I changed my mind about being a step-parent
I don't want it!
......Just as I was feeling MAJOR relief that this dude told his kids NO for a weekend (y'all have no clue how almost two weeks free from his baggage works WONDERS for my stress levels)
......Someone please tell me why tf ((9 days into my 14 day skid-free home) I look up and this dudes kid is mean mugging me as she traipses her messy "fake injury" tail up in my peaceful abode
A few short minutes before this He texts me (while I'm working and obviously can't see the text) telling me (as usual no consultation just him and his mini spouse do what tf they want to do at this house) that he is bringing his obnoxious daughter to the house because she allegedly "hurt herself"
Um yeah if she's so "hurt" then why arent you with her at the doctors office why tf is she here mid day, skipping school over some trivial a$$ fake injuries just so she can inappropriately seek attention.
How convenient that she's "hurt" while he's off work and Bitch Beck n Call service is up and running
I honestly cannot describe the level of rage I feel that this asshole has no cotdamn boundaries and pretends not to understand that I don't want to deal with his kids at this house except on weekends (and I barely want to deal with their messy obnoxious behaviors even then)
I hate the fact that he has TWO kids so when one of them is being annoying as shit then next time the other one is being annoying as shit. Like I'm constantly getting tag teamed by two demon seeds.
Those meddling a$$ clingy attention seeking kids can have this dude and this house
THIS is why when I leave this.... I will NEVER date/live with a man's who has kids again. The fact his boundaries and parenting skills are so weak that he not only let his kid LIE to him just to skip school and be in this house with no reason to be
Now I gotta sanitize the air and surfaces in case she tracked COVID up in here.
my 2 week break from those skids has been ruined by Dumb A$$ Disney Dad
I am almost OUT of this situation but until im completely out of it then I might be ranting up a storm.
I wish I could kick his a$$ out so he can go rescue his broke a$$ manipulative breeder/payment plan pr0stitut3 and mini-spouses from their fake injuries, fake suffering, and give them the narcissistic supply and attention their clingy a$$es thrive off of.
Sorry in advance.
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These kids will not quit.
These kids will not quit.
I just don't like living with them and it's not necessarily them it's HIS stupid a$$ for lacking boundaries, feeling divorced dad guilt, giving into their whims, and teaching them nothing about being productive citizens/decent partners someday
I pulled it together
I pulled it together
Offered sympathy (faker than that "injury") whilst mentally moving forward without nuances of step life
Ok, kiddo,so what exactly is
Ok, kiddo,so what exactly is wrong with you? Can you walk? What's stopping you from going to school? So you're just skiving...
Exactly!
Exactly!
Back in my days our parents didn't let us out of school unless we were ill enough to be at the doctor/taking meds
If a mf wants to be a Disneyland Dad, he needs to do this sh*t at the park, at baskin robins, at the movie theater or anywhere but this house.
It seems like the territory invasion was intentional, attention seeking, and like a "hey I didn't land here last weekend but I'm here mid-day - and whenever I chose because my dad runs a beck n call service I'm in charge of"
Gag me!!!
And guess where he took her
And guess where he took her after coddling her, "rescuing" her from manufactured injuries, letting her forego her education so they can canoodle mid-day (in MY space - where she does not belong until the required-by-law parenting times)......took her manipulative tail back to school where she belongs
I remember
Simpleton's post about her SD continual faking injuries and skipping school. She eventually divorced the guilty daddy.
I think this is for the best.
I think this is for the best.. you have been wanting to exit for a long time.
While I personally believe it's not reasonable to expect that a parent not spend time with their kids for 2 weeks.. and to push them and constantly attempt to minimize their visitation. I also understand when you have a father that overly caters to his kids and allows them to be an unpleasant factor in the home.. well.. why wouldn't someone else hope they wouldn't be coming over?
He has repeatedly shown he isn't capable of firm boundary parenting.. he has few expectations for his kids.. but a LOT on you.
In a way.. it's not the kid's fault.. they were raised to be this way.. it's his and BM's fault.. but if it can't be changed.. if they won't change it.. no reason to continue to beat YOUR head against the wall over it!
I see your point.
I see your point.
And to clarify (not sure if my clear of my clarification provides any clarity) it's not like I want him to necessarily reduce his parenting time, I simply don't want MY peace disturbed because HE lacks boundaries and structure.
He's parenting like he did when he was single and his parenting style works for HIM and his kids but when he imports them in this house (often without my knowledge of when they're coming or going; sometimes when they're sick and spreading their pathogens or when I'm sick and he's expecting me to be responsible for them/still clean after them) it negatively affects me if my boundaries that I mentioned in parenthesis, aren't respected
Since his "chicken with its head cut off" parenting style indeed negatively affects my peace and comfort then as an indirect result, I don't want his kids at this house (outside of strict weekend schedule)
i am not saying he shouldn't see his kids I just don't want them brought back to this house where I'm not consulted and I'm directly affected by their behavior
His obnoxious kids are at this house EVERY weekend and EVERY holiday when most divorced parents have every other weekend and every other holiday.
