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What I was told

Lalena75's picture

SO's dd came up to me today and said "can I tell you something?" I said sure.
"Bubby and I listen to mommy in the vent in the bathroom we can hear her say inappropriate things about daddy."
Me: "oh well you know your daddy loves and cares about you very much and that's what's important and you know we don't like it when your nosy and listen in on people right?"
Her: "I told her to shut up or I'd have you beat her up."
Me: "you shouldn't talk to your mom like that even if your mad ar her, it's not nice."
Her: "she said she'd kill you if I ever tell her to stop being mean about dad."
Me: "I'm sorry she said that, she was probably just mad she got caught being naughty"
Her:" so you won't let her kill you?"
Me:" not a chance."
Crazy ass woman, and these poor kids I adore sd she's smart and sweet BM will destroy all that by the time she's 11, I'll enjoy the good while I can.

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whatwasithinkin's picture

Dh has two kids SD17 and SD13. They both moved with BM to another state about 4 years ago.

After the first year and a half she didnt follow the court order, I finally got DH to drag her ass back to court for contempt for visitation, and health care. Before we actually got it in court during summer visitation SD15 (at the time) dropped an abuse bomb on me and asked me not to tell. It was added to the court order and it was then for custody of SD15 and SD11 as well as contempt.

BM gave up SD15 willingly I had her over a barrel and she knew it (i regret it now believe me) but she kept SD11.

The day of court we were allowed to take SD13 and SD15 to lunch, while BM went back to gather SD's things (yes we took her home with us that day) but anyway sitting at lunch SD11 said outright at the table with our attorney there, that her mother told her that if the judge asked if she wanted to go that she needed to know before she answered him that she (bm) would go out in the swamp behind her house and slit her throat if SD11 (at the time) left and moved back here with us.

I simply leaned across the table and said to SD11, Nah she would never do that she is far to selfish...funny the same word SD13 used to describe SD17 this week. Deep down these kids know, and if they say they dont their lying.

Lalena75's picture

I just can't get over some of the things divorced/seperated parents say to their kids. Even when I really want to bash my ex I know my kids would be so hurt and I remember what it was like when my own SM did that to me about my mom. My exh will bash me or my kids will bad mouth him and his gf, I have this defense mode I go into where I desperately come up with a good quality of their dads (I must sound like a broken record of "but he loves you very much and he and I always agree on your punishments" cause that's about all I can come up with. They are now even calling me out on his good heart ad my kids say "yeah he's a great guy to his friends it's an ego thing" I know I defend him so no one can ever say I turned the kids agaist him. But I'm so tried of it and just want to agree with them yes your dad sucks, he was a decent person once now he's an ass I know.

hereiam's picture

It's messed up what some of these BMs do to their kids.

SD and my husband were very close. BM kicked hubby to the curb right before SD turned 5 and from then on, BM did nothing but bad mouth my DH (and me). I'm sure SD was very torn for many years between the father she knew and the person BM was portraying him to be. To SD's credit, she never disrespected me or acted like she hated me but part of her had to considering BM told her that I "stole" DH from them (not true).

In the end, SD21 now knows the truth but her and my husband's relationship has suffered and will never be the same. Some of that is SD's own doing but a lot if it is BM's. It really didn't have to be that way.

Gabriels Mom's picture

I hate this kind of thing. BM was forever telling SS that DH and I were going to move away with DS and leave him behind. That he wasn't part of the new family. It was so bad the first year we were married we couldn't even go to the bathroom and SS would be standing outside the door waiting. Apparently we have a magic hatch in our bathroom. We kept joking about it until SS finally realized that we aren't going anywhere. She doesn't bad mouth me or DH anymore in front of SS. Because he's picked up my nasty little habit of confronting people on their bullshit. DH had to go pick him up one day because BM and SS got into a screaming match (yes, she argued with a 10 yr old) SS told her "Stop talking about GM like that, at least she takes care of me and gets me what I need" in front of BMs mom

SN: BMs mom also thinks BM is a worthless piece of crap. In front of me, DH and SS, she told BM that she was a horrible mother, ruining SSs life and she can't believe God gave her the ability to procreate (figured out the reason BM is a psycho). Man, my mom is nuts but she'd never say anything like that to me. I'd punch her in the face.

I realize BM is doing to SS what was done to her (She's a COD) but I can't help thinking "If you hated it as a kid, why are you so determined to do it to your kid?)

Anyways I think I got side tracked LOL OP you handled that situation very well.