad times are few and far between, but every time one pops up I can't help but think I need to get the hell out of here.
Like everyone else has said, it's your life, you have to live it and be happy with the choices you make. As long as there's no abuse the decision is yours. I just hope he's not trying to pacify you just so you'll stay. Make sure he really means what he says.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
Don't worry
No judgement here! Only you know all the aspects of your relationship. I hope things work out better for you after this!!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin