So in my last blog I let you all know I was leaving SO - well he dumped me and I am moving back to my home state. Also I was torn on what to do about a concert we were planning to attend on Saturday with another adult couple, that I had a feeling exSO was going to bring his d14 to even though we had discussed it being an adult evening (because it was her visiting weekend).

The details are here: http://www.steptalk.org/node/69469

So he DID end up purchasing another ticket for her to come, he never actually told me (part of our issue was communication, good to know he still sucks at it ). I got validation on the extra ticket when we got to the venue and he was texting and then said he was telling a friend of his that he was there and had an extra ticket for him if he wanted it. So why didn't his dd14 come with, after all????

Well, he calls on Friday evening to tell me he isn't picking her up because of some band initiation that her new school does for new band members that made the cut or something. I guess they come in the middle of the night to kidnap the kid and then they have bonding activities all the following day. So since her BM moved an hour away to be closer to her BF, obviously, BM decided that she should stay with her since exSO house is too far away. So she didn't come this weekend. WHEW }:)

So the couple comes to pick us up for the show on Saturday and we go to dinner together first, before we drive to the venue. I was so excited to have grown up time!!!

The husband of the other couple is really awesome, we have tons in common and we have all hung out before (without the wife, because she was always busy working or doing stuff for/with their son). I didn't realize that their son used to go to preschool or elementary school or something with exSO's d14 -- so that's how they all knew each other. I never realized this because the husband, my ex and I would have great conversations and he never would bring up his kid, other to say if he had to leave to pick him up or something like that - he knows how to have adult conversations!

Also, it became clear to me that my exSO didn't bother to tell his friend that we weren't together anymore and that I was moving back to California very soon, so they kept trying to bring up stuff he and I should do with his house, yard etc, and that was awkward. I had to resist the urge to just blurt out "actually we aren't together anymore and I'm moving back home - so no, I won't be continuing to fix up his home, so his d14 can live in it and pretend to be the girlfriend"

So the 4 of us are at dinner and then the wife just goes on and on and on and on about their kid, and of course because that's all she has to talk about (I guess) she keeps finding ways to bring the conversation back to her kid, and my exSO's kid. "Remember when" blah blah blah. Yes, I've met their son, and he is a rad kid, but I don't want to hear about him from 6pm to 2am (that's how long we were all together that evening, 2 car rides, dinner and a concert). I caught the occasional eye roll from her husband, which kept me from going insane. }:) Even he was sick of talking about his kid.

Well the wife kept bringing up activities that my ex's d14 had in common with her son, so as to give my ex advice on how she handled it, and juggled it all. Basically she'd tell a positive story and then my ex would respond with the same story, but with a negative ending (like they took the same class and his d14 kept almost failing it and had to go to summer school, etc) So she'd chime in on things he can do to fix that, etc - like any mother would.

Her son is a year or two older and they participate in the same activities and I could tell my Ex felt like he was being lectured on how to be a better parent. I heard the tone come out that he would use with me in the past and saw an eyeroll or two - which was HILARIOUS because this BIOLOGICAL MOM with a kid getting all A's and participating in sports, band, etc, interning and trying to become a vet - who is a very talentented musician (basically all the things my ex's kid wants to do) was DOING THEM ALL SUCCESSFULLY without being an ass, without talking back, without failing classes. So if he was going to take anyones advice it should have been hers-- and guess what,

SHE WAS GIVING THE SAME ADVICE I HAVE BEEN TELLING HIM THIS ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP!!!!! SO I guess you don't have to give birth to know how to parent and have common sense when it comes to kids, eh.

Besides the validation I secretly got from that BM giving the same advice (and agreeing with me when i gave my humble opinion) was soooooooo worth having to suffer through all those conversations about kids that I would have rather spent talking about other stuff.

The rest of the weekend was great. We got along great - everything was just like when I first moved in, and was very easy and fun and relaxing. So glad his d14 didn't come this weekend. Now we've about 2-3 complete weeks of her not being here, and they have been the best 2-3 weeks of our relationship. O well, at least my last days here haven't been miserable