NO reaction to "We are moving" news :/
So tonight DH told SD13 that we will be moving to a different city (just one hour by plane)....and it was a hard thing for him...few times he broke down and cried being all alxious about how he will tell her...what reaction she will have etc...so we were all on the living room and he told her....and then....Crickets...Nothing...through the whole 10mins she did smile and say "mm hmm" few times...but other than that ..pretty blank...no reaction...
So now he feels horrible...he didn't expect waterworks or anything...but something! Some questions s...."when will I get to see you?" And things like that...
So I feel so bad for him...he is an Amazing dad!! The best!
I think he expected a lil more...and I did as well...
So what do you all think of this??? Is this normal reaction from a teenager?? She is NOT a reactive person by any stretch of imagination...very quiet, I trovert, and reserved...
I wish I knew what to tell him yo make him feel better...he feels lime he hasn't been much of a dad and she doesn't really care if he moves or not :/
Any advice??
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Sorry about all typos...I'm
Sorry about all typos...I'm sending g this from my phone
Yeah...that's true...they do
Yeah...that's true...they do process things differently...it probably needs to sink in too...we were pretty nonchalant about it so not to make it too depressing so that's maybe why its not "hitting" her yet
13 is a hard age to talk to
13 is a hard age to talk to in an intact family, much less a step situation. if she's been brainwashed by bm, this is also the age it seems to rear its ugly head, like she's not a little kid anymore and she can decide for herself is bm is right. if she's now feeling abandoned, inside her own head she might be wondering if bm is right about dad all this time.
I think age 13 would be a hard time to move so far away from a daughter. 5 hours or so by car? did he explain what the viting arrangements will be even though she didn't ask? I would encourage him to tell her everything. she's not going to ask. at 13 she's going to make some assumptions, many of which are not accurate.
while this is hard for him and her, and if I put on my bm hat I'd feel so bad for them.... when I put on my SM hat, I have to say I'm happy for you. a 13yo sd is hell and I'm glad you'll be spared regular contact with her.
Thank you! Compared to some
Thank you! Compared to some SDS I read about on here she is great and I feel lucky...but I can see puberty craziness slowly kicking in...
He told her that if she ever decided ...she is more than welcome to come live w us...she can now choose...not up to BM anymore...so she is aware of that...and throughout last mths he hinted that there mthis might be happening...so it wasn't really out of the blue...
I guess he just has to give it time...she does love him. There is no doubt about that. But BM might have her her fingers in the whole brainwashing thing too...I can just imagine what her take will be ...he sent her an e mail w news too
Agreed. My mortgage broker
Agreed. My mortgage broker got divorced and just slept in a room in the basement until the youngest was out of high school. Then he was able to start dating. (Well, who would have dated him knowing he was living in his ex-wife's basement anyway?)
I don't know what his former wife did in terms of moving on with her own life. I'm assuming nothing. I don't think cheating was a factor in the breakdown of the marriage, and I am assuming that neither of them minded not having an adult relationship until the youngest finished high school.
That was probably the best example of divorced parents making it work for the kids that I've seen. Of course, it's also the worst example of how adults handle adult relationships those kids could have seen, in my opinion.
I'm thinking there's got to be some middle ground.
I would scratch and claw
I would scratch and claw pennies together before I ever moved away from my minor child. When I had kids, I knew I made a commitment for 18 years. Not 13.
I would assume the kid is very upset that her father is basically abandoning her.
If you can no longer afford
If you can no longer afford to pay the ordered amount, go to court and have it decreased.
DF has had his CS decreased three times in the last three years. It was $750, now it's $340. He didn't have to pay aa lawyer or court fees to this. We're in NYC.
My son's CS case was in NC. His dad never had a problem getting CS lowered when his salary decreased.
Even my cheating serial
Even my cheating serial dating dad managed to stay in the same town as me after divorce. Some of his girlfriends thought it was a bit overkill that he only moved a block over.
If you are ordered to pay
If you are ordered to pay that much, then you make a pretty good living. Still would not matter to ME...I would not move away from my kids.
We ALL have a choice. I would bet this move is to just "get a better" job. I would assume it is not to just afford to eat.
See...maybe this is where I
See...maybe this is where I get hung up at. DH paid his CS, he even raised it himself when he got raises. It was along the guidelines.
He made ok money. Nothing to write home about, but he lived a decent life on what he brought home after CS. Did he have to scrimp and save and budget wisely. Heck yea. But he would have NEVER moved away from his kid just so he could make more money. He would have waited until SS was out of HS and then he would have moved.
Maybe CS is calculated different in other places than in Texas....
Yup...he did not have more
Yup...he did not have more kids because that was all he could afford.
Some men have sex, using a
Some men have sex, using a condom, and still have more kids. Some of them aren't even theirs biologically but still on the hook for CS. Life isn't as clear cut as that. Best laid plans and all...
Respectfully Ripley, making
Respectfully Ripley, making up to her and focusing on her or quality not quantity time as some put it are all on that slippery slope to Disney World. Besides, any teen with any sense will see through all the justifications and promises. There's no way to spin the terrible news. The least he could do is call it what it is, admit that it sucks and not insult her intelligence. Trying to spin it invalidates feelings that she is entitled to feel and express. Maybe her father will listen when she's ready to talk.