Backwards talk

I feel like im being mean, to DH, even though im not.

Ss13 is going to a new middle school- today is orientation for 6th grade and new kids.

I call dh realizing its going on today- knowing he has been talking about wanting ss to go.

I have no problem taking him...

But there lies the problem- we cant MAKE him go, we have to "suggest" and tell him we would like him to go!!

I call dh- he tells me this backwards crap, tells me about back to school night too. He makes it sound like they had a small convo at some point last night about it. - oh they did!!

He says tell him YOU want him to go.

Hahaha. Uh no!

I wake up ss. Tell him his dad wants him to go, can he be ready in a half hour?

Ss goes uh. He told me last night i do not have to go, but ill go to back to school night.

Welp there is you answer DH!!!

Ugh

So i text him we are not going, and why did he tell ss last night he does not have to go if he wants him to go???

I feel a little mean texting that, but wtf?

And why was i not apart of the convo, once he realized i was having to take him???

Let it go..he is not my problem!! Im not being the mean parent, and im not making it my problem!!

I have to stop carrying things for dh, if he wanted this to happen he would have talked about it last night WITH me, not just ss.

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I mean ss cannot drive

I mean ss cannot drive himself- and he was hoping to be working closer today to take him at lunch, but the rain delayed this job thats an hour from here.

I guess knowing that- i want to help him- but if he already gave ss an answer, why make it sound like it was,still up in air- oh, because he knows i used to make ss do stuff..lol. not anymore!!

Yeah, Ladystark, that's kind

Yeah, Ladystark, that's kind of bass-ackwards. What the heck??

Yeah - im changing- im not

Yeah - im changing- im not running to save dh, or help him out like i used to!!

If this was a few years ago, i would have probably jumped in the middle MADE ss get up and go- then later when ss whined to his daddy that I MADE him go, id hear from dh oh well you didnt have to force him, blah , blah...

Then id be pissed!!

Oh well i read the situation, ss told me the outcome and i backed away!!

Dh text me back "i cant do every effing thing!"

Uh. What does that have to do with you giving him an answer, but making it sound different to me?!

I texted back- i know- but you gave him an answer already- no worries- love ya!

Now on with the rest of my day...

I dont care to fight about it- it has nothing to do with ME!!!

And what would DH do if you

And what would DH do if you were not there to do ANYTHING?? You could be out of town or sick... Even if we wanted to, we can't be there 100% of the time. LOL

Disengaging. Harder than it

Disengaging. Harder than it looks.

I have done it with SS14 and I bite my tongue so much I think it might fall off.

DH - does SS needs shirts for school?
Me - I don't know.
DH - what size does SS wear for trousers?
Me - *shrugs*

Never mind that he starts school in 5 days and doesn't have his P.E. uniform or P.E. shoes. No blazer with school emblem that is required. Not a word from me...but man is it hard.

As the old mantra goes here: You cannot care more than their parents.

I have a feeling in 5 days

I have a feeling in 5 days this will be your next conversation.

DH: SS says you didn't get him any school clothes or his uniform!
DH: I asked you a week ago what size he wore...why didn't you get him the stuff?

Oh, DH won't blame me for it

Oh, DH won't blame me for it not being done. He'll just scramble at the last minute, running to whatever store, hoping like heck everything is in stock and in the size SS needs. He'll get all stressy and huff and puff and moan...and I'll just smile to myself and keep biting my poor tongue

It is hard! Ive gone back and

It is hard!

Ive gone back and forth, but ive been doing pretty good this year!! Not running to get involved...

I do feel a little guilt when i could help, but i just repeat- am i needed? Will this help or cause a fight in the end? Am i being the bad cop?

So im trying!!

Don't involve yourself any

Don't involve yourself any longer or say one more word.
I know this is hard but you can't do it.
Disengage!

I don't get involved in any school stuff unless SDs ask me specifically.
They have DH and BM and that's that.
They coordinate or work out transportation if needed. They deal with school supplies, they deal with after school activities, they deal with extras needed for class or teachers.

DH forgot about the middle school orientation for SD11 in January. I didn't say a word. But he sure got her to the one that happened this week!

I'll listen to him and let him vent, but I provide little to no input even if he asks (depending on what it is of course).

I always go specifically to

I always go specifically to meet SS17's teachers and give them my biz card plus me & DH's mobile #'s, so they can contact us when SS17 isn't behaving or completing work. Invaluable because letting a teen skid known for lying have control the flow of info is ALLLL BAD.

Your DH is gonna create a monster if he doesn't start being the parent instead of giving the decision-making power to a kid. Does DH let SS skip dinner & just eat dessert? Same principle, kids are not mature enough to choose healthy over unhealthy, right over wrong, in a lot of areas.

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