His "being a overcompensating-for-divorce dad" is making him a HORRIBLE partner and he honestly should be single until his kids turn 18 because I can't imagine any self respecting woman enjoying a house of kiddy chaos where kids always come first while the woman is relegated to free house labor/childcare for him and those kids.
I agree.. you deserve to be
I agree.. you deserve to be considered and feel important in your home. He simply can't ignore everyone else just because he has kids. Yes they are his primary responsibility.. but they are not his only priority.. you deserve to have a heads up at minimum.. not just have things dumped on you.. especially if he wants your cooperation.. that's ridiculous.
I would also say that just
I would also say that just generally.. that while I do believe that having a good relationship does require a certain amount of "work".. and that we all have trials and tribulations in our lives.. that relationships should not at their core be difficult... they shouldn't be "hard work".. and we shouldn't feel like we are the only ones putting in that work. I do feel like steplife is more complex than most "sole nuclear first families".. but the basics are still the same.
In our homes we deserve to be respected and have our needs and wants considered. We should feel that generally everyone is working towards a common goal of a good home life. We also deserve autonomy over our homes.. we deserve to have some consideration over scheduling and while kids can certainly insert some uncertainty.. we shouldn't feel constantly blindsided.
I imagine if OP's husband had, at minimum, called or texted her a heads up? it might have gone better.. allowed her an opportunity to suggest. "if she is injured.. I'm assuming you will be taking her to urgent care.. correct?" and if she isn't.. then you might be able to push back and say.. you know.. if she isn't hurt badly enough to need to be seen by a medical professional.. she should be able to make it through the day at school... that should be her priority as a child right?
Supposedly SD had a physical
Supposedly SD had a physical injury bad enough to get sent home from school. OP's DH picked SD up, didn't tell OP, then SD hung around the house a few hours, then DH drove her back to school to finish the day. All on BM's parenting time. And OP was left out of the loop the entire time. Yeah, this whole thing reeks of BS. This type of BS adds up and gets old real quick.
Your last paragraph hit the
Your last paragraph hit the nail on the head.
While he did text me to tell me he was bringing her. I didn't see the text because I was in the middle of work and only realized what he was doing once I saw her barge through the garage door.
I wanted to text him exactly what you said but I was worried it would come out the wrong way but how you phrased it was perfect.
And yes he makes the relationship HARD mainly because he is self-centered and like you said EXPECTS a lot out of me but the bare ass minimum out of his "failed" family. These people are entitled af and draining!!!
Disorganization is one of the
Disorganization is one of the main killers for me. My SO was paying BM child support but both parents were "chickens with their heads cut off." The kids were at SO's every day for some amount of time and the schedule was dictated minute-by-minute based solely on BM's ever-changing convenience. NOBODY wants to be a stepparent in that situation. Yeah, if you are a parent, you want to see your kids every chance you get. But you should stay single and dedicate your life to coparenting with your ex if it's going to be that chaotic.
EXACTLY!!! If youre divorced
EXACTLY!!! If youre divorced/single with kids and know your parenting is
Then just stay single!
Sloppy scheduled divorced bio parents need to stay by themselves and stop trying to rope unsuspecting women into their sh*t show to be the clean up crew/side show assistant/free childcare labor and more
I'd also like to add that he
I'd also like to add that he somehow thinks leaving the city in a year or so will be the solution.
While I do agree that moving at least 1 hour or more away from his needy exwife would provide some structure that I prefer if I have to coexist with a man with kids in my home, I think it would only be a matter of time before his unresolved pathological guilt kicks in and he tries to either get full custody OR the exwifes pathological greed kicks in (kids not in my home random times and B*tch Beck & Call service shuts down but I'd have to contend with a lot of his money going out to another woman's household)
Im just coming to grips with the fact that step life is NOT for me and accepting that it's okay to feel that way. Now the second part is extricating myself completely from the step life sh*t show
I admire your self-honesty
I wish I had been that clear in my own mind 2 or 3 years ago, that it's ok not to proceed with step life. It doesn't make someone a failure. I am ending this arrangement in a couple of days' time by moving out and unexpectedly, I feel joy! Never having to feel conflicted about someone else's badly-raised kids living in my space ever again. I wish you well with the exit strategy.
There is NOTHING wrong with
Not liking SD. Nothing wrong with.... not wanting to deal with SD's. Nothing wrong with not wanting to watch a Disney Daddddy at work.. it's just not the life for you. You can't live a life/ family. Where you hate his kids. It's just not the life for you.
Tell him to take his kids and leave. You know his kids come before you. So he should leave easy by himself. But he want it the best way for himself.