COINCIDENCE?---SOOO ANNOYED
So FH has to bring SS5 to a dr checkup at noon. I asked FH if he wanted me to go..he said no..it's ok I don't want you to miss your lunch break. (it was just a checkup to check his weigh as he isn't gaining any weight and he's underweight)...so about 12:20 he texts me that SS5 gained a lb and that they are leaving now and he is dropping SS5 at daycare now. THAN I get another text that BM was there with SS2..and that FH had NO idea she was going to be there and that coincidentally SS2 had a dr. checkup too!!! Oh wow..how lovely!!! ARRGGH..
So of course..a millions hypothetical and questions start running thru my mind..did he know she was going? did they go together..is that why he said no to me going? etc..etc..so I texted him a few ?'s.
1) was she there before you or after you?
AN: she got there way after me
2) is she still there?
AN: yes..I left her there
3) so she knew SS5 had a dr. appt (I tried to trick him)..
at this point he replies" BABY OMG, what is with ALL the ?'s..I had NO idea she aws gonna be there!! she wanted to take SS5 home with her and I said no (she is NOT SS5 BM)..I didn't have to tell you at all"..but him and I both know that SS5 might have brought it up to me later..and that is why he tells me..lol.
I'm happy that he told me, but still annoyed and think it's VERY coincidental that she was there too..I'm thinking if maybe she called dr. and asked when SS5 was coming in and made appt. on purpose (she used to take care of SS5 when her and FH were together and scheduled all appts..etc)
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I just found out that before BM even ASKED FH if she could take SS5 home she told SS5 that she was going to take him with her and go to Walmart and buy toys..WTF! so of course SS5 is all upset when FH says no..she ALWAYS does that, tries to bribe SS5 with toys and food..and than the poor kid cries for an hour or so..if you ask him any day if he just wants to go over there..he says no..but bribe him with toys and candy he'll say yes..ughh..I can't stand her!
I'm soo proud of my FH for standing up to her time and time again..and I told him that
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
Why is this woman trying to take
SS5 with her, when she is not the mom? did she have a relationship with him at one point?
That's odd... unless she wants FH back....? :?
~You can see clearly only with your heart. What is truly important is invisible to the eyes~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's
Do you have any reason to doubt him?
Do you have any reason to believe he's not being truthful with you? I think many women are guilty (me included) of performing mental gymnastics, otherwise known as mindf***ing yourself. I know I did this with exH and had to unlearn this habit. Let's face it, anytime we do that we end up driving ourselves nuts, and many times it's over nothing.
Look at it from his perspective: He's being honest and tells you what went down, and he gets the third degree. He doesn't tell you...you find out from someone else and he gets the third degree. Plus you're now mad at him for withholding the information. This kinda puts him in a no win situation.
Of course I could be way off base here...perhaps you do have reason to not trust him, but make sure it's a legitimate reason and not because you may be feeling insecure (just throwing that out there).
By the way, how did your doctor's appointment go last week? Are you OK?
and..
i also had to get myself to stop doing these mental gymnastics!
but for me the hardest part was with realizing that men are so freaking different, to them details of a story just arent included and to him as long as he covered the main points, if i pressed him for more info, he took it as me not trusting him.
yes she did
She was with FH for about2 yrs of SS5's life..the problem is that we have been told that him being with her stunted his emotional growth and we even think medical as she fed him nothing more than pancakes everyday (seriously)..that is why now the dr. has to check his weight because he is underweight for his age.
When FH and her broke up she was still watching him afterschool for a fee..than when FH met me she abruptly told FH "I can't watch him anymore, he doesn't listen". The FEW times that he still wetn over after that he cried the whole time and did not want to go - we had to make him (he didn't even want to go to his brothers bday party).
Basically as parties have told us and it's been obvious that once SS2 was born she basically pushed SS5 aside..she would hit him constantly and when he first came to me he was always hitting..home,school..etc..we also found out that she had a BF in the house at one time that pushed SS5 around also.
The only reason she wants him now is some sort of a control issue. She never calls and asks how he is, nothing..she just once in awhile wants to take him when she "feels like it".
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
you are right
it IS because I'm insecure..I don't TRUST her. I do trust him..there was ONE incident when I found out that they were talking behind my back about an issue and he lied to me about it..but most of my insecurity comes from my X's cheating on me with the BM's in their lives..and my FH's BM does everything she can in her power to try to "trap" or control FH somehow and uses SS to do it.
I told him I'm NOT mad at him..I DO beleive him that he had no idea..I'm just annoyed..lol
"He grew up in my heart, not my belly"
thats how i
try to come across to my fh. That im not mad, but that my feelings are hurt or that im annoyed, and try to see it from my perspective. it usually always makes him even more careful as to consider my feelings first the next time something happens, instead of us fighting and then he doesnt even remember why i was upset.
If you truly trust him
Then nothing that she could do would matter. I don't trust my husband's ex, BUT, I know that he would never do anything so when she calls or emails I just blow it off. No biggie.“Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either”~Aesop
I think you handle this
I think you handle this situation as I would have. I would have started with the same questions you did and BF would have answered exactly as yours did.
I trust BF but I don't trust BM. So all I suggest is to keep your eyes and ears always open, but it does seem to me that FH wasn't aware that she was going to be there. I wouldn't dwell on it.